Its an endless cycle-most girls go for jerks.

[Shinobie]

It just never stops many girls just keep on going out with jerks all the time its just an endless cycle.Like my friend jake keeps on getting girls and he is a big jerk.All he wants is sex sex sex he does not care about their feelings at all.But girl after girl just goes out with him seeing what i do not know at all in him.When they talk about marriage he just blows off those conversations and wants nothing but to get to the sex he doesnt care one bit about them cept for his own pleasure.O yah but the reason he gets all these girls is thta he has attraction which is what like 99 % of people go by and dont care one thing about the nice shy,unattractive guy or vice versa.I just dont get what the heck u girls see in jerks cept for their attractiveness.Any girls that have dated jerks why do u go for them and like them?What do u see in them?Why dont u ever go for nice guys like me?Is it because we are to unatractive?Anybody have some answers?I dont believe in u get what u deserve i think that bullcrap is totally false.Because nice guys like me get nothing and jerks get everything it is the other way around believe that jerks get girls and nice guys get lonliness.

[tea]

Wow. you just posted all that and you still don't see why girls rather go for jerks than go for the other half of the population..

 

... look at what you wrote! it's cynical, depressing, and pessimistic with absolutely no self confidence.

 

... is it too much to ask for a guy not cynical, not depressing, not pessimistic, with some self confidence?

 

Being nice and complain all day long isn't going to get you friends not to mention girls. you can at least pick up your spirit a bit and maybe you'll find someone.

[asmodai]

Im one of those 'nice guys' and have to admit I agree with you to some extent, but its NOT 'most' girls as you say. I used to get frustrated because it seems to be the situation these days- You think of a girl then look at her b/f and just dont see the match - is she blind/stupid/superficial/'loose',

 

The answer is NO, most probably not! And in any case it's really not our business. I would like to give these girls the benefit of the doubt and realise that they are intellegent and independent enough to leave at any time, so obviously they see something in these guys, I must admit in alot of cases I wouldn't have a clue, but hey thats because I'm biased -they got the girl and I dont

 

I also agree with the last response, bottom line is us guys need to offer something to these girls. Maybe they go for the confident, assertive types because they like to feel secure and submissive (please dont flame me girls, just a thought ). Going in with that approach shows that you have no security, you are not confident in who you are, and consider yourself not to be worthy of them, of course they aren't going to be interested in that!

 

Dont go for sympathy and be a doormat, but you dont need to be a big headed jerk and go for the sleazy pickup line. You need to meet them half way, - just be as open and as friendly as you can, its an old saying but be yourself.

 

Also, ask yourself this question: Presumably you want a lasting relationship with a girl (not just a one night stand), how many of these girl-jerk relationships last?? Not many, either he finds another score or she wisens up and moves on.

[RedWhiteBlack]

I'll add my two cents even though most of it has been covered in the post above. Little late on finishing up this post.

 

I can't really blame you for being a angry over this. I've got a similar problem where I'm the nice guy and my friend is the jerk. He gets "relationships" while I'm stuck with friendships. I have some theories about why it happens, but it's possible that I may be wrong. First off, there are a lot of girls who go for the bad boy. They want their friends to see them with those guys to kinda up their status. Another reason could be that they know that if they keep the nice guys as friends, that relationship won't end as fast, if ever. It could be that the girls know that the jerks are disposable and don't really plan on keeping them around for long in the first place. The nice guys on the other hand; they want to keep around for someone to turn to. And as many of us know, getting into a romantic relationship with a good friend usually ends the friendship after the break up.

 

I don't really understand this whole "be confident" thing, either. Because, I for one, consider myself to be quite confident with me being a nice guy and being able to cheer people up. I've tried using some tips from some friends of mine on how to be confident, but it always ends up with me being taken as big headed. So what exactly would be a person's way of "being confident?" I guess not complaining about this sort of thing could help. But when someone has tried tried being themselves, and the nice guy thing isn't working at all, you really can't criticize them for being angry about it.

[asmodai]

Sorry to beat you to the post!!

 

Maybe i should rephrase- Confidence is one thing, but it should never get in the way of who you are.

 

I totally agree with you, and i'll admit its DAMN frustrating. Maybe alot of girls go for the 'jerk' type guys because that's all they have access too- they're too shy themselves to go out on a limb with guys that are not in their face. By the same way that the jerks use these girls, you are right in that they are (often) using them aswell,

 

and some girls DO like to use the 'nice guy' friend to make themeslves feel better and whinge to about their jerk b/f- think about it by staying friends they get all the conversation, our sympathy and attention, but in return they give us nothing (no i'm not just referring to sex) and they know it! They know we like them more than a friend but they dont care..

