HeartGoesOn Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I am needing to snap myself out of it. Yes you certainly do. You've been down this very same road before, and it's high time to choose a different route. Value yourself... Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It just sounds exhausting on top of everything else, absolutely exhausting. I have been stuck on a yo-yo before, but nothing similar to what you describe your situation. It's hard to let your head take over when your heart has been in control for so long, but that there in your posts is your head talking. You know all of this already. It doesn't have to be a hostile situation either, this man clearly has no idea what he wants either. One minute he thinks he's in love with you, next thing you know he has moved in with her, now he is moving her out and getting you back in - the pattern is shocking and I don't know why you have hope that this is it because if history repeats, which it often does if nothing is changed, it seems like you will enjoy a few moments of bliss with him before he is back out of the door. Your head desperately needs to take over in order for you to see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. It can begin with a simple message like "I need to take time to myself, I love you but I need a huge break from this situation, I hope you understand" Take time for yourself until you are truly detached from this man so you can see this whole picture bright and clear, you won't regret you did it. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 I know I should do that. I am overwhelmed by everything and having some time and space might do me a lot of good and him too probably? He needs time to get over whatever it is he feels for her .... its not dissipating over night, as much as I'd like it to. He has a bond with her, he never had with me. Different kind of bond,.....more close, and I just have to accept it....that him and I never had that, I'd like to tho?....and I think he'd like to build a deeper connecting with me? Why else would he mention wanting to hang out a weekly basis and do activities together, such as hiking, riding bikes, playing racket ball, so forth? Oh, I am mixed up. I will think about sending a message to him asking for more time, breathing room, time to think, sort things out in my head.... He came on too strong, I didn't mean for this to happen in my mind. I thought I had myself under control...... Why am I allowing this? Link to comment
delicous Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Well, he has yet to contact me. I am going to go on a date with a man I just met recently.... And tell him about it. Screw it, it's over. If it wasn't, he'd of contacted me the moment he had a chance to.. Would he not? And this guy I met is very sexy, and smart.... So why not? What better time than the present? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Or how about this: you just don't think one bit about him any more. No contacting him, not trying to get a rise out of him, NOTHING. he simply no longer exists, so don't even throw him out a hook, or a bread crumb, or whatever you want to call it. No baiting! If it wasn't over, you and him would have never broken up. It's Over, black and white! Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 There's no need to use this new nice guy to make your ex jealous. No mentioning your ex! Be 100% attentive to this one and you'll soon see that other, normal, more balanced men treat you a million times better than this jerk Link to comment
delicous Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 I'd rather him know I am done if he doesn't come around soon.... I'd like to have him wonder as well, it's a two way road..... I wish I could find a way to escape my pain I allow him to cause me, the bread crumbs I keep eating...Grr, But yes, I'd like to get a rise out of him, at the very least........ And I am definitely not using this guy I am going out on a date with, I like him a lot and he is sexy, and smart and has his ducks lined up in a way my ex may never..........have lined up. I am just a little on edge, i'd like to let him know hands down, I am washing my hands of him...But i'd like him to picture me with someone else, just to give him some of his own medicine. It's hard to forget about him, and my surroundings and everything...Grrr Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 NO ifs! he's not coming around, and if he Does come around, YOU'RE going to lose a couple more years of your life chasing him! His opinion in your life NO LONGER MATTERS, one bit! You have to stop this silliness! Link to comment
delicous Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 He called yesterday.. I told him I don't want him calling me anymore. He hasn't moved her out and from what I can tell nothing has changed, it's just gotten worse. I know he wanted to come over yesterday because he mentioned he did not want to go home. I was a real jerk to him, but....yeah I don't think he "didn't deserve it" I am having a hard time ... I really really cared. Unsure what Love is, but it's not this. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 He wants his cake and to eat it too... You should not be speaking to him AT ALL if he is living with another woman or dating another women. Not one word! He is not available if he is, and he is not interested in a monogamous relationship with anybody is he is willing to bounce between two women like this. He just wants stimulation and variety, and you're the source for that. You need to stand up for what is good and healthy for you, and that obviously isn't him. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 Yeah... I really do wish it was diff.. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 He wants me back. He has made it clear, yet words mean nothing without action...I am not planning on writing him back. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Yet I did because he forced me to by saying more absurd things....... Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I think you're so far into this that you're not actually believing the advice everyone is telling you. I think you do for a moment, because throughout this thread you've had moments where you've seemed to snap out of it, until he comes along and tells you all that you want to hear and you're back to hoping and wondering what if. Let me tell you this, he will never move her out while he can still get you, talk to you, get under your skin whenever he wants. he wants out of it, but he hates hurting people, making them cry... If you honestly think this is a valid reason for him being with someone else then what are you then if not a person? If he hates doing this so much then why are you having to go through it? If all you want is him, and no one can tell you otherwise then that is your choice. But you're never going to even have him as long as he can sit there using his words to get you to honestly believe that him seeing two different women at the same time is justifiable and because he "hates hurting people". If you're not going to go NC for yourself, then at least consider NC so that you might actually have a chance with him. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 >>Yet I did because he forced me to by saying more absurd things....... Nobody forces you to do anything unless you've got a gun to your head. You're not taking responsibility for your life and choices here. You can choose to be some guy's side piece while he lies and manipulates you (and you continue to get more of the same lies and misery), or you can choose to live your life honorably and with respect for yourself and what you need and put a stop to this nonsense by telling him you will not date some other woman's man on the side. Every choice has a consequence. And if you choose to continue with some man who is living with another woman, then you will pay the price for that. Your choice. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 I agree. He needs to get rid of her.... Link to comment
delicous Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 He says they broke up...But who knows right? I just am confused... I do know whats right and whats wrong. I'd like him to wait it out longer before deciding....But he told me he doesn't want to be alone....grr Link to comment
delicous Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 Going to give him a chance to win my heart over. It will not be an easy thing for him. He is making steps towards doing the right thing. I don't know exactly his motives are. So we shall still see on that part. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Good luck, I'm sure we'll be hearing from you soon Link to comment
delicous Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 Only time will tell. we are back together. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 How many years total have you spent doing this? What a shame, and a waste. Please get yourself some really good therapy. Your addiction to drama and your severely low self-esteem might ruin your life at this rate. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 It doesn't really matter or pertain to how we feel about each other, now does it? We are doing well, thank you for checking in. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Sure it does. It matters that how you feel about each other is radically unhealthy and painful for you. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Only time will tell. we are back together. Sorry to hear that, delicous. How did his live in girlfriend take the news? Link to comment
delicous Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 It's not radically unhealthy and painful. We are doing really good. Im giving him my trust and trusting him not to break it... As far as the Ex goes, she's gone. He isn't talking with her, that I know...Im done coming on here for now. Thanks for the advise ppl! Link to comment
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