How many chances. ..

[Ryan Thompson]

So i began seeing this woman about 9 months ago, I shouldve waited to get serious, but we had an instant connection and attraction, so things went a little faster than expected.

This woman was married, but a divorce was filed and in the waiting process that Texas requires. She no longer lived with her husband at the time either.

We dated for 5 months and everything appeared perfect until the two reconnected at the services of a family friends passing. It was that night that this woman spent with her husband, and behind my back had lied about it. She eventually told me what happened when I questioned her, the husband and her had a long discussion on giving their relationship another chance. I told her, if she chose him over me, I'd be gone for good. She chose to give him a chsnce, two weeks later, she got in touch with me. Her husband again had turmed into the verbally abusive, belittling guy that he was before, who abuses prescription pills. She again moved out of his house and begged for me back. After some discussion for a few days, we decided we'd be back together.

2 months had passed, we were dating as we had before, and she did the same thing. This time going to his house to pick up the rest of the items she had at his house. He convinced her for another chance by throwing past experiences and good times at her. Behind my back, she gave him another chance without telling me. I caught her and broke it off again.

Well, same thing happened, some abusive guy and same drug problems, she said this was it. She's done with him...no more.

We are back together, not nearly as serious as we were before because I was being a lot more cautious this time.

Two weeks had gone by, she stayed the night at his house again. Went by to grab something and discuss their divorce, he persuaded her with his good times talk and past relations, fooled her. I was done, once and for all, ready to quit on her.

One day later, her mother had contacted me, and told me that she was sorry for her daughters confusion and bad choices, that she would never enjoy a future that she seemed with him and believed I was put on this earth to be with her. Begged me to not give up, but try my hardest to pull her away from him and be with me.

So i gave her an ultimatum, contact him and tell him she is done or lose me forever.

She cried, then talked to her mom. Jet mom talked some sense into her and she told me she was going to tell him she's done for good and to never contact her again. She showed me the conversation they had on the phone and after came to me, crying and begging for me to please give her one more chance to prove herself. She wasn't asking I take her back right away, just not to give up on her. She would prove to me that she is done with him and wants a future with me.

My guy says leave her be, but my heart says let her do her work. I do love her, but I do not want to give in so easy like the last times. I told her she can have her chance, but don't consider us anything. We are not in a relationship, and I won't consider being in one until the divorce is finalized, in the meantime she needs to convince me that she is over him and will not contact him anymore.

 

I guess I'm just wondering, what would everybody else do? Let her go. Give her a chance? What should I do?

Currently we talk and she's constantly in touch with me trying to prove to me that she isn't seeing him behind my back. She's removed everyrhing from his house, and asks to spend her time with me everyday.

[Kendahke]

IF someone's mother has to get into the mix, then you need to just walk the heck away and leave her be.

 

She cannot be the only woman in your area.

 

She is not done with her ex, despite what you and her mother choose to believe.

 

She's gone back with him 4 times that I can count. She feels tied to him somehow and you being on the planet isn't enough of a reason for her to leave him alone.

 

Stop dealing with her. If he called her again, she'll be talked back into spending the night with him. She's too weak for him and you have to let that mess lie. At best, you're her rebound and not a very strong one at that if she can't keep out of her ex's bed.

[mhowe]

You should have walked after the 2nd. She cannot be faithful. Period.

She was sleeping with you while married to him....and is clearly eager to continue sleeping with him. And would still be doing so if you hadn't called her out. 4x.

[ohdeer]

She's obviously not over him. Staying with her is good for neither of you. She needs to figure this one out on her own.

[HeartGoesOn]

This reminds me of the story, "The Little Boy And The Rattlesnake."

 

"You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!"

 

"You knew what I was when you picked me up," hissed the snake as he slithered away.

 

 

I would take this as a lesson learned, as you knew she was still married when you met her.