 

All you can do is either walk away from these friendships, or stick around in the hope that the girl will eventually come round, in the meantime it pays to be who you are but be the 'best' of who you are (ie: be as open and approchable as you can) and hopefully a girl will come along.

[asdf]

you know what's another annoying endless cycle? guys complaining about girls always going for jerks. most girls do not enjoying being treated badly (there are a small number who do, mainly just because of personal issues)

 

i can tell from your post that you are obsessive (paying so much attention to other people's relationships) and insecure (you feel like you can't get a girl because you're too "nice").

 

general rule of thumb is that girls like a man who's manly. confident, does what they want, doesn't submit to anybody. you don't seem like that kind of guy. you described your self as nice, shy, and unattractive. now the nice and shy thing paints you as submissive, and the unattractive thing shows that you're not confident in yourself. you also seem to have a very negative view on life.

 

man, keep your chin up, smile, and don't be afraid to approach a girl. it'll make all the difference.

[Shinobie]

Tea what u dont see is that i come here to vent because i have no where else to go.U dont know how i act in real life.In real life im very clammed and tell nobody my problems not even my best friend or my family.I NEVER complain about girl problems to anybody at fricken all in real life.In real life im extremely shy too and dont know how to act around people.This is the only place to vent so i use it.

[Strictly4MyGrind]

Meh the gurls that go for the jerks arnt the rite gurls for me because if they cant see past that stupid jerk to me then why shud i be intrested in them?they prolly jus stupid and shallow gurls hu deserve the jerk....if they had any sense theyd go for the guy that will give them wat they want....

[Roasted Carrots]

Being one of the girls who go for jerks, let me offer up my own theories:

 

Sometimes it is yes, the initial attraction. Bad guys are suave, sexy, and have led me through those first awkward steps of the dating game. But I doubt most girls go to the jerks to pick up tips.

 

More often, girls have the inert need to "change" guys. I went back to one jerk twice, knowing perfectly well he was a cheating player, because I was hoping that I would be his last. I kept hoping that some soft kiss of ours would change him, that a whispered promise would melt his heart.

 

It didn't. That particular guy wasn't the worst jerk on the planet: he's still my friend, but he definatly falls into the "jerk" category.

 

As for the whole "nice guys finish last" thing....it really depends. I have a handful of guy friends I consider to be "nice guys" who are just drowning in girls...but they are so terrified of getting hurt (or the girls, occasionally) that they freeze. It takes them awhile to weed out from the "friend" girls to find one that will truly not hurt them.

 

Anyway, back to the point. Bad guys/jerks are getting girls who feel the need to change them, or in sever cases, girls who want to rebel. Nice guys are often too shy to talk to girls on their own, or too nice to weed through the throng of girls.

 

My advice? If you're a jerk, stop it, that's rude. If you're a nice guy, focus on the girl you like. Shower her with confidence and smiles. If she's unavailable (for instance, if she has the jerk as a boyfriend) refuse to be the fallback emotional blanket. That's what perpetuates this cycle. Quit feeding her emotionally, and when she realizes how much she needs you, maybe she'll fall in love with you for real.

 

I suppose the best option is a mix of both worlds. Hope my little rant helps. Or makes sense.

[rubberband_man]

I personally believe that jerks will get a lot of girls, but the nice guys will pick up one (the right one) and make her very happy.

[tea]

I personally believe that jerks will get a lot of girls, but the nice guys will pick up one (the right one) and make her very happy.

 

That's what I keep telling my best friend. I agree with that to some extent. IMO, the girls people really want to find are girls like my roommate... completely uninterested in guys until she finds someone who deserves her attention... but I can bet that when she finds that person they'll be married in a year and they'll both be very happy. She's 22 right now and she's looking for guys 2 to 6 years older than her... so if she's the model nice girl, then a nice guy probably wont really find a girlfriend until when he's 24~28.

 

 

 

Shinobie, I never assumed this is how you act IRL. This isn't how I act IRL either. IRL i'm always smiling and always polite. LOL. totally different from me here.

 

 

What I'm trying to say is your attitude online does show up in daily lives even if we don't mean it.

 

Even though I was always smiling and polite and a lot of people mistakenly think I have no temper, no one tried to boss me around because somehow they just know that'll piss me off.

 

What asdf said is true. If the first half makes you upset, don't listen to it. The last sentence is very important though. If you just stop being shy, you'll start getting girls.

