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Meeting up with Ex

lonelyguy12

By lonelyguy12
in Getting Back Together

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sharky988 Contributor

sharky988

Posted
Posted
It is about right mindset, not chasing ex! I do not see the chasing part here, she want to meet OP, and then she is not sure after, been adult is about take your words seriously, just to check if the appointment is on, when you in BU relationship, they are a lot of lost translation and emotions…

 

the problem is not about follow up or not, it is about I do not see OP in the right mind set to meet her, he has too much expectation, that is going to hurt him to get back with her. Simply I do not see OP is ready to meet her…

 

His mindset doesn't matter -- what matters is that his ex broke up with him!!

 

Has she contacted him to say she's changed her mind? No.

 

Has she even contacted him to firm up their plans to meet up? No, not yet.

 

Unless and until she contacts him to say she's changed her mind..... everything he does in terms of contacting her, trying to confirm dates, trying to have talks, etc etc is chasing someone who's broken up with him!

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sharky988 Contributor

sharky988

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I do have a lot of expectation because she builds it up. She said a couple times that she was thinking about getting back togethor. Honestly I just want to see her so we can talk. Even if we dont get back I have a lot to say to her

 

You're seeing what you want to see -- you're not looking at her behavior objectively.

 

If she WANTED to be getting back together with you, she would be. You wouldn't have to do a thing. By chasing her, you're only making that less likely to happen.

 

IF she doesn't contact you about getting together tonight, take it for what it is -- an indication that she's not really interested at this point.

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Shane Falco Rookie

Shane Falco

Posted
Posted
It is about right mindset, not chasing ex! I do not see the chasing part here, she want to meet OP, and then she is not sure after, been adult is about take your words seriously, just to check if the appointment is on, when you in BU relationship, they are a lot of lost translation and emotions…

 

the problem is not about follow up or not, it is about I do not see OP in the right mind set to meet her, he has too much expectation, that is going to hurt him to get back with her. Simply I do not see OP is ready to meet her…

 

He contacted her first and he has initiated pretty much all of the contact between them since. That's the definition of chasing. He needs to back off and let her come to him if she chooses.

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Shane Falco Rookie

Shane Falco

Posted
Posted
I do have a lot of expectation because she builds it up. She said a couple times that she was thinking about getting back togethor. Honestly I just want to see her so we can talk. Even if we dont get back I have a lot to say to her

 

This has 36-car pile-up written all over it. Thinking about getting together isn't good enough -- unless she says unequivocally that she wants do, it's just white noise. She said that, sensed how excited you were about it, and now has gone cold. That's a hell of a lot more telling than her saying that she's "thinking" about it.

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lonelyguy12 Apprentice

lonelyguy12

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Just deleted her number out of my phone and blocked her on instagram and twitter. Its time to move on. She needs to respect me enough to at least let me know she doesnt want to meet. If she texted me and said she wasnt ready I wouldnt mind. But to not even think to text me really makes me mad. Its like you guys said before and I should have listened...if she doesnt make an attempt to get me back then I just need to leave her be.

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doicare Explorer

doicare

Posted
Posted
Yea I know where we stand now. All I wanted was respect from her after everything I gave but I guess I was asking for too much. Really sucks. But I need to forget about her now. Been dwelling on it for too long. Guess I needed this to happen one last time to finally realize it.

 

Sorry man, I know it hurts. Obviously you were holding out, hoping for her to come around. This was written all over the walls though, however emotion often clouds judgement and you chased. That said, at least you have your answers. And good for you for deleting her number etc.

 

Good luck in your recovery, like all of us here

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lonelyguy12 Apprentice

lonelyguy12

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It really was written on the walls. And deep down I knew it was coming. I'm just tired of being hurt all the time. If she doesn't want to be with me she shouldn't lead me along and leave breadcrumbs.

 

Thanks to everybody who helped me...even if I don't listen half the time. Really helps me get through everything. Tough days ahead for sure. But the further I get away from it all the better I will be and I know that.

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Shane Falco Rookie

Shane Falco

Posted
Posted
It really was written on the walls. And deep down I knew it was coming. I'm just tired of being hurt all the time. If she doesn't want to be with me she shouldn't lead me along and leave breadcrumbs.

 

Thanks to everybody who helped me...even if I don't listen half the time. Really helps me get through everything. Tough days ahead for sure. But the further I get away from it all the better I will be and I know that.

 

I hate to quibble with you, but the only reason she "led you on" was because you were the one who initiated contact and started chasing her in the first place. If she had come up with it on her own it would be been more genuine, but I'm guessing she never would have told you crap if you didn't contact her.

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doicare Explorer

doicare

Posted
Posted
It really was written on the walls. And deep down I knew it was coming. I'm just tired of being hurt all the time. If she doesn't want to be with me she shouldn't lead me along and leave breadcrumbs.

 

Thanks to everybody who helped me...even if I don't listen half the time. Really helps me get through everything. Tough days ahead for sure. But the further I get away from it all the better I will be and I know that.

 

I lost the love of my life 9 years ago. I was devastated. My friend (was a new friend at the time) said to me "you have to see this as an opportunity to learn." It's very true, also it's an opportunity to start a new life man, this should be exciting. There may be some pain, but you will come out stronger, just focus on the things that add to your life, good friends, fitness, activities and good times!

 

What you dwell on, you dwell in

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lonelyguy12 Apprentice

lonelyguy12

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Definitely listen now and stay no contact!

 

I plan to! She showed me a lot about the kind of person she is. Maybe I was the one giving her too many chances. She has canceled on me about 5-6 times since we broke up and I kept coming back for more hoping she changed. But she is still just as self centered as she always was. I would never put her through what she has done to me. I care about and love her too much to do that. But, I guess she doesn't feel the same way.

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