i need help.

[slw1]

I have been broken up with my girlfriend now for 6 months , but today I feel worse than ever. I didnt sleeep last night and kept crying. When she broke up with me she told me that she really cared about me and would like to be with me in a couple of years if she was still single. She came back after two weeks , then broke up with me again. Then we started to hang out as friends , but it had to end because she was giving me mixed signals(telling me what she liked about me, touching, hugging..)but not interesetd in being my girlfriend . I think she stopped calling because she didnt want to lead me on anymore.

 

After a few months of NC we were hanging out again, and again she is giving me mixed signals.When we hang out we have so much fun together, so I cant really figure her out. She gave me the ray of hope at the beginning and I am still hanging on to it , but I dont think she will ever come back.

 

She broke up with me because I was not happy with my life at the time( job, future), but things have changed and I am happy now.

 

I dont have any close friends . My dog was my best friend ,he died two weeks ago and she does not call me anymore.The first time in my life I am lonely.I want to be with her so bad it makes me feel sick at times. I have had other relationships but I have never been in love before. It confuses me why she could leave someone with whom she had everything in common with ,and had so much fun with.I dont think I will ever meet another woman like her and I dont think this pain will ever go away.Sometimes i wish i was dead just so this pain would go away.

[thunda]

Been down low before myself.I guess we all have at times. What I did was grin and bear it and get on with living my life. Doing things to forget about the relationship. If you're to have any chance of getting this girl then one thing to do is don't let her know you need her. Coming on desperate and needy is a big turnoff. Even the person I am most attracted to in this world would put me off if they were acting like a lost puppy towards me. Not saying that's what your'e doing just giving you an example. Do your best to enjoy life and go out and meet people. Get involved in something just so's you're not thinking about her all the time. It's YOUR life to live not hers. Live it for yourself mate,and who knows this might even switch her on,but do it for YOU.

[sweetie_33]

hey , ur feeling is exactly like me, im soo inlove with my x and i had a hope that he'll come back, but nothing happened... i think u should move on, try finding someone else, finds friends u need them... i think if she really loves u, she wont do this to u... move on sweety and stop thinking about her... go out, have fun this will help u a lot=)

 

 

 

 

Sweetie

[Strandysmommy]

Certainly stop hanging around her. I know it might be hard, but look what it's doing to you! It seems to me that she's playing a mind game with you; this is not ok by any means whatsoever. Do things with other people, your real friends. Meet new friends, get involved with something, you know, organizations where you'll meet new people. It is the best thing you can do.

[slw1]

I know it would probally be best to not see her, but its kinda hard. We participate in all the same hobbies and clubs, so I always see her there. She always talks to me and tells me everything about her life and I tell her whats going on in my life.She is always very friendly to me and I probally take this the wrong way.

[thunda]

Find some new hobbies and diferent places to hang out.

[slw1]

Esier said than done, we are part of acycling club. I have been with them for 10 years and her only 2. I also see her swimming a couple times a week at the only pool where I can swim. But, I do want to see her, but it is wrecking me.

[CarterJonas]

I can understand it is difficult to fully detach from her without giving up what you like, such as the cycling and swimming. I think that it is natural ti miss your ex., as I do sometimes and especially if she was your first true love.

 

If she has said she doesn't want a relationship at the moment then I am afraid there is nothing that you can do. At this difficult time you need to do things that will help you get your mind off her. This might mean getting new hobbies...and so on. Remember that you have the power to change yourself.

 

I can positively tell you that it does get a lot easier with time.

[slw1]

She told me she did not want a serious relationship, but her actions said differnt. She would hold my hand ,sit in my lap and rest her head on my shoulder. She said she did this becaise she was "comfortable" around me.A couple of months ago she was talking about skiing with me this winter , camping next year and a possible bike touring trip this winter too. she really confuses me.

