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The girl I like is an escort


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So I like this girl and outside of her profession she's awesome. She was honest and straight forward about what she did the first day we exchanged numbers. She told me she was a stripper which was ok I've dated them before but then she told me she was an escort. She worked for a very high class escort service and only dealt with men 40 over. She's had a rough life all of her ex girlfriends beat on her and were abusive. She used to have a pimp and was a prostitute at 18 until she ran away. She say she doesn't like to think about how much she hates what she does but she needs the money and has no family. She's from Brazil very pretty girl. She's smart but never even finished highschool because she had bad foster parents and ran away. I like her, outside of her job she would be a great girlfriend. But she sleeps with married men for a living. She said she was gonna stop once she saved enough money to leave so she can have her own place and not worry about having an abusive girlfriend.

 

I've dated girls that had money, in school or went to private school their whole lives, had a plan, everything together in life planned out, gorgeous but they still played games and hurt me lied to me. Dated girls that weren't so well off and didn't judge them and they took advantage of me. I've always had my kindness taken for granted. She knows that I wanna go slow and even did she would rather be single than date anybody right now because of the way she loves so we could be friends first. But we do have a connection. It's just what she does goes against everything I believe in. And what if she hurts me like the others? I don't care if she isn't the ideal girlfriend in others eyes. I don't care about her past I'm just worried about her. Her safety. I want better for her. She wants somebody to love her as is. I could do that but I couldn't say I loved her without trying to get her to stop. Nobody who loved her could let her do what she does. I don't know we are just friends now. I'm talking to other girls that have a great head on their shoulders. But I feel like they are kinda superficial. They aren't as honest I guess. I feel like they give me the run around and lie about simple stuff. What do I do?

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If you don't want a girlfriend who strips and is an escort, then don't date her. YoDon't try to change her. She has not hit rock bottom or doesn't want to change. There are plenty of jobs she can do - but now she has a taste of quick money and won't be satisfied with a lower paying job. The choices are to "rescue" her, set her up in an apartment or with you and pay all her bills and watch as she walks out the door not resisting her old life (BAD IDEA!) or simply tell her that you are looking for a girl to be exclusive with you and she wouldn't be, even if its "business." Steer clear - you are already going into "rescue" mode by not caring about her past. The problem is that her past is her present. She wasn't an orphan who turned tricks on the street and then when she hit a certain age pulled herself up by her boot straps and found a respectable life. That would be one thing - but this "past" is happening now.

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Firstly, you have to understand that she is an adult and is responsible for her decisions. You cannot change someone regardless of how you feel about what they do.

 

You aren't happy with how she makes her living. She's doing what she feels that she needs to do until she is ready to change that. Even if you were to get serious with her, she is not obligated to stop doing what she is doing. Relationships end and then she would be left with having to do what she has to do to make a living and survive.

 

Hopefully she is saving her money to get out of that situation. If she were to focus some effort on getting her GED and then get a certificate in something to start her off, that would give her the confidence to even go on to higher education and improving her life and making better decisions for herself.

 

Rather than trying to make her change, some friendly counseling may be a better approach. She will need time to make any changes for herself and there will be patience needed while she works to improve her situation. With that could come a better chance for establishing a caring relationship with her.

 

Just some thoughts to ponder.

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What do I do?

 

You either accept her as she is and support her or you leave her alone. If she's doing what she's doing because she feels it's necessary, the last thing she needs is pressure from someone else making it harder to deal with.

 

If you currently judge her, look on her with pity or feel that she is the least bit lesser for the fact that she is an escort, don't even bother. She doesn't deserve or need either and doesn't need rescuing.

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Read up about the Karpman Drama Triangle. You have already, from your post, placed yourself up as the 'rescuer' (I'm good) and her as the 'victim' (Love me no matter what)....This triangle is endless and you will both become the 'persecutor' and go zooming around this triangle endlessly if you pursue this...

