Meeting up with Ex

[lonelyguy12]

I have posted so many times on this forum and others about my breakup and it has helped tremendously. I am really hoping this just about the end of that. You can read my other posts to get abit of a back story. Long story short I am meeting my ex on Friday night to discuss possibly getting back together. I am scared though. Really worried that my ex wont meet me or show up and shoot me down again. I feel like this shouldnt be on my mind but it is. We started texting on sunday night when I reached out to her to congratulate her on her graduation. She was nice at first saying she missed me and she thought about us being together again. But of late she is getting cold. Today she didnt text me at all and I had to reach out to her which was nothing like our relationship. Maybe I am trying to hard to make this work? She broke up with me...so she should be the one chasing if we are to reconcile i feel like. Does anybody have experience with this?

 

I want to give 100% to our relationship if we decide to try again. But, it is tough for me to feel like she keeps changing her mind. I wish she would figure things out and fully commit or do nothing at all and just leave me be.

[appies]

Just let it happen naturally, you can't force it she has to be on board as well

[lonelyguy12]

Yea I know she has to be on board. So I am being very careful. It just is tough. Shes the one that brought up meeting but then sometimes it seems like she doesnt even care enough to talk to me. It is so confusing.

[lady00]

Has she expressed interest in getting back together?

[Shane Falco]

Yeah, you need to relax and let her initiate some conversation. I mean, you texted Sunday and you are going to spill your guts on Friday? This seems like you are jumping the gun quite a bit. Maybe she's cold because she feels like you are going to put on a full-court press to get back together. I wouldn't initiate anything else -- let her take the lead. I think you are too emotionally invested in this right now and I feel like this could be disastrous for you.

 

This seems really forced.

[doicare]

I agree with the other posters, take it easy, don't spill your guts, see what she has to say. She knows you love her, so no need to reassure her of this.The more you pursue, the more you push her away. You have your "date" set up for Friday, no need to get constant reassurance you will be meeting. Take it easy, and act unaffected, it's up to her to chase a little now. Don't screw this up by getting needy.

 

Come here, and ask for advice if you need.

[lonelyguy12]

Yea she was the one that brought up hanging out. She also called me babe the other night out of nowhere...her nickname for me when we dated. I asked her why and she said she has thought about us getting back togethor again. So I told her we should discuss everything on Friday.

 

I am going to try letting her initiate today. But I am really worried that she wont.

[doicare]

Yea she was the one that brought up hanging out. She also called me babe the other night out of nowhere...her nickname for me when we dated. I asked her why and she said she has thought about us getting back togethor again. So I told her we should discuss everything on Friday.

 

I am going to try letting her initiate today. But I am really worried that she wont.

 

Dude chill out, you're acting insecure, stop asking questions to your ex. You shouldnt care what she thinks, and as soon as you show that you do, you're toast. The way you're coming accross is seemingly needy and emotional, and that attitude will not get your ex back. Get your head straight.

[SooSad33]

I don't think, just because she 'didn't text you' means much. Does she need to?

Why dont you see if she reaches out on her own?

 

IF she keeps changing her mind- back off. You can't make someone do this. If she isn't as interested, that tells you a lot right there. Then don't put anymore effort into this. She has to as well.

(Ex- your last line in last paragraph- re: fully commit or leave me be).

 

If she isn't showing enuff interest, then don't answer to her. that's your choice there. Then leave her be.

[lonelyguy12]

Alright thanks. I know I am forcing it. I need to chill out I guess. If she is serious she will text me today. She said she would last night. So i guess i have nothing to worry about. How should I act on Friday when we meet. Any tips there?

[GinNJuice]

You should be talking to other girls, and not focusing on her. Don't be seem so eager, and don't accept any "dating but not together" bs from her either. Tell her straight up, we're in a relationship, or don't talk to me anymore.

