Demanding Girlfriend

[caseypayne69]

Ok im new at this site so i'll give yall some brief history.......

 

I meet her Jan 12th were my Jeep blew an engine were she worked and well I talked to her and asked for her number but didnt get it till i left. Were still dating today and it's the longest relationship she says she's ever been in. She's a Preachers daughter and has TONS of morals and is a very emotional girl.

 

Well Lately I've noticed im always having to say im sorry for this and that. Some times it seams like im saying i'm sorry for being me. I can't talk on my cell with her while playing video games, she says im not giving her full attention. rightfully so its no reason to get mad at me and upset. She thinks i put games before her. 1 night ago i was playing socom 2 online and this was after coming home from her house were i stayed for say 5 hours. While i was their we watched movies with her Nephew and I wrested with him (3 yr old) and bumped his head. Kinda hurt him, half my fault, not 2 mins later he put his hand in the closet door to get it smashed. I was told by my girl how his life is more important then her's and mine both. Which is great but not exactly words i wanna hear. anyway we talk it over and she said that made her mad that i need to pay more attention to him and I said fine ill just not play with him. but later took that back. Also that night she was talkin and i was wiggling on the floor like her nephew was but that made her made and she thought i wasnt paying attention to her conversation. I said," oh im sorry i cant wiggle and comprehend what ur saying at the same time let me sit still." Which only made her angry. Well we made up and i left and told her i'd call her when i got home to make sure i got home safe. 30 min drive....

I called her and as i was talkin i turned on socom 2 and played online with my buds while talkin to her. Remember I didnt exactly have the funniest night and she starts talkin about this love story she's watching and well im not Entirely intersted so i just let her go on. And finally she says, im being a jerk but not that word i just forgot the exact word, And said she was gonna let me go so i could play, I said OK. We havent talked in 2 days. hmm....? I call and leave messages but im not kissin her butt on saying im sorry so what to do?

[arwen]

Well, I understand that if you call her and play a game at the same time, it can come accross as you not being interested. Guys are not famous for being able to do two things at the same time. I find it hurtful too when I have the feeling someone is doing other things at the same time in 'our' time.

 

I think for her this has been a feeling that has been building up over time. Women work like that. The moment you do it again, they remember all the times it happened before and they will take it even more serious. This leads to the petty fights like when you were walking like her nephew and talking to her at the same time. She wouldn't have mind if the feeling of not paying attention to her hadn't already built up in the past.

 

You don't have to apologize for this particular incident. I understand that you feel she is demanding. It's not her fault only, it's the interaction here that has led to a vicious circle.

 

You should call her and have a serious and honest talk about the relationship. And don't switch a game on when you call her. I know I wouldn't like that. As a girl, I can tell you that we can get a bit insecure when a guy stops pursuing us and gets too relaxed. It feels like we are taken for granted.

 

Ilse.

[Virulent]

And finally she says, im being a jerk but not that word i just forgot the exact word

 

LOL

 

"yeah she was yelling at me for not paying attention to her or somthing, i forget i wasnt paying to much attention."

 

maybe you should try ot pay a little more attention to her or atleast make it seem like you are. but hey she sounds kinda annoying to me..

[Day_Walker]

It sounds like its a combination of things. She seems that she wants more of ur attention than you are willing to give and you dont want to give up doing other things just to talk to her. Naturally you two are going to but heads. What needs to happen is that you two need to discuss this and come to some sort of agreement that allows both of you to be happy. If an agreement cant be reached then each one of you will just keep acting selfishly and the relatioship is doomed.

[caseypayne69]

hmm i havent talked to her in 2 days. or since Sunday night. I leave nice voice messages too. Comments like, " hey i guess ur at work or busy, just wanted to tell ya I just got home from college etc and ill call ya later."

 

She told me once in the past that she ast put or puts her hobby's aside fore me, almost completely. I told her that's un-healthy and some away time from each other is healthy. I love cars and video games so i tend to talk about them to much around her and she'll say," OK enough talk about cars lets talk about something else." and then theirs silence. Don't get me wrong she plays Socom 2 online with me now, but for the past month hasn't. She would rather talk to me on the phone and excepts me to drop what thing im doin when she calls and that bothers me. If every guy did that playing online. IT would cause of wave of people loggin off and on lol. My solution is to turn of or not answer the phone while playing. Good idea?

