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What should I say now? Don't want to mess up!


Abc90

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I totally messed things up with the first guy I had ever dated. (Last summer) I was emotional, inexperienced, and going through a family tragedy. He gave me chances and I genuinely think he liked me...he just wasn't ready for a relationship...I totally pushed him away.

 

I apologized to him and he didn't reply for a long time. About 2 months ago he accepted my apology and said we were ok. I didn't really contact him too much after that. I called him last night, about 1 1/2 after he accepted the apology just to say hi. This morning he responded! And sent this text...

 

"What's up? I seen you called last night, I was sleep... I had a long day. How goes it?"

 

What do I say now? How do I keep this going? Should I bring up the past? I want him to see I'm not the same. I cannot screw this up again so i wanted to come here first!!

 

We live states away so I know he isn't trying to get sex or use me...I would like to just keep talking to him and see where it goes.

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Yes, why did you call him? That seems strange. Also you will sound desperate if you bring up the past immediately. I've had a couple of AWKWARD endings with guys before and my best advice is to NEVER bring up the past until you rebuild some of what you had. This guy may not even care anymore, and bringing it up just allows those memories to come back. If you guys ever get in a relationship again, then that will be the time to discuss the past.

 

Just say you were thinking of him and catch up. Ask him about his life, share details of your life and treat it as a friendship right now.

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Why did you call him?

And if he lives states away, this isn't going to become round #2 of the relationship.

 

I am confused as to why you would call him so late? Were you drinking?

 

No it wasn't late...it was at 9. It was probably foolish for me to call him I know. But I did, and he replied. I wasn't really sure where to put this question...because I am fine with just being his friend. He was a good friend to me, better than most friends I've ever had...and I had always felt so bad about what happened.

 

I plan on moving back to Atlanta (where he lives)...Kansas is not working out for me lol....but honestly being friends is fine. I am not going to take it anywhere romantic unless he wants to.

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Yes, why did you call him? That seems strange. Also you will sound desperate if you bring up the past immediately. I've had a couple of AWKWARD endings with guys before and my best advice is to NEVER bring up the past until you rebuild some of what you had. This guy may not even care anymore, and bringing it up just allows those memories to come back. If you guys ever get in a relationship again, then that will be the time to discuss the past.

 

Just say you were thinking of him and catch up. Ask him about his life, share details of your life and treat it as a friendship right now.

 

That is what I did. I didn't mention the past just talked briefly about now and asked him questions about how he was. He seemed genuinely interested/participatory. I wont contact him for a while and give him his space.

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I think you should stop re-initiating contact with these men who already decided they did not want to continue dating you. I know it might seem easier than meeting someone new, but you really just keep setting yourself up for a huge fall.

 

I agree with you. I never should've contacted the last guy. Really stupid on my part because he was never really a good person to me.

 

This guy was genuinely my friend...better than most friends I've ever had and I ruined that friendship with my craziness/inexperience. I should've realized that's what we were meant to be. I guess I put this in the wrong section...but I guess I wanted to not ruin the possible option of dating also. But even if we don't date...I'm perfectly ok with just being friends and enjoying his company.

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