[sharky988]

You should be talking to other girls, and not focusing on her. Don't be seem so eager, and don't accept any "dating but not together" bs from her either. Tell her straight up, we're in a relationship, or don't talk to me anymore.

 

I agree.

 

Also, it's a HUGE red flag that (a) YOU were the one to re-intiate contact and (b) she's getting colder over time, not more excited to be meeting up with you.

 

It's never a good thing when a Dumpee initiates contact. You should've left her alone to contact you. You shouldn't be initiating contact with her NOW, either -- make her be the one to initiate all future contact and if you don't hear from her again, so be it.

 

She's already giving you VERY mixed signals -- why would you think she wants to get back together when she wasn't the one who re-initiated contact in the first place?

 

I have posted so many times on this forum and others about my breakup and it has helped tremendously. I am really hoping this just about the end of that. You can read my other posts to get abit of a back story. Long story short I am meeting my ex on Friday night to discuss possibly getting back together. I am scared though. Really worried that my ex wont meet me or show up and shoot me down again. I feel like this shouldnt be on my mind but it is. We started texting on sunday night when I reached out to her to congratulate her on her graduation. She was nice at first saying she missed me and she thought about us being together again. But of late she is getting cold. Today she didnt text me at all and I had to reach out to her which was nothing like our relationship. Maybe I am trying to hard to make this work? She broke up with me...so she should be the one chasing if we are to reconcile i feel like. Does anybody have experience with this?

 

^^ You're correct that YES, you're trying too hard to make this work. SHE broke up with YOU.... so she should be the one chasing if you are to reconcile.

 

I DO have experience with this -- and as a Dumper I re-initiated contact and put my cards on the table right away. I didn't give any mixed signals whatsoever -- I was too afraid of losing my ex for good!

[doicare]

Alright thanks. I know I am forcing it. I need to chill out I guess. If she is serious she will text me today. She said she would last night. So i guess i have nothing to worry about. How should I act on Friday when we meet. Any tips there?

 

Yes, when it comes to relationship stuff, keep your mouth shut! Don't be a , either (as the others have said) you're in a relationship or not. Do not spare her feelings. If she's interested, then you need to not be overly eager to jump right into it. You need to be a challenge, and if you cry and act like a needy baby she will have ZERO respect for you.

 

Create a fun, easy going time, be the guy you were before all this, give her space, and don't have any expectations. If SHE asks tell her you'd be interested in trying again, BUT do not bring it up. Do not be friends with her, and if she says she doesnt know and wants to start by being friends, I say start walking - tell her you love her (without sounding like a baby) but you're just not interested in being friends and that you need your space right now to move on with your life. "Friends" is basically being her doormat.

 

I know you want her back, and are more flexible than playdough to make this work. But having that attitude is a surefire way to get rejected and fast. You need to grow a spine, and set your terms. If she cant meet them, then move on. Ultimately it will be the only way she will have respect for you. No woman wants to sleep with a man, who has no self respect and to be honest it sounds like your unknowingly exhibiting those text book behaviours.

 

Before you meet her, please take a lot of time and think about how you will come accross if you act like a spineless needy child as as opposed to a self respecting man.

 

Please understand, Im not trying to put you down. I sincerely wish you the best. Now go kick some ass.

[lonelyguy12]

Nah I know you guys aren't trying to put me down. Honestly I am acting like a . Dead on. I was planning to tell her that I love her too much to just be friends. I told her before that if we are going to get back it has to be 100% from both sides. I think she wants to get back together because she brought it up.... but yea the fact that she is acting cold scares me. Like I am wasting my time on this. I will say this...she usually cancels when we agree to hang out. If she follows through this time I will feel better. She hasnt given me any indication that she will cancel. Even told her sister we were hanging out and she was extremely happy about that because she likes me. So I am hoping...fingers crossed that it happens. I really feel like once we see each other she will open up. I am not trying to be a jerk to her. I really do care about her. And I want her to be happy

[snappy5]

She should be the one coming back to you and showing you she's serious about your relationship this time. She'll always have the trump card if you reconcile with her under your initiation or coercion.