[RayKay]

She told me she did not want a serious relationship, but her actions said differnt. She would hold my hand ,sit in my lap and rest her head on my shoulder. She said she did this becaise she was "comfortable" around me.A couple of months ago she was talking about skiing with me this winter , camping next year and a possible bike touring trip this winter too. she really confuses me.

 

Well, I personally don't think her actions show different. I think they show that she likes affection and to be cared about, and likes having someone who will be there and to plan things with. Yup, that's right...a friend.

 

Actions that would show she wanted a serious relationship with you would be:

 

1) She is in a serious relationship with you

2) She is going to counselling, or whatever, in order to sort out her issues to be in a serious relationship with you

 

Guess what, with one of my ex's, we plan trips together too to go on biking trips (we too are both into cycling and competition so see each other often), or camping. We hug each other and are friendly and caring towards one another. Heck, with regular friends I do that too. I am "comfortable" around them. And...none of us wants to be in a serious relationship with one another, and/or are dating other people even.

[slw1]

OK, bad wording on my part. I know these are not signs of wanting a serious relationship,but this is not normal "just friends "behaviour with someone you just broke up with a month ago, and who she knows wants her back . She was being affectionate and it confused me,as I think it would most people.

[CarterJonas]

I can understand where you are coming from; it would leave me confused as well. She sounds confused to me as well as you. I think her actions speak of affection..etc but she only speaks of friendship. Give her space to work out what she wants.

[RayKay]

I know these are not signs of wanting a serious relationship,but this is not normal "just friends "behaviour with someone you just broke up with a month ago, and who she knows wants her back . She was being affectionate and it confused me,as I think it would most people.

 

Of course it is confusing, but lots of people do it after they break up...if you are together a long time, it is hard to separate yourself sometimes. I have ex's do the same stuff to me as well when they know I am hurting too! We get used to being that way with someone, when we break up the transition can be hard, more so if you are staying friends. I have broken up with people (dumper or dumpee) and we were still affectionate a month, two months, three months after the breakup..it does make it harder and more confusing, but does not mean a reuniting is going to happen. It does not mean she wants anything more..I accept she is confused as she likely does love you, but she is still choosing NOT to be with you.

 

Stay in contact with her if you wish, but lower your expectations and if you start to overanalyze everything, take a step back.

[FleX]

You need to get a life. Go out and take some cooking classes or yoga. Meet people all types of people men and women alike. Get some friends. Embrace all type of women weather they be big fat tall cute ugly. Once you get your social life in check she'll come around. Question is do you still want the same problems as before...

 

There is plenty of fish in the sea. We're all afraid of starting over because of the loneliness but u know that love is war. You have to go out there and conquer it. There will be girls that will appreciate who you are. As for your ex she's obviously pulling your string because she knows she can manipulate you time and time again. Don't be a loser. Be a winner and prove to yourself and take charge of your life. Stop dwindling in the past and look out for #1. You.

[sdw]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your story. The reason it's been hard for you to move on in 6 months is because you are still yearning for your ex and seeing her often. I am in a similar situation, we love each other but after going out for a year and half and living together for 5 months, just can't seem to get on and make each other happy.

 

When I see her we hug and she shows physical affection (e.g. squeezing my hand, stroking my arm etc.) it's easy to confuse actions and words but if she wanted to be with me then she would be, but she doesn't. It isn't what other female friends do, but i wouldn't get hung up about it.

 

It's very hard to accept and like you I find it hard to cut off all contact with her. My advice is to be the strongest man you can be and act around her like you are moving on and yeah, you care about her, but you have accepted that you and her were not meant to be. Wish her well, let it go encourage her and BE STRONG!. It's sad, but these things happen - show her you are a strong independent person and take the mental step of thinking that you broke up with her and you are trying to be her friend. Very hard, but that's the way it seems to go, I guess the relationship wasn't perfect before you split up and so you could have actually ended things and in a way you agreed to. She will hurt too but a lot of people just don't show it.

 

good luck,

Steve.

