delicous Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Hey all, I need help with my man who is not my man entirely. He has broken up with me and this was some time ago. He is back again. He has not left her, even though she is pure poison. She is his unhealthy addiction, if anything. He confided in me, he no longer wishes to follow that trail, he wants out of it, but he hates hurting people, making them cry... I don't think that is a big enough reason to continue such an unhealthy pattern. Drugs are involved, she doesn't cook for him or probably clean, but...she has something that I don't and I can't figure out for the life of me what it is she has that possesses him in such a way to still stay with her. He plans to move out, get his own place....He will be doing this in the near future. We reconnected and we seem to still like one another. I am not just in "like" with him.. I fell in love...Am I anymore? No. Can I fall back, Yes, very easily. Has anyone been in a love triangle? Do you have any words of encouragement? I am feeling a bit overly emotional so I did write a couple poems, what do you think? Anyways, thank you for the help! ~D Tidal Wave of Emotions Crashing Down I feel I am going to drown My own emotions just won't unsound I want to be kicked when I am already down It makes no sense to nobody but me I just really love him, why can't he see I think I love him, what else can it be? Am I so blind that I cannot see? Can I not see that he is a user He likes to abuse her spit me out and come back again its a round a go round, only the strongest will win What are we playing for tho? If I do win, will we even grow? Or just fade away like a pile of dust Collected around the house like a bathtub build up of rust? Or can we really fly like 2 doves in love as a pair? But why don't I see that he really does care? He cares about me a lot more than anyone seems to believe But I understand because all he ever does is leave I am so scared to be caught like a bug in a spider web to be swapped Swapped me for her and her for me when will he see? I am normal, clean and beautiful, pure and delightful, not to mention smart She is darker, uses his weakness to get what she wants, doesn't have a heart? How do I stop this madness and breath for a minute or two Why must I continue to pursue? I am unhappy, it's clear as daylight came in my life, now hes out of sight I wish I could do something more meaningful with my life maybe travel far instead of being deeper cut by the knife The knife in which is my life because of love not understood One minute happy as hell, next minute, theirs another mood He acts so crude with such an attitude Other side, he makes me happy and says I do make him happy too is happy enough for a true commitment to be done? Is it understand or should I run? Should I run deep into the meadows, never to be found again? Would that mean that instead of him, I win? Is this a game, is love a game, is it real anymore? so much promiscuity, whats this all for? Is this why love and chivalry have died? Lastnight under my covers, I cried But it was me in which he confided in doesn't that mean I should listen? Should I get to know him for good or run away? It is him I think of throughout the day and clear into night and first in the morning How could I ignore his morning phone call ring I wish we could reunite in peace But am I like an apartment lease? Will he use me for a yr and then let me go again? And then he will finally win? Will he keep coming and going for eternity? Or will he ever change and open his eyes and see? See that I love him and accept that its true I feel like I have the never ending love flu Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I think there is some poison here and it isn't the other woman. It's him, and it's a story as old as time. Two women fighting over him enough to be able to go from one bed to the other and completely getting away with it. Walk away from this and it will be YOU that has something that she doesn't, and that is your dignity and pride Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Tell him to contact you when he breaks up with her. All the rest is just words he says so that he can be with two women at the same time. Link to comment
RachaelRosen Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 He is poison to you, he treats you horribly. He "hates hurting people" yet he hurt you all the time with this hot and cold nonsense. I remember your threads about him. My only words of encouragement are to keep away from him and his sick games. He is not healthy and he does not respect you (or his girlfriend). Link to comment
delicous Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 The one bit of good news in this whole screwed up fairy tale is that I have not consented to sleep with him again. We held hands, and walked around, we had a meal. That is all. I am proud of both of us for not sleeping together, I think I'd be an even bigger wreck had that happened. Although he is a Casa Nova in bed....: / lol Link to comment
shelty24 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Why is your self worth so low that you will settle to get the little bits of scraps he gives you? Like a little puppy waiting to get the last scrap of bread off their owners plate. It makes me sad when I see women like you-women who really don't understand that they can do a lot a better than some cheating, lying, manipulative turd who tells you what you want to hear to get what he wants and then runs off home to give her everything hes not giving you. He is the poison, the toxic a**hole who keeps two women dangling on a string like puppets because you both let him get away with it! People like him are not worth the same air you breath! There are far better men out there, loyal, loving, caring who will give you the respect you deserve but first you need to respect yourself. As the other woman-that says something about you, your morals, your selfishness and in order to get a good man-you need to change or else settle and be the scraps that men use and then toss in the garbage for as long as you allow it Link to comment