[lonelyguy12]

Yea I know. Honestly I didnt even bring it up when I texted her. She did. But, I had it in the back of my mind for sure. Not gonna lie.

[lonelyguy12]

So need your help again. She didnt text me at all yesterday. No idea when she wants me to pick her up tonight. Should I text her? Or just wait? Really feel like ths isnt going to happen now.

[sharky988]

So need your help again. She didnt text me at all yesterday. No idea when she wants me to pick her up tonight. Should I text her? Or just wait? Really feel like ths isnt going to happen now.

 

Stop texting her.

 

Stop initiating contact.

 

IF she wants to get back together with you, she'll stay in touch with you. If you continue to push and chase -- you're only making yourself look bad.

[Monkey ai]

yes- just send her short text to confirm dinner. Be adult, you have nothing to lose, no expectation, your mind set, I almost think you should not see her, you are too weak now...

 

“Hi, how are you? Just want to check if we are still on tonight, when I should pick you up? If not, we can find other time, best!”

[sharky988]

yes- just send her short text to confirm dinner. Be adult, you have nothing to lose, no expectation, your mind set, I almost think you should not see her, you are too weak now...

 

“Hi, how are you? Just want to check if we are still on tonight, when I should pick you up? If not, we can find other time, best!”

 

Chasing after someone who's broken up with you and isn't staying in communication is NOT being "adult".

 

It's being desperate.

 

Respect yourself enough not to chase after someone who isn't doing her share to make this meetup happen.

[lonelyguy12]

Chasing after someone who's broken up with you and isn't staying in communication is NOT being "adult".

 

It's being desperate.

 

Respect yourself enough not to chase after someone who isn't doing her share to make this meetup happen.

 

So I should just forget we were ever supposed to hang out? Im not trying to chase her, I just want to know if we are going to meet.

[sharky988]

So I should just forget we were ever supposed to hang out? Im not trying to chase her, I just want to know if we are going to meet.

 

Yes, if she doesn't contact you about it, that's her way to telling you she'd rather not meet up.

 

Remember -- YOU initiated contact with her, not the other way around. The only way you have of knowing how interested she actually is in seeing you again is to step back and see if she does anything to make it happen.

[young]

just be chill. whatever she says to you should not make or break your day. if you don't know how you should act, then i don't think you're ready. being your cool natural self will only come when you're not thinking about getting back together. on friday just have no expectations. i would just have a good time with her, like it's the first date with a new person completely. if this is hard to do, then maybe you're not ready. i scheduled a couple meetups with my ex after she dumped me. she was ready to get back together but i was still mourning and came accross too desperate, which just pushed her away further. so just be careful, make sure you're heads right before you do this. and there's no shame in telling her you need to raincheck. if you're not ready then you're not ready, she'll be there when you are.

[sharky988]

It's not a first date with a new person -- it's you, trying to get back with your ex.

 

Telling yourself it's a "fresh start" doesn't make it so. Pretending to be "cool and laid back" isn't going to fool her because your ACTIONS are desperate, no matter how cool you try to play it.

 

You're already in a step-down position with her because you're trying to see her again despite the fact that she's broken up with you and NOT re-initiated contact!

[Monkey ai]

Chasing after someone who's broken up with you and isn't staying in communication is NOT being "adult".

 

It's being desperate.

 

Respect yourself enough not to chase after someone who isn't doing her share to make this meetup happen.

 

It is about right mindset, not chasing ex! I do not see the chasing part here, she want to meet OP, and then she is not sure after, been adult is about take your words seriously, just to check if the appointment is on, when you in BU relationship, they are a lot of lost translation and emotions…

 

the problem is not about follow up or not, it is about I do not see OP in the right mind set to meet her, he has too much expectation, that is going to hurt him to get back with her. Simply I do not see OP is ready to meet her…