 

You sound like someone totally datable and can be an awesome boyfriend... but you have to start taking control. I'm not saying you should be a jerk, but you should stop being afraid of what you want. There's something very very attractive in a guy who's not afraid to meet girls and present himself. Convince yourself that you're not afraid, don't go up to girls like you're trying to please them... just go up, make an introduction... if they dont' like you, who cares, move on, you're a wonderful guy and if they don't like you it's their loss.

 

you know what else is very attractive? super heros. Guys who know their way around places, can fix everything there is to fix on earth, know about the randomest things and when I go to a museum I just absolutely find my boyfriend sexy when he explains all the art pieces or artifacts to me. Make yourself really knowledgable and accidently leak out your very smart without being obnoxious... then girls will flop like butterflies.

 

^_^ Relationship is really a game. You just have to know how to play it.

[Shinobie]

u guys always say that u go out with them to change em but whats the point almost always they never change.They jsut stay jerks because they constantly get women because they are attractive and shallow people like people who are attractive and have a mean personality its just human nature i guess for most to like that.

[tea]

Not most are like that.

 

My friend just told me somethiing he found out the other day... he heard from some expert that people from abused families pick up subliminal hints on who could be an abuser or who would take abuse... then they seek each other out.

 

So it's not really a lottery... and those girls who always go for jerks didn't accidently go for jerks... they're actually subconsciously looking for jerks.

 

... honesly, you don't want those girls either because you're not an abuser.

 

Most girls dont' think they can change people, most girls get out of a relationship if they don't feel like staying in it.

[PrincessLinzay]

It really isn't necessarily that women look for jerks. No one can help who they're attracted to, and the truth is 99% of the time, they AREN'T jerks when we meet them. (or at least they sure as hell don't act like they are). It's once you get to know them that you realize they're a jerk and at that point it's too late.

 

For each woman that gets with a jerk, there is a woman in a fullfilling relationship with a "nice" guy. Just like with everything else, people have a tendency to notice the bad first. (Don't see many people on here or in real life talking about how wonderful their life is and how happy they are with their b/f, g/f, usually only hear about it when life sucks and they're not getting along).

 

People generally find that when everything is going well, it's boring conversation. I have many friends in perfectly happy relationships with nice guys. Many of my friends are "nice" guys and have girlfriends. We aren't leaving you guys out, you just haven't found the right girl yet. You admitted that you're a shy guy, well girls are just as shy. Usually the jerks are the aggressive ones who approach us.

 

Something to think about.....

[McPhil]

If you just stop being shy, you'll start getting girls.

Easier said than done. For those of us who have never been shy, this is a very easy thing to say. But I have been a naturally shy person for my whole life, and it'll take a lot to change me, but I'm verrry slowly outgrowing it.

 

As for Shinobie's first post, I find that to be true in most cases. Some of my friends are very nice people but have lots of trouble coming up with a girlfriend. Of course, tea's comment about being the submissive doormat type of person also holds some truth. It seems that girls want someone who is domineering, but not overly so, but only see the two extremes, and choose the domineering "jerk" as Shinobie so quaintly put it over the "nice guy" like him or I, for example.

[WhatInThe]

my friend told me this, "you see, the way i look at it, there are two types of guys. there are the trophy guys and the nice guys. girls date the trophy guys to show off what they can get, even if they are jerks. but girls look for love in the nice guys and they marry nice guys"

 

that sucks, but its the truth i think

 

like i don't like it that these girls go out (and sometimes have sex) with a million guys, then when they're about to get married they look for nice guys like us

 

why do they get to be with a million other people and us only with them in the end. thats not fair.

[Double J]

Shinobie,

 

I posted in response to another thread you started a while back. It really bothers me to see you feeling so down all the time. Lighten up a little. Stop making girls your world. Distract yourself in other things. You seem to depend too much on girls to make you happy with yourself, and if you continue on this path, you're going to be disappointed for a very long time. I understand that you come here to vent, and we're always open to give you advice. But we're not the ones that are going to change you - only you can do that.

 

Quit worrying about jerks getting girls. You don't want to become a jerk - because it's obvious that's not you at all. You have to work on your confidence.

[DropToZero]

Hey whats up shinobie, man...what everyone here is sayin is pretty much right. You need to work on confidence, and also need to learn something else. You talk about your friend getting all the girls even tho he doesnt care about them emotionally. In a short sense, he understands what he's doing, he doesnt care what the girls think of him. They like him b/c he flirts with them, teases them probably, gets the GIRL to be the one wondering 'does he like me?' If I'm wrong, lemme know. He may be a jerk, but you in a sense aren't going to get anywhere just being 'nice.' I'm not saying it to be mean, but ANYBODY can be nice, you have to go out, meet new ppl, experiment, flirt, tease, you just cant sit back and complain while your friend gets all the girls.

[rubberband_man]

Something else I notice: nice girls go for nice guys

[Kitz]

You know what? I am so over all these enotalone people complaining, day after day after day about how girls /always/ go for jerks.

So maybe we do? I see so many guys on here claiming that they know more about how the female mind works than a fricking female does.

So I find a 'jerk' more attractive than some whiny, whinging, self-proclaimed 'nice guy'. So what? Get over it already.

 

Right. I just realised that my post probably made no sense whatsoever -- but at least you will have learnt one thing from this: Dont piss off a girl with PMS.

[RayKay]

LOL Kitz, I was feeling the same way yesterday and got a bit frustrated with the posts I always see!

 

I too as a female member of these forums am amazed at how many guys seem to be convinced they know how our female minds work, and that we all go for jerks, that we are shallow, and only care about height, or cars, or money or guys that look like they stepped off the cover of Men's Health. And so apparently, it is OUR fault that we can't see how great they are through the low confidence and complaining.

 

Just like men do, women go for whom makes them feel good (I am talking long term relationships here, not short flings) and it seems that if that guy also happens to be attractive, it is judged that we are with him for his looks. Just MAYBE he is a great person and we fell for them for many many reasons! But then, then it is easier to say that we go for jerks or are shallow rather than take charge of your life and get out there!

 

Attraction is important for both sexes, however attraction is a lot more complicated than looks, or money. We don't GO for jerks, we go for men who treat us well, who respect us, who are caring and fun, intelligent and active, confident and kind. Maybe some girls go for what you would label jerks, but maybe they are the shallower ones, or maybe they have self esteem issues themselves. Most of us want the good guys who live their lives rather than complain about how it is so unfair all the time.

[asmodai]

I dont think any guy on this forum has seriously claimed to know the inner workings of the female mind, we know not to even go there , but as guys we try to make sense of what we see (often getting things wrong completley i might add).. and I can understand why you'd get sick of seeing this same topic over and over-the amount of replies to this thread demonstrate that this is a very emotive issue for both sexes.

 

But for those guys who arent as outgoing the issue is You girls expect us to approach you yes?, you want a guy to look at you and think 'that is what i want' and just go for it, basically what i'm saying is it is a BIG task to be the aggressor in the social settings.

 

Now i'm certainly not saying this always happens (plenty of girls go up to guys etc.) but society is geared this way..

 

Yes, girls are shy too...You can make all the flirty eyes from accross the room that you want but mostly its US that have to make the move, US that have to put ourselves out there, now by and large we AREN'T insecure neurotic weak minded doormats, I for one am happy in who I am and what I want out of life, For sure, if theres a girl i REALLY like, i'll get out there and give it a go but I'll hardly be at my most suave and confident..but if us guys get nervous and apprehensive, its usually because we REALLY like you and we want to get to know you, NOT because we want to be your slave and bow to your every whim, NOT because we are unsecure and have no will of our own, and NOT because all we see is a nice pair of legs, we are genuinely interested in you as a whole person and that strikes a chord with us, it is the hardest thing a guy will ever do in his life is put himself on the line for a girl that we admire, respect and feel for so much but often this nervousness gets misinterpreted as insecurity and weakness.

 

Just my thoughts on this matter..

[rubberband_man]

well said

[Caldus]

It's an endless cycle...Shinobie keeps posting the same kind of topics...

 

Shinobie you have posted topic after topic about these kinds of subjects. Are you doing anything about all of this or what? Are you going to keep posting more topics like this or are you going to tell us your progress so far? If you're still having trouble with certain things when it comes to raising confidence and self-esteem then let us know. But don't sit here and whine about it all day. It doesn't help. What will help is that you better yourself in some way everyday. What have you done today in order to improve yourself? I'm here to help you Shinobie, not ridicule you.

[Alabama]

It may seem like it Shinobie that girls go for jerks, and granted some might, but it reminds of girls whom I've talked too, and they think that all guys are jerks. People make generalizations about both sexes, many times because they've had bad relationship problems. And that's really sad. Yet I've learned through my horrible attempt at finding love, that each girl is different, and their tastes differ. That's why it's best to get out more, socialize, and and not worry about if you've attracted the girl you desire. Personally, I don't believe in fate, or the whole thing that you have a soulmate somewhere in the world. Yet, I do know that you can't just let things be, if someone doesn't accept you, because they go for jerks, then that's their problem. Yet there are also those guys who are jerks, and only care for sex. The point is, you have to keep looking, until you find someone who likes you for who you are. It's frusterating, and I should know, I've looked. But once you find love, it's the greatest feeling in the world. Good luck!