Letting go...

[aphrodite13]

I went through a severe pain ... still going through the pain but not as hurting as before. I am on my 30th day of my NC. I stalk him in social media once in awhile, checked his FB yesterday after 13 days of not stalking... which really don't help when trying to move on, even though I didnt saw any update from his wall.

 

We were good friends for 4 years and finally had our relationship for almost 2 years.

 

I initiated the break up (texted him) because his parents can not accept me for having a kid. I don't blame his parents, i respect their feelings. The parents learned about us when he joined me in a tour. The parents were so angry, I saw him very much bothered so i decided to let go of him after our 3-day tour together. I went NC the day after break up, after 5 days of NC I called him to meet up. He wanted us to be friends and wanted to make sure that i am safe from any threat from his parents. We tried to be friends but it lasted for 3 days. I finally gave up and decided to let go of him becasue I knew that he is trying to let go as well. He did texted me few times ... he did on the new year's eve and I only replied "thanks" then he sent a follow up text "Hi, How are you doing" but i never replied. He texted me on my birthday and replied him with "Thanks" again. That was his last message to me. Then finally i blocked him in my phone a day after his birthday greetings to stop myself from expecting a txt from him everyday.

 

I love him so much and I don't want him to choose between me and his parents. I know it will be hard for him and we'll never be happy if his parents is against our relationship. I am on my 30th day of NC but still not over him, I still cry once in awhile. I am tempted to call him but I am trying my best not to do so. I miss us, I miss our friendship but who wants to go over the same pain again. I know we can't be friends for now for I might end up hoping on us again only to get hurt in the end.

 

Did he tried send me a text message? Is he angry or sad for I dont respond to him anymore? How long can I bare this pain? Until when can I hold on to this NC. I don't know!

 

The only thing I know is "Fate had brought us together... Fate did made a way to separate our ways ... and for now, only fate can bring us together if our ways are really meant to cross again.

 

I love him.

 

Thanks for reading ...

[nick66]

There comes a point where a man has to decide what he wants in life, and not what his parents want. If he's going to constantly worry about what his parents think, why would you want to be with him?

 

Imo, especially in a marriage, your spouse comes first before anybody. If he can't decide between you and his parents I don't think he's emotionally ready for a serious relationship.

[aphrodite13]

Reality bites... You are right! Maybe I am hesistant to admit it because I am afraid to feel like a loser. Thanks for the message ... makes me feel stronger to move on.

[Clio]

I stalk him in social media once in awhile

 

 

Stalking him in social media has the same psychological effect as breaking NC keeping you stuck in the past. It gives your brain the false impression that he is still part of your reality and therefore it hinders your healing. Read this:

 

 

[aphrodite13]

Clio, Thanks. I actually read that yesterday. So technically, i am starting NC over again. But I hope the 30days of not contacting him would still considered as an effort though

 

Well, thanks for the message. I really need people to remind me how stupid I am everytime I cry.

[Clio]

Of course it is still considered an effort! You are welcome :star:

[Twist of Fate]

Personally, I've found full NC strangely comforting so far-- something about the finality of it I think. It's probably different for every relationship though, and yours seems to have a star-crossed quality about it. My first advice would be to let him decide for himself if he wants to be with you in the face of his parents' objections. But if you've made up your mind to not pursue the romance, then you will probably not be able to be friends again until you are over your romantic feelings, which I guess is what NC is for.

 

Hang in there!

[aphrodite13]

My first advice would be to let him decide for himself if he wants

 

That's what he exactly told me when I begged him to fly back home when his parents learned that we are together in a tour and texted him so angry. He said that why don't I and his parents do what he wants. When he said "I want to be with you, that's all I want now", then I let him stayed with me for the 3-day tour. When I knew that he got home safe, I texted him and broke up with him.

 

The first time he admitted to his parents about us, the parents were against with it. I broke up with him over the phone, I cried and tell him that we will never be happy if they won't accept us.... I heard him crying on the another end. Next day, he picked me up in the office then we were back together again. Now, it happened again after 7 months. Trying to move on. I always wanted to call him but I know we might get back together again and get hurt again. I was also thinking that incase he might be in healing stage, it would be hard for him to hear from me again after 30 days. I am not also closing the possibility that he might not really yet ready for a serious relationship for he can't fix things between me and his parents. He did defended me from his parents (through txt) when we were on the 3 days tour ... But I don't know... I am confused!

 

For now, I leave fate to work for us... Who knows, twist of fate may happen someday.

[aphrodite13]

I always think of him as i open my eyes in the morning. I always wanted to break NC. I always long for him. Everyday is really a struggle. How long can I handle this pain?

[mhowe]

Think of NC as a cast....to protect your heart.

 

If you had broken your leg and it was set in a cast...and it started to itch(because it was healing) you would not rip the cast off and stand on your leg. Because it would break again.

 

So...stay strong in NC and know that every day you accomplish it is another day of healing.

[aphrodite13]

thank you so much... now crying. this is really hard.

[jphcbpa]

Beautifully stated

 

Think of NC as a cast....to protect your heart.

 

If you had broken your leg and it was set in a cast...and it started to itch(because it was healing) you would not rip the cast off and stand on your leg. Because it would break again.