shelty24 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 BTW some men will say ANYTHING, pretend to be some sort of victim in order to get you to feel sorry for him just so he can use you. Hes full of crap Link to comment
delicous Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 Shetly I am glad you are able to see through his crap, because for me...my glasses turned a bit rose colored lol!... Thank you for the words of encouragement to dump him and move on... I really need to make myself number one priority, although I feel I am worthy of a good, honest, loyal, sexy man...they aren't easy to find. I do still love him, even if his words held no actual weight. Why? Because I am the forgiving type, was raised to forgive on a constant basis by my own father/mother...they are both very very messed up individuals, yet I see the good in both of them plus...They made me, so theres that. lol..... It's a very hard habit to break mold of, especially when I obsess no deeply about being back with him, him actually changing and giving a crap about if I cry or not.... But hey, you know what they say....A person who doesn't admit there is something wrong and keeps repeating the same action is considered crazy, the person who admits there is a problem is considered "sane"....I think I might be a little bit of mixture lol! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 The one bit of good news in this whole screwed up fairy tale is that I have not consented to sleep with him again. We held hands, and walked around, we had a meal. That is all. I am proud of both of us for not sleeping together, I think I'd be an even bigger wreck had that happened. Although he is a Casa Nova in bed....: / lol You ask what compels him to stay with her. I ask: What compels you to stay with him or keep letting him hoover you back in for more of the same non-commital. He tells you what you want to hear and then he glides right back in. You're not having sex with him yet, but it's just a matter of time. You know it and we know it. Get the help you need from a good therapist that will help you with your self-esteem, your belief that you dont' deserve better then someone who won't commit to you, your need to be with a man that wants you to enable him to be with you while he keeps her. He does what he does because YOU let him. You know what hes like, telling you again is useless. You need to acknowledge what you're being like so that you an change that up. You don't love yourself. You have to Love yourself enough to say goodbye and keep him gone. To rehab completely from your drug of choice which is a love avoidant and the roller coaster ride you've become accustomed to being on with him. Only You have the ability to change yourself. Trying to change him you have zero control over. Link to comment
delicous Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 I need to get back on the ground, right now I am very much floating on a cloud named "Hope" Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Well if you know what stage you are in, then it should be very easy to get yourself out of it. You can hope until the cows come home, the REALITY is, you're his side peace at the moment, you're enabling him to cheat on a fellow chickie, you're in denial actually (not hope) because if you were not in denial, you'd realize what you allow him to get away with and you'd stop it. There is absolutely NO reason to "hope" here. Even if he leaves her and moves in with you, he'll likely still continue to see her behind your back. It's who he is. If nothing else, you're being very hurtful to YOURself by even talking to him as long as he is living with her. By allowing him into your life the way you're doing, you give him absolutely no reason to actually have to leave this woman he so conveniently tells you he is GOING TO but is still very much continuing on in that relationship. Link to comment
delicous Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 I love what you just said. You can hope until the cows come home, the REALITY is, you're his side peace at the moment, you're enabling him to cheat on a fellow chickie, you're in denial actually (not hope) because if you were not in denial, you'd realize what you allow him to get away with and you'd stop it. It explains what I am doing to myself in a nutshell!! And I am actually open minded enough to agree with every last word you just mentioned, even the most hard sentence..which is.... because it's saying even if we get back together, tiger stripes are staying in tact lol! 0X There is absolutely NO reason to "hope" here. Even if he leaves her and moves in with you, he'll likely still continue to see her behind your back. It's who he is. The thought of him continuing to see any ladies other than me makes me cringe and want to go crawl up in a ball....But.... I thank you very much for paying mind to write me. The biggest thing on my mind right now is "when and if" he will call. He told me he would like to hang out this week, but he didn't specify a day, which I should of made him specify so I am not all worried and scatterbrained as I am appearing to be at the moment. I really wanted to start out fresh, no drama and as actual friends, and build up to something more if it naturally were to occur and I am pretty sure that's what part of his intentions were too. I will be okay, he will be okay....everybody will be OKAY lol..... Thank you again for reading---will be and hoping for a real man to enter into my life. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 If he did things to show me he might actually care more than I thought, would you let him chase you or would you still ignore and move forward? Why give up any more faith right? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 If he did things to show you he really cares, you and him would be together right now in bliss. Don't think twice about any further interaction... Link to comment