[caseypayne69]

Since she's not answering her phone so i sent her an email to this link. link removed

 

She responds by saying......Well my question is what advice would be given if he also had the same passion for games, and when does the same apply for her? Is he going to hand her toe nail polish and smile while she's doing her nails, probably not. So why should women bend over and take whatever crap there man hands them?

 

 

Hmm how am I to reply. When the she is doin stuff perhaps i can join in and help her? is that a lame comment from me?

[OceanEyes]

This topic really reminds me of how my boyfriend used to be when we were in an long-distance relationship. When he would call, he would usually be preoccupied with work or something having to do with school. I'll tell ya something: it nearly broke us up once. I was not asking him to "drop everything" for me, but I did expect enough respect that he would stop what he was doing, just for that phone-call (which usually didn't last long anyhow).

 

Do you kind of see where I'm going with this? She doesn't expect you to drop everything that you like, all of your interests and your "me time" altogether. But, when you talk on the phone to her, I'm sure that she just wants your attention for the duration of the phone call. If you're really into something, whether it's a game or whatever, just don't answer the phone. Call her back when you are less preoccupied.

 

You seem to feel like she is trying to control you. I really don't think that's the case judging by what you've said here, but men and women think differently (hence, your confusion and frustration). I can promise you that when she gets upset over these "little things" like playing video games while she's on the other end of the phone, she's really just frustrated that you seem to be choosing a game over her. And like Ilse says, she will remember every other time you've done it, and feel like you don't care enough to listen. It sounds like, by how she is dodging your phone calls, that she feels disrespected and uncomfortable talking to you because of how you will react.

 

The whole situation about the young kid was just silly. To say that his life is more important than yours or hers is even sillier. She was obviously frustrated with you about something else. Kids are so over-rated, aren't they? (just kidding)

 

I really believe that if, when you see her next, you really listen to her and try to understand where she's coming from, she will be more receptive. And, when she trusts that you're really there for her completely, she will be more understanding of your need to have your own time. But if you are going to go into this with the attitude, "well, I don't ask her to drop everything for me, yadda yadda" (general complacency), then you're going to get nowhere with her. It's not about you vs. her, and I'm sure if you just respect and listen to each other, you can find some common ground.

[tea]

Asking you to not do other things when you're on the phone isn't demanding at all. That's basic courtesy you should give ANYONE you're on the phone with.

 

... if you think that's demanding.. .does that mean you've been disrespecting people on the phone all your life?

 

Just don't pick up the phone when you're busy and call her back later, or pick up the phone and log off for a bit.

[OceanEyes]

Asking you to not do other things when you're on the phone isn't demanding at all. That's basic courtesy you should give ANYONE you're on the phone with.

 

Well, it depends. When my boyfriend is at work, he will sometimes call me 5 or 6 times in a 6-8 hour period. After the first couple of calls, I seriously consider just not answering the phone. What the heck is so important that I would have to talk to him that many times?

 

So I guess what I am trying to say here, is that if your girlfriend is calling you an obscene amount of times in a day - and - it doesn't matter if it's twice or 10 times - if you find that you are getting harassed and that it's making you feel like you have no time for yourself, you have the right to speak up. We all have different needs in a relationship, but it's usually how we ask for our needs to be met that brings about arguments.

[RainaBabe]

I'm a female, but I actually see your side more than I do hers. She seems a bit clingy, and that comment about her nephew's life being worth more than hers and yours together is a bit weird for me. She got upset because you were wiggling around on the floor and then had to stop and listen to her? That would have had me laughing. She seems to get a bit too upset. And after spending five hours with you, why does she have to talk on the phone with you as well? Maybe just to make sure you got home safely, but I don't see the big deal with you playing a game. Sorry to the other females out there, but in this case I agree with the poster.

[RainaBabe]

Is he going to hand her toe nail polish and smile while she's doing her nails, probably not. So why should women bend over and take whatever crap there man hands them?

 

Oh, and my reply to this is no. If my boyfriend is doing something he enjoys but which I find boring, I do one of my OWN hobbies. Which is why no one person should ever be the center of your universe, and why you should have your own life.

[tea]

Well, oceaneyes, if someone called you and you happened to be busy so you can't immediately get off the phone that's understandable.

 

... but why was he playing video games when he initiated a call to her? Is it that hard to call her when he's not online or is he just that addicted that his character must always remain online and/or afk?