I'm very weary to fall in love, but how does he sound?

[vix8]

So I've recently been seeing this guy and he's pretty awesome. Met him through one of my best friends, at a concert, and then saw each other at another concert again. My best friend got us to exchange numbers. He asked me if I wanted to go out to sushi, and so we did, completely oblivious that it was a date lol. Since we like the same music, I invited him to a Halloween rave, and we ended up hooking up (no sex), totally unexpected on both ends, (blame it on the alcohol haha). I have a problem with opening up my heart, so I brushed off the night as if it were just a hook up with mutual respect. He took me out for breakfast in the morning, and then offered to drive me an hour away to where my home town is (was going to train it). Then he kissed me on the lips good bye and I felt a rush of confusion and nervousness since I implanted the idea in my head that it was a one time hook up. Anyways we hung out again, and ended hooking sober (again no sex). For the first time I wanted the lights off, and never in my life have I felt appreciated while hooking up, it felt genuine. Lots of hand touching, eye contact, smiles, giggles, cuddling, body exploring, and not caring about the orgasm but caring about the moment. I got nervous after it ended and said I need a good sleep tonight and asked him to leave when I wanted him to stay. He ended up asking me out to another concert with some of his friends, bought me a ticket, and we slept at his place and just cuddled and fell asleep. Okay so I wrote this to see what you guys think of our process, him, and us together.

 

Now I'm writing this because I don't know if I'm over thinking because of my fear of letting someone in my heart. I pick up on gestures really easily, and I've noticed that he walks in front of me and I really hate that. I've also noticed that he can't look me in the eye, the only time he ever has is when we were hooking up.. but that's when I can't look him in the eye and I glance away. I feel like eye contact is trust, and it scares me that when he looks me in the eye while hooking up that it's a form of manipulation. But he has told me he's nervous more than once, even nervous during hooking up. So I don't understand: why make contact when hooking up, but not talking? Another thing that weary's me, is when he told me he told his mom about me, and said he told her he can be himself around me. Then he told me he cleaned his car out for me but we never ended up in his car. It was cute, but why did he feel the need to tell me these things? Manipulating me with brownie points? Then he admits he lied to me. It was a cute white lie though, just about hiding the fact that he had a crush on me (something was said, doesn't matter about detail). But before we started seeing each other, I was having a deep conversation with him and my best friend before a concert and said I always know when people lie in a way that hurts me, and I never bother to confront them but instead lower my respect for them, ect, ect. During that conversation he admitted he's good at manipulating. So now I feel like he admitted that lie to get me to trust him.

 

So I like this guy.. we have lots of common interest, and similar morals and beliefs. He flaunts his feminine side, and I flaunt my masculine side, so yin and yang is working. He's funny, cute, has a full time job, his own place, his own SUV, a cat he says he's a feminist and he loves his mom (grew up with single widowed mom), and he's one of the few people I know that is always happy no matter what. On the downside, I stopped contacting my ex of a year and a half in December 2012, and he stopped contacting his ex of 3 years in April 2013. I told him I don't want a commitment because I had two dramatic relationships back to back and I need to focus on me, and he said he needs to do the same because he's always been in long term relationships. Did he just say that because I said that? Also he brings up his ex a lot in conversations, but it doesn't bother me, instead I choose to understand that it is his process of letting go because I used to do that (though this also weary's me that I'm there for comfort purposes). To help confirm that though, he told me we met at the right time because he was feeling lonely. I asked him if it was an intimacy kinda lonely because he's used to relationships, and he said no it's just all my friends are in a relationship and I'm always 3rd, 5th wheel. I honestly don't think he knows what he means. I really do like him .... but I'm still holding back from opening my heart because I'm still weary. If I get hurt again by someone I start to deeply care about, I know I'm going to have serious problems with all aspects of love.

 

Any thought? Especially on the eye contact, and walking in front of me thing.

[SooSad33]

See here, what you said? >> Also he brings up his ex a lot in conversations, but it doesn't bother me, instead I choose to understand that it is his process of letting go because I used to do that (though this also weary's me that I'm there for comfort purposes). To help confirm that though, he told me we met at the right time because he was feeling lonely. I asked him if it was an intimacy kinda lonely because he's used to relationships, and he said no it's just all my friends are in a relationship and I'm always 3rd, 5th wheel.

>> That is NOT a reason to go hooking up with someone.. reason of feeling 'lonely' and being a '5th wheel'. Those are thw wrong reasons.. that's not too good.

He should be meeting up/dating WHEN he is comfortable to move on again. NOT because he is lonely.

It sounds like he is not totally ready to move on.. also with the fact the ex keeps being mentioned- then i think she is still on his mind.

 

I agree with you being 'cautious' with your heart. I agree that your take this slowly. Work on getting to know each other more and enjoying times together. He may 'rush' things too fast. That's another sign of 'rebound'.. not good.

So- take it slowly if you really fancy this guy.

In time you'll see how he is and if he really is being true to you.

[Greatone99]

You should tell him about the walking thing, he probably just does this absent mindedly. As far as the eye contact, that might be just how he is when in public.

[t1lersm0m1]

I agree with SooSad. It sounds like you are starting to like him, but he is emotionally unavailable. I've been there and done that, and trust me it's no fun. The relationship can be fast paced and exciting in the beginning, but if he's not over an ex the adrenalin rush he gets being with you will only last so long and then his feelings for the ex will come crashing back.