[Mentor]

Hi slw1,

 

This is probably not what you want to hear, but I think that no contact is the best thing for your situation. This will mean finding a new cycling club, taking up other activities, etc. Seeing her as much as you do is holding you back. She is (probably unconsciously) manipulating and using you. You are comfortable to her. By giving each other space not only will you help yourself heal, but you will also drive home to her just what she has lost in you. It sounds like she really cares, and there is a good chance that she may come back to you, but right now you are making it too easy for her to move on. Keep this up and one day she will tell you about her new bf, and rip your heart out again.

 

That really sucks about your dog Why is it that these things always happen in bunches?!? Do you think that you could treat yourself to a new puppy soon? There are many, many wonderful pets looking for a loving owner

[Strandysmommy]

I agree with what was said about being around her; it's a recipie for big time hurt. One day she's going to meet someone, you cannot avoid it. But here's the other thing: being around her, having her flirting and being all coy with you...what message does that send to some other girl who might be interested in you? And for you...seeing her so much, or allowing yourself to be her comfortable (pardon the word) TOY, that is keeping you from meeting someone! I mean you keep seeing her, interacting with her, and it's like picking a scab off a scrape. Keep doing it and it won't heal, it could even become infected. I'm sorry about the toy remark, I know it sounds hard, but I have known girls like this, and they sicken me. They need to have some guy around to flirt with so they feel sexy and hot. Don't let her walk on you like that.

[FleX]

I agree... some women do it unintentionally... they keep all their ex's around and feed them false hope. It's like your a backup. Nobody wants to be downgraded. Unfortunately women don't see it that way because it's pre-programmed in their head so they think it's natural.

[slw1]

just want to thank everybody for replying , I feel better today--

[Milly2005]

You know i can almost say that I can relate to the girl here. I mean I just broke up with someone and all I want to do is be around them. It is such a burning need. I miss him so much (as much as he misses me probably). Yet when think of us getting together I am pretty sure it would be wrong. I don't toy with him, I try not to see him. But here is the thing: she might just be confused. Call her on it. If you know why you broke up ask how those reasons have changed and if there is any chance of a future. If not, tell her she needs to separate and heal so that you can.

 

What is her relationship w/ her father like, and family? Maybe she is trying to get out of you what she doesnt have from a family. You are there and so supportive and adoring, and everyone needs that, but you need to clarify if she wants you in that capacity (which would be platonic support) or if she wants a bf. If you can handle being there for her w/out being her bf, great, but don't be afraid of telling her she needs to get that elsewhere. You have to be healthy and heal too. Beware: if she says she wants a platonic relationship and wants support and you want to be there as a friend... just be careful that you dont ever let it go further. I think I got into my situation because I needed this guy around for comfort and knew he wanted me as a girlfriend so I kind of "sold" myself there because I needed him so.

 

Just some advice from a girl whose on the flip side. It hurts on both sides.

[Mentor]

Just some advice from a girl whose on the flip side. It hurts on both sides.

 

I think that therre are a lot of people here who needed to hear this.

 

 

[GreatGuy]

Well. everything has been said to you my friend. You have no more excuses. And you've been warned. Try this :

 

1. Close your eyes

2. Imagine everything around you disappearing and fading away

3. I mean Everything and Everyone

4. Now look aroung you(your eyes closed),stop all the multiple voices in your head

5. Feel the emptiness...the calmness...the void...the blackness....

almost as if it is night time and you're floating above water...you could almost touch the water with the point of your toe.

6. Stay in that place and Breath ten times, with each breath hold it and let it release(Inhale & hold, exhale & hold)

7. As you do that become aware of your body, of the being that is within your forehead, and gently asks that entity "who are you?"

8. As you start to appreciate the Greatness of that entity, and the fact that it has never left you....try being grateful and stop punishing it with negative thoughts.

9. As you come back to "earth" so to speak, try and keep that Serenity with you ....ANd Smile: You are that Entity, beautiful, and about to do some amazing things in this world!!

You are beautiful.

 

ps: notice how for a second you didn't think about her???