 

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The rescuer sounds like me and I am in the healthcare profession. She sounds like the victim she's said that she needs somebody to love her as is which to me says she might not want to change because maybe the money is easy? It's what she's accustomed too? I don't know but I told her we need to slow it down. She needs to get it together on her own and a lot of what you guys are saying I told her so I understand. I just don't wanna get into a bad way with her and get her and myself hurt. She has a lot to deal with.

 

Read up about the Karpman Drama Triangle. You have already, from your post, placed yourself up as the 'rescuer' (I'm good) and her as the 'victim' (Love me no matter what)....This triangle is endless and you will both become the 'persecutor' and go zooming around this triangle endlessly if you pursue this...

 

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She does this by choice. She could do something that takes more time, is more difficult, and pays less, but she prefers what she's doing to all that. She won't change until she gets too old to sell herself and you really don't want to be around then. I'd just stay away and don't trust a tung she says - she lies for a living so she is probably never really honest or genuine.

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The rescuer sounds like me and I am in the healthcare profession. She sounds like the victim she's said that she needs somebody to love her as is which to me says she might not want to change because maybe the money is easy? It's what she's accustomed too? I don't know but I told her we need to slow it down. She needs to get it together on her own and a lot of what you guys are saying I told her so I understand. I just don't wanna get into a bad way with her and get her and myself hurt. She has a lot to deal with.

 

I dont think that you will be able to stand back and wait until she makes a new lifestyle choice (if she ever does, that is). You may be able to stand back for a while and live in hope that she does make that change you will become increasingly frustrated by her and her lack of change and become resentful and angry and turn into the persecutor. She then will become the rescuer and try to make you feel better and you will become the victim. Its endless. I would cut my losses before you both end up hurt and hating each other for not being the person(s) you both need.

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I know I told her I needed my space because I started catching feelings for her. If it weren't for her profession she would be a great girlfriend. But she wants the easy money and needs to save and knows it'll take time for her to get everything together. She's gorgeous and smart, brazilian but I just can't deal with her lifestyle. It'll only get us both hurt your right. Maybe if she stops I can try again with her but not right now. What she does is gross. But when I realized I start missing her even though we are supposed to be friends I told her to back off. If it isn't one thing it's another man. I can get girls that have everything going for them and are beautiful but treat me like crap. Here she is in one of the worst kinds of professions and she treats me better than any of them. She was gonna pay 100 bucks a night to come spend the week with me. She's moving to my state in two weeks. I'm just distancing myself because this sucks drastically. I can't win for losing.

 

I dont think that you will be able to stand back and wait until she makes a new lifestyle choice (if she ever does, that is). You may be able to stand back for a while and live in hope that she does make that change you will become increasingly frustrated by her and her lack of change and become resentful and angry and turn into the persecutor. She then will become the rescuer and try to make you feel better and you will become the victim. Its endless. I would cut my losses before you both end up hurt and hating each other for not being the person(s) you both need.
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You are viewing her with rose-colored glasses. It is almost impossible to someone with her history not to be jaded and have compromised values systems. You talk about this "one little area" that is a problem but you do not see that her work probably defines how she views herself.

 

She doesn't want to quit and sees it as easy money. Why do you want to attempt a rescue? If you lived with her for 2 months, you would discover many other compromised values. She is not the wounded dove that you are painting her to be. She is street smart, skilled at manipulating people and can project the image that the other person wants to believe.

 

Be very careful here. You are out of your league.

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I don't see her leaving her profession for something else even if money is stable. The money is easy and she is used to it in some ways she has numbed herself to not feel anything while on the job. She has been doing this for so long that she would lack identity without it...thusly it is her story one she I do not believe will change. The more you forbid yourself to want and have her...the stronger the desire to be with her will be. I believe no matter others advice in time you will seek out a relationship with her and still hope she will change. I don't think she would intentionally hurt you nor do I believe that she will stop being an escort.

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