soulforge Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 hello people i could do with some advice i was with my ex girlfriend for 2 years... she was very good to me... i could talk to her about anything, i could always be myself around her... i trusted her fully & we both always looked out for each other. i never had much friends or family & niether did she, so we both looked out for each other... my ex had a few anger problems, due to the bad life she had in the past... men had always treated her badly! she had a very hard life & really needed me in her life... but here is the problem.... after about 1 year of dating, i lost my attraction for her... she just did not do it for me sexually i started to make excuses to avoid having sex with her & this caused alot of fighting & insecurities in her. i even started finding other woman more attractive & would fantasize about having sex with them. after 2 years together, we eventually broke up... it killed me to break up with her... she was my everything & felt like a soul mate to me BUT THE SEX WAS NOT THERE, WE DIDNT NOT FEEL COMPATIBLE SEXUALY anyhow it has been about a year since we have split up.... i still think about her every day & worry for her & hope and pray she is okay & is happy i even tried getting back with her, twice & she wanted me back... but the attraction was not there, so i could not do it... as it would be unfair on her i am currently dating a girl, she is attractive & the sex is great... but she is not a touch onb my ex personality wise. my ex was very loving, caring & i trusted her. what can i do guys??? would it be a mistake to try and get back to an ex, who i don't feel sexula attraction with?? can it grow, or develop... or will we end up hrting each other??? need advice Link to comment
skyhop333 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Whether you realize this or not, the initial passion, and attraction in any relationship will evolve into a deeper love. Perhaps you will see the difference in this when the same thing happens with the girl your with now. As familiarity becomes the norm, the sexuality tends to dampen. When you notice the only thing you have with the girl you're with now is based on sex and nothing else, you will be able to see the answer of your issue. It's easy to recreate the "spark" if you really love that person, you just have to try. That ability is within you, not them. Just make sure that if you intend to go back to the ex you shouldn't be dragging the girl you have around until you decide either. Personally if it were me, I would have never leave a "love and trust" for a "sex and lust". Lust dies. Love lives on. Link to comment
Furbys Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Yes it would be a mistake. You lost attraction to her, you were not sexually compatible, you tried getting back with her but knew it would not work due to those factors. What makes you think it would be any different now? Leave her to find someone who is attracted to her. Theres is no point causing more hurt. Link to comment
morrowrd Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I think you need to walk away, stop playing wishy-washy with her. You are not attracted to her, and you never will be. Yeah she had some qualities you liked, but a girl like her is never going to get what she needs from you. Do her a favor and leave her alone. You have no problem finding other girls to date, and fill your sexual needs, so stick with that program. There are some men in the world who would find your ex girlfriend attractive due to that sweetness, affection, and watching your back, what I feel is a nurturing nature. I myself find those character traits as sexy in themselves. You don't however, you just like being taken care of, which is not fair to her. So stop second guessing yourself...you made the right choice the first time. Link to comment
soulforge Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 the thing is, the more time i spend with my current girlfriend, the more and more i miss my ex... my current girlfriend is attractive, but i do not feel that genuine kind of love from her... i don't feel i have the security with her & the relationship feels some what fragile... i don't think my current girlfriend cares that much i miss that solid bond i had with my ex girlfriend... we went through everything together... she was always there for me, no matter.... what she had for me was real love.... but i am scared, getting back with her, would end up in me not wanting to have sex with her... what if the passion is just not there, or does not come back??? i also fear... what if i cannot fulfill her sexualy, then what if she leaves me for another man some day. who can give her a proper sex life??? i fear losing my ex, as there is not many good woman like hger about Link to comment
soulforge Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 why does it feel like, i am making a mistake, letting this woman go???? could it be because my current girfriend is knowhere near as nice as my ex was Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Maybe...but that doesn't give you cause to hurt your ex again. There are more than 2 women in the world. If you aren't happy with current gf....find someone.with a great.personality AND with whom you have chemistry. Link to comment
soulforge Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 i dont think my current girlfriend cares much & is sometimes horrible and rude to me i feel like i need to get away from her, maybe i will have to finish it with her after xmas Link to comment
communicationk Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 What makes you feel sexually incompatible with that girl? Maybe you can work on this with her... does she know you feel this way? Link to comment
soulforge Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 What makes you feel sexually incompatible with that girl? Maybe you can work on this with her... does she know you feel this way? when i look at my ex, i just don't feel like wanting to be physical with her... we are great together in a relationship, loving and caring... but when it comes to sex, i just don't feel excited with her. sometimes i feel like maybe i am bieng a shallow human bieng, because she is an amazing lady, and i am letting her go, because of sex my current girlfriend is attractive & the sex is good... but she is sometimes shallow, can be rude and disrespectful and uncaring... the complete opposite of my ex bieng with my current girfreind, makes me miss the close bond i had with my ex, even more Link to comment
Tanzi Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 You miss your ex because you miss the great friendship you had and the companionship you shared. What you feel for her is more that of a very good friend ... NOT a lover. You don't have the correct recipe to make a relationship work. If you go back you will go back to all the negative feelings you had before and you will start being sexually attracted to other women again. It really wouldn't be fair to put her through that again. You aren't compatible with either of these girls but there will be someone out there who you are completely compatible with. However, if you are stay stuck in the mindset that you have to choose between either of these girls then you are missing the opportunity to meet that person. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.