ALovingKitten Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 She said it was rude of me to ignore his 3 attempts to reach out to me and it was good to tell me he got home safe both times and now he doesn't know what happened to me in about a week. To be honest pretty sure he hasn't worried about if I was okay or not his motto is "don't spoil my good time" ..but I am very close to my aunt and now I feel crappy. I need to send a quick email to his work today because when going to his work things are kept civil unlike private mails like gmail where personal BS spills all out and over. Can anyone help with with a brief few sentences to say back to him. To be honest I didn't want to reply because he was signing his initial only in his replies and I felt he is doing it to hurt me still after saying please do not sign it that way least type out your full first name... I won't end with Love you I'll use the Take care option given to me in one of my threads. I feel a bit angry with him and I don't think I can successfully hide my tone I'd appreciate any help.Thank you. Have to go, be back to check again in 2 hrs. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 He broke up with you. You do not need to reply to him. Your aunt is wrong. You are looking for an excuse to be in touch. Stop telling him how he is allowed to speak/text to you. It is absurd. Link to comment
Lucha Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 If mhowe is right about him dumping you then you owe him nothing. It is already so hard to focus on yourself and your own healing so why make it harder for you by making yourself feel guilty? There's absolutely no need to. Link to comment
ALovingKitten Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thanks for replying. I am having a few power issues off and on so what I did was send a vm to his cell phone at his work he won't pick it up because working hrs and said thanks for letting me know you arrived both ways okay and there has been 3 storms and I have been very busy with day and night works whole week.. that was about all I said. Not much more. My aunt said I am better than to ignore a good gesture so I didn't. And my ex and I have been off and on for about 8 yrs ( was my 1st)... he still wants us to be friends but is hard because I am the one still left actually in love with the other. I think I did the right thing, no more guilt. Link to comment
Lucha Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I'm glad you feel relieved. If you can take the high road then by all means do it, you loved this person for 8 years and if he didn't do anything wrong like cheating or lying then if you can be polite, why not. Some people (including myself) go through an angry phase in which it's better not to reply (or else end up ranting at him). The advice to go no contact is for you to heal. If you should feel like contact is setting you back then it's better not to initiate any. Replying is ok I guess. Link to comment
ALovingKitten Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Thank you, Lucha. Not as far as I know through out our relationship he never cheated and only on this BU did he remove saying I love you which probably says on all other BU's he never had sex with others or was intimate. He isn't perfect and because I acknowledge that to him he wanted a girl who only sees his pluses not his minuses ( in not so many words is what he said plus he turned 30 and can't do it anymore???). The BU came off a fight prior to. I had a drink before I called to try to snap out of any tone I would have in my voice I got a text back after he left his work saying.. " Oh hey, there she is - thought you fell into another blackhole - thanks for letting me know you were okay after a week. Talk later *initial*. So again he shows anger at me trying to take space because hurt same as last time I took space over a minor meltdown. We are basically like pick at each bro&sis at this point. Link to comment
Lucha Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 He appears to be in the anger stage.. It will pass (and maybe come back again), just know it's probably nothing personal he is just grieving. If it is hurting you maybe try NC again. Link to comment
ALovingKitten Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 Yep, I agree but why? he is off having sex with a few according to himself... got exactly what he wanted so why continue ting on me? He is an immature 30, and considering I think he started dating someone 10 yrs younger than himself yeah. He doesn't want to overly give me attention but when I don't hop to reply on his tiny breadcrumb trail his pissy male attitude emerges. ( he is type of guy used to getting female attention, and never liked I treated him like an equal) I don't feel he is grieving... he wanted this BU and me back burner'd and put in my place. I chose not to reply to his text can leave as is if he wants to talk more like he stated he knows where I am. I feel more angry at him now then day this all happened. Boos. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Be isn't grieving. He has moved on...it is you who is insisting that he keep in touch, you who is trying to make him change what words he should use and how to sign off. And then you don't reply and be leaves you alone. Until you come up with an excuse to contact him... Just stop contact and he will disappear. Link to comment
ALovingKitten Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 I never even remotely implied he was grieving, so why say that back to me, Lucha said maybe he was grieving and I replied no he probably isn't. He asked for the time out and to date others.... he hasn't moved on though he is the one who made me promise and promise to remain friends even though I almost always stopped talking to others who I casually dated after BU's and he never wanted that for us. He doesn't understand because he lacks empathy for others, that I find it difficult to be chatty good palsies with him when I still have feelings of love for him - he cannot get why I can't do as him and go out and fck someone. Says to me that he never really understood me. Signing a initial at end of something is immature ... he is a businessman, he'd never sign a correspondence with only an initial - he signs his full first name sometimes last as well... he does this because he knows it bothers me. He is immature. No he doesn't leave me alone when I don't reply, he still comes at me with texts or emails. Some I put into another folder until I am ready to read because I know he will add something to hurt me on purpose like I said it is like two bickering siblings. I am tired of fighting. Plus making himself c_m in regards to thinking of me is inappropriate actions not signing love to someone he keeps claiming he still loves and will always love ( whether romantic love or not) isn't ... again him being selfish and only caring about what pleases him. I'm not even close to being the bad guy in this We live in the same town so he won't just disappear I will continue to see him pop up from time to time and we have 100's of friends in common off being together for 8 years. I wish it was as simple as you make it it just isn't. Do I want to move on in some ways yes definitely from the anxiousness, the stress, the tears and hurting. Do I want to never not talk to him again? Probably not, because then I wasted 8 years of my life, death of a parent, cherished pet in those years and other health issues. I feel I lost enough I don't want to lose anything else. I just want time to heal and be able to talk civil to him - I don't not want to hear about his dating sex life at all or have him treat me like his back up. If we can be real friends, good if not then 8 years down the drain. Makes me sad... and I feel I have a right to be sad right now this is recent still for me and unresolved. Thank you for replying . Link to comment
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