Confusion-

[bulletproof]

Im done coming on here for now.

 

It's interesting to me that you think you will need this forum sometime in the future.

[lavenderdove]

>>She is his unhealthy addiction, if anything.

 

No, he is YOUR unhealthy addiction. He's not your man at all. He's HER man, and you're his side piece whom he goes to whenever he wants some stimulation or an ego boost or a booty call if you'll have him.

 

It is time for him to move out if he does want you. And you shouldn't be doing anything at all with him until he does. How many times are you going to believe his latest story/excuse/nonsense as to when he'll leave her, when he never does?

[delicous]

You are not caught up whats so ever Lavender.....

 

He had her move out and stayed with me while she did so, so yes, bad mistake on my part, but I opened up to him and he opened up to me in the mean time...we hit a few "what ifs if both our heads"...We are on pretty much solid ground right now. We are into each-other and I do have faith it will work out between us. This is the 2nd time he has asked her to move out and he is not going to be friends with her any longer. We are working on us and it has worked great thus far.

 

I have a couple insecurities I need to get over, but because I love him and believe him and I make a great pair, both physical and mental, I am choosing to trust he won't break me again. If he does, I only have myself to blame, but at least him and I both are giving it a Honest try... She is gone tho, I chose to not continue with him until he was completely done with her. So No, I am not a booty call, but I was....So we are working things out. Glad I have a couple good friends who are rooting us on.

 

And Yes, Bullet: It is quite definite we may hit a few snags moving forward, but most likely I will not need this since I do have true friends who will help me and who I know are not trying to sabotage. Thank you.

[bulletproof]

 

And Yes, Bullet: It is quite definite we may hit a few snags moving forward, but most likely I will not need this since I do have true friends who will help me and who I know are not trying to sabotage. Thank you.

 

If the implication there is that people on this board are trying to "sabotage" your relationship, you couldn't be more wrong. Why would anyone here have that agenda? They don't even know you. I would also question any real-life friends you have that actually encourage you to be with this person.

 

Please, please, please be sure that you are taking birth control.

[lavenderdove]

>>She is gone tho, I chose to not continue with him until he was completely done with her.

 

Just remember, he was perfectly happy to see you behind her back with her none the wiser, and can do the same to you! You don't have to worry about 'people' trying to sabotage you, you have to worry about HIM trying to sabotage you by cheating and sneaking around behind your back. That is his pattern, and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior! This guy doesn't do monogamy for long, and seems perfectly happy to ping pong back and forth between women for variety and excitement. So today he has 'pinged' in your direction, and in a couple months, he will be ponging in hers (or someone else's).

 

So keep yours eyes open and remember that trust must be EARNED and isn't based just on the fantasy that he'll mutate into a totally different and faithful guy just because you want him to. But perhaps you need another go round with him to convince you of that. Perfectly fine, and your choice, but don't blame other people for trying to introduce a little reality into your fantasy.

[delicous]

People do like to sabotage. Misery loves company =D

Not all do it on purpose, they just say what they think is right, no shame in that....But yeah we are going strong..No trace of her left in his home.

I am still keeping my "cheater radar gears on"... He gave me his password to his phone, we see each-other often..... I am not trying to worry about none-sense.

That is just as imaginary as me believing it's gonna work between us.

 

He's a good guy, and I am happy with him. I have missed him and glad he is back in my life. I have good feelings within my soul about us, so I do hope to see us go the distance. Just because he was cheating on me with her, doesn't mean he will go back to her again, although I understand why you'd think that. And just because he may have been cheating, doesn't mean he will cheat on ME. Only time will tell...So far so good though.

[missmarple]

Good luck but good guys don't leave their gf for another girl, then cheat on the new girl with their ex gf and then leave the new girl for the ex. At least, not in my book. Just be careful.

[delicous]

this is true, he did cheat on both of us and who knows how many more?...That's the old him...As you age, your habits can change, yes? And if YOU yourself want to change those habits, don't you? Wouldn't you do everything you could to keep the good habits that make you happy keep going?.... I know people don't change overnight, but I love him for him, just not the cheating part. He did leave her for me, and me for her, then moved her in again...This time around can end up the same, History does tend to repeat itself. I am prepared to let go, if it does come down to that. The chances are very little though. I am going to spare you all the details of the break-up.... It's over tho.

 

 

People like to improve themselves though and I feel he has been doing a great job at that. I have not pushed him towards either direction. Matter of fact, I did not even ask him to be with me. I told him to be done with her before hand and he did just that. I appreciate everyone concerns, but it's negative and I have a good feeling from within that he is not just changing for me, but for himself and to be happier. We make each other happy, the trust is coming full circle as far as things he didn't do in the past and now does, just like "phone calls, text, saying he will do something and doing it" All the things that matter.....

 

Thanks, I am keeping my faith for us strong!

[bulletproof]

I appreciate everyone concerns, but it's negative and I have a good feeling from within...

 

I am not sure you know the true meaning of negative. If I tell someone, "Don't go into that burning building, you will very likely die," that is not being negative, it is stating a fact and issuing a warning based on that fact. Even though the content is comprised of "negative" words/concepts (don't go, burning building, you will die) that doesn't mean that the person saying it is being "negative."

 

What people here are telling you is not negative.

[delicous]

We are still strong and doing well. He has been proving his love to me daily...I don't want to say he has changed, because that's not really what I was looking for him to do, but I can say this. I can say he himself is choosing to without any pressure from me to do the things he envisions and he has been doing well at them... he's taking steps, effort and so forth. It's a give/take Vs a give, give or take take, if you know what I mean?