delicous Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 If he is moving her out again, can that become bliss with us? lol Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 No, there wouldn't even be a her in the first place. You don't want a guy who will allow another woman come between you and him, no matter how cute he is! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 He told me he would like to hang out this week, but he didn't specify a day, which I should of made him specify so I am not all worried and scatterbrained as I am What? He's still with her. You didn't tell him to go hang himself (yes I said hang himself not hang out with himself)? Why would you even entertain him when he's still with her. To do so is totally enabling him to cheat, to string you along while he stays with her. Don't hang with him AT ALL. You do nothing to facilitate your own recovery from your drug of choice called "cheating assclown" when you keep having a hit. NO ONE will be Okay as long as he keeps her and you at the same time. Love yourself enough to tell him that you want nothing else to do with him as long as he has a Signifcant Other. She's his S.O. What then does that make you besides being played? If he is moving her out again, can that become bliss with us? lol I'm sure for a short while you'd convince yourself of just that. Our opinion would be different though because we can see that he doesn't know how to value you for the long haul. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Well... I totally get what you are saying lol. My dang ego is bright and glowing right now tho. He is moving her out, I am almost 99% sure of it, however he is so vague in his messages, I could misconstrue...lol And as far as being addicted to a cheating assclown. Yes I suppose I am somewhat. However I feel if he does anything to not hold weight to his words again, I will be done and he will be seeing dust .......... lol Thanks for being honestly blunt with me. It's what I need, although hard to take in at times.... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Well, delicous. I don't mean to be mean, just stating the truth is all. You'll do what you will. We all need to figure things out for ourselves. (hopefully by remembering what unbiased people see of the situation and stop all this going in hopeful and blind while ignoring red flags) Be well. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 She's his poison, he is your poison. He's not capable of having a healthy relationship with you or her. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 It's tough because I know you all are right. I am only human You all seem to think it's too late for him. That saddens me because I still have hope. He created that hope when he saw me last.... I still care so deeply, I love him, but I am not in love with him, I want to fall back in love.... Do things the right way perhaps? No sleeping together until we are seriously committed? Is it possible? No?.....: ( ... No faithfulness? No house, No kids? .... No great dates, nothing? I know I can move on, I just know this to be true. I just am holding on and it's so tough to explain what it is that goes through this head of mine while him and I are together... Its a crazy chemistry we have, a messy past, and upsetting one , at that. I'd like to look past it, but i'd like him to prove to me he is worthy of me because I know you guys think I have no self esteem, but I actually do know how good I am, what a catch I am, how much I have to bring to the table............ He told me the last time we saw each other he'd like to earn my trust back, and start seeing me again, maybe become more one of these days, again. that re-opened some pain. I didn't expect it. Anyways. Happy Superbowl Sunday! Broncos!!! Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I think he is due for some serious hard work, the ultimate commitment to making all this messy past up to you, seriously, blood sweat and tears in order to actually prove he is legit. However, no offence - but I think already him just 'claiming' he wants to earn your trust back has already tugged on your heart strings and it is dangerous. I think you need 6 months without him for you to somehow snap out of this, but you're probably not willing to do that because he is more important to you than yourself. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 6 months. I can do that, but we already spent 5 months away from each other. Yes, it pulled on my heart strings creating a false since of hope, I suppose. leaving him alone for another 6 months would be worth it if it meant we could be fixed. But...It may just be what I need is more time. I am not saying I am ready to play house. I'd love to actually be in love with the screwed up man and un screw him up just by my presence lol, but we all know it takes a lot of self reflection to ever change. I know for me, I am very hard headed and it took me over 2 yrs almost to even consider others advise..... It's very painful and hard stab in the heart knowing, even if we did "get back together" it would still fail.... And it would end with even more tears and more happy memories to look back at. It's a no win, no win for me...that's for sure : / Good news is there are other fish in the sea...well that is, until weather control/geo engineering comes full circle : / We are all doomed anyways, might as well spend the last days I do have with the people I care about!....even if it isn't destined to be... Link to comment
delicous Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 I am needing to snap myself out of it. Link to comment
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