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the lovers vs the loved


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It's hard to combine the two nowadays, cause unfortunately, if you are one, you can't be the other.

 

All the women I've ever dated or been with, have always left because they couldn't understand the amount of love they got from me. "Why do you love me so much?" "Any motives?" -- Are y'all serious? Time to look elsewhere maybe, or are all women like this?

 

Two months isn't a long time. And we never labeled who we were to one another.

Just "really great, close intimate friends" - but beneath it all (we were lovers). It was a secret, but then it wasn't. People saw, people knew. Friends were able to tell how in love we were. Deep within our heated souls, we were two compatible, loving, caring lovers. She was my heaven. I was her rock. We met half way. Then, ambiguity pulled her away, this morning. She knew everything from how happy we made each other, to how real and deep our love really was for one another. But the fear of the unknown, pulled her away. Me being her first woman, to how much patience I have for her decision-making process. We tried and tried, even after she said she couldn't, we tried. Best two additional weeks we've had. And we were two very happy people. It's love. This is called love. Obstacles didn't break us, and would take a lot to break me, but it broke her first.

 

But I'm tired. It hurts. And it hurt a lot more this time than with any other people I have ever been with. Because she was real. We were real. I pray to God, that He'd see the intensity of our love and grant us a relationship that can be reflected through His love. But this pain, please allow me to hurt and then get back up.

 

It's always around the holidays when my heart breaks, into a million pieces.

I don't know exactly what this post was getting at. Not much of a "question-based" post, but I had to write something. I did.

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Sorry you are hurting --- and it is never fun with the holidays looming.

 

But, I do disagree with your premise --- that there is onve lover and one beloved. Maybe at a given moment --- because in the best of the relationships,

those two roles are always in flux.

 

It is when it is overwhelmingly one person --- that the shift of balance is off in the relationship. Hence the comment of "why do you love me so much?".

Love isn't wanting to be waited on, adored --- nor is love feeling like the other person loves you too much.

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It's hard to have anyone you love so much, to leave you in the strongest throes of infatuation....the honeymoon phase. When that person is 'still walking on water' in your eyes. I feel ALL relationships are hard, but when you are in a same-sex relationship, and your lover hasn't come to grips with her sexuality yet....and feels it is still hidden/forbidden.....she may have pulled away because she just can't handle it at this time.

 

Holidays were always the hardest for me when i had no one....or just lost a bf. Parents never understood. I am now 58...and i understand.

 

((hugs))

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