 

So...stay strong in NC and know that every day you accomplish it is another day of healing.

[aphrodite13]

Thanks JesseN. I hope i'll be stronger tomorrow and the days to come.

[aphrodite13]

Is it okey to block him in my Facebook? Stupid question but please help me to decide...

[Lucha]

Is it okey to block him in my Facebook? Stupid question but please help me to decide...

 

Not only is it okay, it is the ONLY way to protect yourself from incoming information that WILL hurt you. Please do it.

[aphrodite13]

Thanks. Today, On this 31st day on NC, I'll gonna block him in my Facebook.

[aphrodite13]

It's so stupid. I finally broke NC on the 32nd day. Sorry for the long post

 

I called him using my office phone. I greeted him happy chinese new year (he is a chinese).

 

Me: Hey happy new year

Him: Oh hey, (sounds excited & seems happy) Happy new year! where's my gift? my boss gave me only $12 (he laugh)

Me: I still have the gift which your parents and you gave me last year. I still keep the money. (i laughed)

Him : so, how are you?

Me: I'm fine...I'm okey

Him : Good to hear that .... wow, it's good to hear from you.

Me : So do I.

Long silence....

Him : How's your kid?

Me : she's fine .... she's good

Him : are you doing any sports activity?

Me : yeah, we do every other day

Silence ....

Him : of all the days, why it's only now that you called.

Me : Nothing

Him : oh you are very free...

Me : I guess its the right time to call... it's not hard anymore

Him : I'm glad to hear that..

silence again....

Him : how's love life?

Me : It's okey

Him : good to hear that

ing silence again...

Him : So, what's your plan in life?

Me : Nothing, still the same

Him : doing good with your job?

Me : Yeah, I'm good .... quite busy. How's your job?

Him : Still the same. I 'm in (building name & Level # blah blah...he told me detailed info as he used to do before.)

Me: (i told him about my job too) got talks and trainings to conduct

Him : (he gave me lot of words of encouragements)

Me : hey, i know you are busy so i think i need to go.

Him : I am busy but i can find time for you. So are you fatter now or thinner?

Me : I'm thinner, i guess

So we talk a bit about work... Then i have to cut it .... it's about 10 mins talk already

Me : I really need to go... i'm going out for ....

Him : going out for lunch right?

Me : Yeah

Him : Okey, i'll talk to you again... bye bye bye (he said it many times but i didn't say bye... i just hang up)

 

And i called again and said ... hey, you are still blocked on my phone so i can't receive any messages from you incase you txt me ....(hahaha I am ing stupid)... and he said "okey" ... I hang up.

 

He still talk same like before. Always sounds excited to tell stories. He sounds not depressed which I am happy to know. I feel better after our conversation. I love him and I am glad to hear that he is okey. I feel more peaceful now... but what about tomorrow... I don't know (funny me)

 

What will/should happen next?

[mhowe]

Nothing will happen next. That was the most painful conversation to read.

 

Go back to NC.

[aphrodite13]

For now, I can't figure out what our conversation means.

 

I will definitely go back NC now and hope not to break it again. It's like starting from scratch again but a bit easier now compared to the time we broke up. I am happy to hear that he sounds okey and seems he had moved on already. I feel so sad, really sad beacuse I miss him so more after I talk to him. I feel sad because I know we can not bring back the old days anymore. I really miss our friendship ... i miss him. 15 days ago, I have sealed a letter for myself to read after 3 years which I hope by that time I am already healed.

 

I am lying if I say that there is no any lingering hope after our conversation. But for how I know him, he will never initiate any move if he knows he will be rejected. I know that he wont reach out anymore.

 

I hope you guys out there will help me to move on.

 

Thank you

[aphrodite13]

it's my 4th day of NC after I broke my 32days of NC.

 

I miss him so much. I miss our friendship.

I know that this time I have to hold on to my NC forever... now that I know that he is fine and moved on. I hope I can do it.

I dont' know if I regret breaking the 32 days of NC. I have accepted the fact the that we can't be lovers anymore but I am still lonely missing the friendship we used to have. I miss our conversation which always seems to be no ending (for 7 years we've known each other, we never run through out of topic).There were no days we didn't laughed when we are together. I miss him being my best friend where he could always sacrifice his work (being workaholic) and dont mind to be stucked in a heavy traffic (which he hates most) just to pick me up when I suddenly ask for a date and he still do the same even the days when we already broke up. He would still insist to buy gift for my kid even we already broke up. We didn't really had a big fight. He will just scold me when I get sick and stubborn. And I scold him only when he buy expensive things or insist to bring me in a expensive place. He would always plan for his future with me and my kid. But then all these needed to end. Oh God, I miss him.

 

I called him 4 days ago, I wish I could have talked to him longer but I was scared that I might get to weak that I can't to let him go again.

 

I am now learning to pray for him every night that he could find a woman whom he will share his love and will love him more than I do love him. And also pray that someday God will let us be true friends again.

 

For now, I am focused on my kid...make my kid happy, as what he always wanted me/us to do.

 

I know that someday I will read back on my thread ... and say, Damn, I'm strong!:subdued: