Boyfriend pushed me away when grieving

[AnnaMaria]

Hi all,

 

I wanted to ask for advice or if anyone had any similar experiences it would be great to hear! I was in a relationship for around 6 months; it was long-distance but it was going so well; we were both in love and communicating every day and seeing each other every few weeks, both travelling to our respective countries to spend time together after we met when he was on vacation in my hometown last summer.

 

A few months into our relationship his grandfather-who he was very close to- suddenly got very sick when I was due to visit him. He told me to come anyway and we had a great 4 days together- Then when I got back home he told me the grandfather was a lot worse...we continued to message that day although I was back at work and very busy but we messaged as much as possible. It was after this things went wrong- the next day I heard nothing from him all day, which was strange as we were in touch every day ever since we met- then I was working until 11pm but messaged soon as I managed to leave my work event- he was very distant in his messages and got a bit angry with me when I misunderstood something so I suggested we speak another time as realised it was a difficult time.

 

I then did not hear from him for the rest of the week even though I carried on messaging him every day but nothing- then finally he took my call days later and he told me his grandfather had passed away and how upset he was with me as he felt I had abandoned him in his time of need- which I was so shocked about as I had been in touch every day- and that he thought it was best I didn't visit him the week after (I'd booked to visit weeks before) because he'd be busy sorting things out for his late grandfather.

 

I decided to visit the city anyway as my cousin lived there and I thought that way I could physically be there for him without getting in his way-but then before I arrived he told me he didn't want to speak to me for a few days and needed space, which upset me-and even when I arrived in his country I heard nothing for several days until I messaged him asking when he wanted to meet up then we exchanged some messages . Then on the day we arranged to meet; late in the evening when I was ready to go and meet him, he messaged to say he was still sorting some stuff out for the grandfather and was starting work early the next day so could we meet the next morning instead?

 

Unfortunately then i really lost my temper- and we had a row- I felt so hurt he hadn't contacted me all week even though I was in his city ... It ended with me saying he was selfish and he told me he thought I didn't understand what he was going through and that was why he wanted to be alone but as I said, how could I understand him when he wouldn't talk to me or see me, at which point he told me was so sorry but he wasn't used to sharing difficult times with anyone and was having a bad time and wasn't himself- and to add to the stress he was under his sister was due to have an operation the week after so he was very worried about her too. So in the end I never even saw him even after spending a week in his city-as I told him I didn't want to rearrange for the next day because I was so angry.

 

I messaged on the day of his sister's operation to say I hope it went well and the thanked me-then a few more messages to see how she was doing- then a week alter I tried to call him but there was no answer so I emailed to say it would be good to talk and find out how he was doing...but no reply. I then decided to go 'no contact' for a while as I didn't get the impression he eve wanted to hear from me- and he has not contacted me at all over the last 3 weeks.

 

I am so lost- as we never broke up officially- but yet he doesn't want to talk to me or see me- but at the same time I am worried about him and feel so sad at the idea our relationship is over as things were going so well before...I'm thinking about reaching out to him again......but I just don't know if he wants to hear from me (ever again) or if he will think I abandoned him if I don't at least try?

 

I miss him so much....

[Kendahke]

He's going to think whatever he wants to think even if you try to contact him. He's done it before.

 

I'd leave him alone. Let him sort his feelings out. He doesn't want your support--he's made that quite clear.

[abitbroken]

You guys don't have anything solid yet = when you visit eachother, its like being on vacation and not a day to day relationship. You are not close yet enough to be included in the day to day with him. He didn't want to see anyone and you came anyways and then had a problem when he didn't feel social. What did you expect? I was long distance ith a guy for a little while and we both felt we had to be in vacation mode when we were with eachother and when we had to deal with stuff that was too mundane and couldm't clear our schedules, we didn't want the other to visit at that point. Just give him SPACE> And decide if this type of relationship is for you or not. But he was clear about what he needed.