I don't know if I should even make an effort

[Amp33]

I have a friend that I've known for nine years. We were really close in high school, best friends senior year. But after high school I moved to a different city to get a fresh start. I think she felt a little left behind. One day I randomly noticed that she had deleted me off of Facebook, and there wasn't an option to message her. So I messaged her boyfriend, who was also one of my very good friends. I asked him what was going on and why she deleted me. I got several explanations:

 

1) she thought I was a bad friend because she paid for a bunch of stuff throughout high school and I never paid for anything. (Not completely true.)

 

2) she felt like when I asked her if I could crash at her place with my boyfriend, when we came to town, like it was me just using her. (Hello friends do that for each other!)

 

3) she couldn't stand being friends with someone who was only living with her boyfriend because she had nowhere else to go. (Bull, we wanted to live together. Plus she didn't know even as much as my boyfriends name because she never bothered replying to my texts.)

 

And 4) she claimed I never ever tried to keep contact... Where in fact I was always the one trying and I got sick of her never making an effort.

 

So that being said, we haven't spoken in months because apparently I'm an awful person. She is a very very spoiled only child and you can definitely see that in her personality. Though when she's being sincere she is a great friend.

 

She just recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years(my good friend) and I really feel sorry for them about it. I'm not a person to hold silly pointless grudges, so I was thinking of sending her a message explaining that even though we've had our differences, I will always be there for her.

 

Do you think it's even worth it? I just don't know if I want to go the rest of my life thinking I didn't make an effort, regardless of whether or not it fixes our friendship.

[mhowe]

I don't think you should bother. You haven't been in touch and I think you want to "show" her that you aren't as bad a friend as she claims you were. She is entitled to her.opinion...and once.a friendship dies it can rarely be resurrected.

[LC8328]

#3 says it all... that "she couldn't stand being friends with someone who was..." It doesn't matter what the rest of this quote is. This alone means that her friendship with you was conditional. Meaning that you have to meet certain 'requirements' to be her friend. Who wants a friend like that? Who wants to feel like they're walking on eggshells just to please a drama queen?

 

And that's what she seems to be - a drama queen. If these accusations really are not true, then she truly is a drama queen. If they're a little bit true, then SHE is the bad friend, because she should have talked to you about any issues she had with you instead of deleting you and letting her boyfriend do the explaining. Just goes to show how immature she is.

 

It is nice of you to want to send her a kind note, but just keep in mind that if you do this, you're opening the door to this toxic friendship all over again. You deserve better.

[Amp33]

 

....you're opening the door to this toxic friendship all over again....

 

 

 

Yes. You're so right. It was a very toxic friendship, always walking on eggshells. Thank you for reminding me. It's best I move on with my life and keep friends that actually want to be there.