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Should I just drop this friendship?


greta96

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I've been friends with a girl for 6-7 months now, we are mostly going out friends and met on a meetup site. We are both busy through the week, so we only met on weekends.

 

This weekend she wanted to go out, and she wanted to make solid plans. We had even set up a time to meet. The day of, I sent her a text to ask if she was still good for that time, and she said she didn't think she was going, as she was feeling lazy and because she had read it was going to start snowing by the time we would have gone home! I hadn't planned anything else for the night, because I knew I had solid plans with her, so I had to stay home - weekend ruined.

 

Now a month back, on her birthday, I had to drive for an hour to a place I totally hated, in a snow storm/blizzard, and because she had someone to drive her, she didn't even consider saying "that's ok, let's postpone meeting up until the weather gets better", even though she knew I was scared to drive in zero visibility weather. So still, I made the effort and went, in order not to disappoint her, even though I would have given anything just to stay home.

 

Am I right to be upset about this? I will most definitely not make any effort for her from now on, if I don't feel like going somewhere she wants to, I'll just follow her lead and say I don't feel like it, but I wonder whether I should distance myself from this person as well? I've been in "friendships" where I was giving my everything and they gave zilch, and I don't want to be in another one like that.

 

Thoughts?

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Well, things do happen and plans change... Sometimes people are not always up for company either. As long as she doesn't do this to you every week, if she's a friend you should cut her some slack now and again.

 

re: you driving in the snow to see her, you should have been more realistic and protected your safety and just told her you couldn't come rather than going. That wasn't too wise and friendship doesn't require that you kill yourself in order to not change plans. I certainly wouldn't be angry if someone postponed in a snowstorm, and you need to toughen up a bit and think of yourself in situations like that and just tell her no.

 

Don't keep score in friendships or they become strained as in, 'i drove in a snowstorm for you how dare you ask for a rain check!' The two events are not really related, but you are making that link in your mind that she 'owes' it to you because you did something dangerous that you shouldn't have done to begin with.

 

So no, you're not right to be upset if she cancels ONE event becaus she's not up for it. If she cancels repeatedly and is flakey all the time, then you should consider dumping her as a friend, but otherwise you need to accept that sometimes plans change and you need to cut your friends a little slack. If her cancellations are repeated, then you can drop her.

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If you're having the same gut feeling as you've had in the past with similar situations, then I would suggest that you just ease up on the friendship.

 

She seems a bit on the selfish side, but in the future, if you don't feel like doing something and the weather is that bad, dont' put yourself in danger.

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She's probably a bit of a "me only" type person. These are not people you can depend on nor should you make a major effort on their behalf. Meet up when it's convenient to you, have other things planned anyways and just understand she will flake on you any time she decides something might be too much of a bother. Also that she might well get very offended if you do that to her, but again don't get upset. Just shrug and tell her it's the kind of friendship where neither of you owes the other and that's that. Also if she does this again then stop making an effort altogether and do the slow fade of "I'm busy" if she contacts you. Chances are she won't, because she's a bit selfish and just expects others to do things for her, not the other way around.

 

And personally I would've stayed home for the blizzard unless it were a very, very close friend who'd already proven their worth. There's just no sense in it otherwise unless it's something you really, really want to do anyways and it's for your benefit.

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I would probably end the friendship because she's not the "Am I My Brothers Keeper" type of person.

 

She sounds as if she's the type of person and only thinks about herself.

 

BTW, what does it matter because there's plenty more people in this world that the you can hang out with.

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