 

Negative thoughts, feelings towards us , I interpret it differently than you mention. Anything that can potentially get in my mind and cause negativity is negative in my opinion and how I feel is if you have nothing positive to say, do not say it. I am not asking for people negative opinions, only positive feedback. I don't even care for the positive feedback any longer since him and I provide that to each other already.

[bulletproof]

I am not asking for people negative opinions, only positive feedback. I don't even care for the positive feedback any longer since him and I provide that to each other already.

By posting publicly on an open forum, you don't really have the power to only hear the feedback that agrees with your version of a story. To ask people to be supportive of you in your down times and then term those same people as "negative" when you return to the same behaviors that caused those down times is slightly hypocritical, in my opinion.

[delicous]

You don't have to post here any longer if you don't wish to.

 

I don't believe I need anymore outside public views or help with something that isn't a problem anymore, thank you to those who did cheer us on!

[Ms Darcy]

I stopped posting on your threads once I realized that you get something out of all of this drama. Might be something for other posters to think about. It's like knowing a "happy alcoholic." Sometimes you just gotta let them drink themselves to death.

[delicous]

After re-reading my post, I do sound a bit like I want drama/attention? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

I sound BRAIN WASHED...And so back and forth is disgust me. I just am so obsessive over the smallest things...and I always feel like I have to WIN and just don't even know what else to say.....I think I need to sort things out within me even more... I want to make him happy, and I want us to be happy together, but I have so much doubt still, I want to trust him 100%.... Yet, I hate staying away from him for even a day or 2...it eats at me...

 

He's doing nothing wrong, yet....I am still in this trap of roller coaster emotions/fears...so forth...

 

I had other things I was saying to rebuttal your comment, but it just makes no sense to waste that type of energy, especially since all anyone on here was really trying to do was to help....So I am sorry if I came off as a hard-a**. I am not trying to purposely be. It's like I'm on cloud 9 though and don't want to get off of it.

[delicous]

Just gonna try to focus on me and hope he fits in with my own way of life... Unsure how else to be happy...I can't depend on him for my happiness and he shouldn't have to feel like he has to depend on me for his happiness.....So confused...Still want to move forward, just feelin alone.

[delicous]

We are so far so good. Had a bit of a fight and it worried me for a couple days... We are still in contact, I love him still..He loves me still I assume...

[Moontiger]

Wow, your back with him again?

 

Let me try to explain my thoughts this way:

 

A man walks into the a kitchen and places his hand on a hot stove. He is badly burned and has to got his hand bandaged. The next day he enters the kitchen again and places his other hand on the hot stove. Again he is burned and now has two bandaged hands. A few months later his hands are healed but once again he goes back to the kitchen and places his hands on the stove. The cycle keeps going. Finally a friend of the man tells him to stop placing his hands on the hot stove. The man replies, "But what if its not hot this time?"

 

This your life with with guy. Also, "going strong" for a month or two proves nothing. He has done this to you before and will continue to. This is your choice.

[delicous]

Valid Point. It is my choice to make and my choice is to hope the stove is broken!

 

I care a lot about giving it an honest clean try. I am not prepared to get hurt again because I don't believe he will, but it's definitely on the higher

probability list and if this were a stock, it'd be almost 100% guarantee. There is no guarantee in anything in life tho?

[Moontiger]

Just don't be upset when he cheats. You know exactly what your getting with him so there will be no reason to be surprised when that happens.

[delicous]

Yeah, I think I'm all he can handle right now, so I am not too worried about it.

[Moontiger]

Yeah, I think I'm all he can handle right now, so I am not too worried about it.

 

The two most important words in that statement.

[delicous]

Still in love...Still happy, Still No Problems.. I feel we have both matured and are really working on not only ourselves, but as individuals we have grown.

[bulletproof]

You don't have to post here any longer if you don't wish to.

 

I don't believe I need anymore outside public views or help with something that isn't a problem anymore, thank you to those who did cheer us on!

 

Where did I say I didn't wish too? I pointed out an inconsistency in your behavior. I don't recall saying I didn't want to post.

 

After reading your recent posts, I will also say that even if this guy never cheats again, and the two of you never argue for the rest of your lives, the fact will remain that you are utterly dependent on him to validate you. Still unhealthy however you slice it.

[delicous]

We are still continuing to do well. He's giving me 100%... of him.... not in a needy type of way or insecure type of way, just in a way that I need and he knows.

 

It may reflect a little part of insecurity, however....it's something he's working with me about. The point is, I am not ready to give up on us. I am happy with him. He has began to share again how happy I make him, and it's not easy for him to open up about his feelings. He has been with me. Openly, and a bit cutesy and awkward. We are taking things at our own pace... get a house with him, move in in the next 6-12 months or so... But I understand he might not be ready for that again, and ill be able to sense it if he isn't in that time...although the signs he is showing of lately is him wanting that... I have noticed him using "we" a lot... we have been going on trips together a lot and been spending a good amount of time together.. I love human physiology and that can be the culprit of why him and I got in so many little fights last time we were trying things again. I don't plan to lean on that, although I will use it to look for red flags.

 

Just providing an update and this also helps me gauge where I am. Thanks...

[Moontiger]

*shrug* it's the same ace you've been in with him dozen of times before. And there is a 99.99% chance it will end just the same way it has every time before. So I guess all I can say is enjoy it while you can and prepare for the emotional fall out to follow.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk