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thejazzynator

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  1. She has a cult fan base and i deleted most of my twitter posts about her. I'm trying to differentiate myself from just being a fan. But when she stopped reacting to me it just sucked. I am gonna delete the pics off ig. my profile is private so i doubt she saw them. I put my name on the poems i wrote for her based off her songs and nada. Like you could google her on twitter and see the thread i posted under and there i was with my poem along with maybe two other comments. I know she saw it. She just ignored and idk why. Every since that girl.... maybe she thinks I'm just another fan trying to get on her page.. I'm trying to be her girlfriend dammit. I mean yeah I'm a fan but come on. I feel like i missed my opportunity and she doesn't hit the states again until next year so who knows what'll happen by then. She has a formidable cult fanbase. About 100k on fb and the same on Instagram not as many on twitter.... i feel like that ship as sailed and i try to just give up and move on but something keeps drawing me to her. I can't shake her. It bothers me i have these feelings when i don't really know her. I feel like I'm just gonna be let down....
  2. So there is this girl I like. And I think I'm coming here for more of a reality check than anything. But I found her music on my spotify earlier this year while listening to other bands. Her music helped me through a tough patch in my life after suffering extreme abuse from my ex, I had to put a restraining order on her. It was terrifying and a horrid experience. However this artists music has a healing factor in it for me. I could be in the pits of darkness in my mind and hear her voice and instantly feel uplifted and happy. Like I can make it through the day. I decided to see her in concert. I spent the day getting ready as if I was going on a date. I felt like a kid in high school. I wanted my appearance to be a reflection of how confident and beautiful she made me feel. I went to her show and she was amazing. She smiled and noticed me sometimes and even came over to me at the end of the show to sing when I started doing body rolls toward her and beckoning her to come here. I've never experienced anything like it. I waited outside to meet her after her set and the girl from the band before her noticed me and kept beckoning me with her eyes to come over while she was meeting fans but I was waaaayyy to shy. Turns out the girl i like couldn't come out to see us because someone started fighting and the cops were called. However she did like a couple of my tweets on twitter after the show even ones where I mentioned her when i got my wisdom teeth pulled. The thing is she barely likes any fans things on twitter and I was one of the first she liked and noticed on her page in a while. She liked fan pics from the show and meeting her but that's it nothing random. I was stoked until one fan that I met who drove seven hours to see her posted a pic with black blood coming out of her mouth and the artists make up line on and her lyrics drawn on her face. She liked it so much she added it to her instagram. I tried to write her a poem but after that girl she's never reacted to me again and I'm kinda heart broken. I really like her and I've never been so taken by a woman in my life. I know she had to see my poetry she just never reacted to it. It doesn't seem fair... I'm love sick over a woman I may never meet. And what's worse is that I post about her so much on instagram that other girls have started unfollowing me because they think something is going on. I'm just being a fan an trying to help promote her but I guess to them since they don't know her they kinda backed off. Everything has been so weird lately since that show. I've dated and seen a lot of beautiful women who are prettier than she is. But I can't take my mind off of her. Idk what to do. Her tour has ended so seeing her again is a wrap until next year. I don't know her personally so it sucks that I don't know if I should be dedicated so much of myself emotionally or even as a fan to someone I've never met. But i can't help how I feel. Please help me snap out of it. I've just never felt so immensely engulfed and enraptured by a woman in my life. Idk what she did to me or what happened that night but i can't even drive by the venue she played at without getting emotional. She made a broken girl come out of her shell and be beautiful. At the least I want the chance to let her know that but now idk what to do
  3. I've been dating and having fun outside of her. Regardless of what she is going through i don't like how she is treating me. I'm moving on. She has my number if she wants to meet. Thats if i don't hit it off with a girl that actually likes me.
  4. refer here for an update if you care to read it'll give you the back story So after trying to have a friendly convo with a girl I liked she stopped talking to me completely. We met on okcupid and hit it off but when it came time to meet she panicked and said she was going through a tough time and didn't want to. She had gotten put of a polyamorous relationship where she was used for sex by her best friend and best friends husband and was raped the year before. I understood and told her I'd give her some space. Flash forward i try to check on her and have a convo about piercings. I tell her about my nipple piercings because i had recently gotten them and they were sore and the piercer said to ice them. I think she took it as a sexual innuendo maybe and just stopped talking to me altogether. I apologized and said if i had said anything to offend I was sorry. She didn't hit me up. I wrote her off and unfollowed her on social media and have since been talking to another girl. She has yet to unfollow me howeverand I honestly thought she just didn't care until she liked a pic of mine. I know it seems small and probably doesn't mean much but we were supposed to meet over the weekend before she disappeared on me and now she is trying to kinda... pop up? Idk. I thought it was weird. I'm not hitting her up. I was kind to her and respectful the entire time she went through what she was going through. I told her she was beautiful first thing in the morning. Now i feel like maybe she is watching me on social media.... idk... weird... but the new chic is a lot less creepy lol
  5. I ultimately just decided to part ways with her. I don't think I was helping her much as you stated. And I felt like I was putting pressure on her. Hopefully she heals and finds someone when she is ready. I just, I feel led on and I was nothing but nice. But I don't know what she was or wasn't doing. So I just parted ways.
  6. I'm a girl lol but I get it. And you're not the first person to say i may like the idea of her... but right now I think we are a no go. Like I'm already making plans with other girls on the weekend we are supposed to meet because she hasn't returned my last texts and I don't know what's going on with her. Like before this happened I was telling girls that hit on me that I was talking to someone I really liked and even after I'm trying to be nice but for what? I don't know what she's doing. And I do like to cater to my lady and make her feel happy and comfortable. I like to spoil and be spoiled. Idk if i would say i like to feel needed.... But when I do kind things just be appreciative and receptive. Just don't take and take and use and misuse me. Like now idk.... you're right is going through too much.
  7. Or maybe I just like her? I liked her before this happened. I thought I emphasized that. Am I being judged for being supportive?
  8. For those that want to stay up to date please check out link above. This as a continuation. So I like a girl who is going through a tough time. She was raped a little over a year ago and then got into a polyamorous relationship with her best friend and her best friends husband where she was used for sex and devoid of affection. My ex was pretty abusive as well so we both saw that we could give each other the affection and love we both desire and hit if off quickly. I talked to her like she was my best friend. Told her everything. However, she decided not to meet up for the first time stating she was going through a lot emotionally. At first like many others I thought she was just bluffing and didn't like me. Until something told me to just hit her up and check on her. Things have gotten bad enough that she had to have a friend come stay with her because she was so messed up emotionally and was incredibly grateful that someone she had yet to meet in person off okcupid cared about what she was going through. I told her that it didn't change how much i liked her because she couldn't help what happened to her and she thanked me. Told her she was beautiful this morning and to have a good day and she thanked me. My friend told me it's cool to be nice but not to pity her which I agree. I don't wanna seem like she needs pity when I just want to make her smile. She has been pretty proactive about refocusing on her life. I told her I didn't wanna text her everyday because I didn't wanna put pressure on her and wanted to be respectful. She said she was judt coping and seems appreciative that I care so much. Now, it's hard for me to focus on any other girl. I feel like I'm betraying my feelings by doing so. I don't know why, people say move on because she may be too damaged to withstand anything right now. Which is true and I'm not looking for right now. I just, I want her to be happy. I like bringing her comfort, she makes me feel appreciated. That means more to me than anything even if we never get together. There's a kind and considerate vibe between us. She's really a sweet girl. Like I don't feel like a fool for holding back on other girls and before this happened I was telling chics who asked to talk to me I was talking to someone I really like. I haven't told her this because I don't wanna put pressure on her this is just me and what I don't mind doing. If we don't end up together girls will be there you know? Not to sound egocentric but as I've gotten older I realize they'll be there. I used to go from relationship to relationship thinking if I didn't I would never find anybody. Now looking back, it's like I was worried but kept getting what I was worried about not getting and didn't realize it. If that makes any sense. I guess I feel like she's worth it... idk. Have any of you been in similar situations? I wanna hit her up and tell her I can't stop thinking about her. Not because I feel sorry for her but because I like her but again zi don't wanna be selfish and let my feelings supersede her turmoil right now. Or maybe she'll appreciate it? Idk.
  9. I think people post enough of their private business on here without even showing the messages they sent. And a lot copy verbatum from what the texts said. Her name does not show and neither does mine nor out numbers. I honestly posted them just to give everyone a better feel of what I read.
  10. Thank you. I have been on date after date that has not panned out and i finally found someone i connected with and this happened. I'm bummed out the good news is I'm no longer just hopping into relationship after relationship and I'm dating more. And now this happened.
  11. So me and a girl i met off okcupid talked online for about 2 weeks I think. We hit it out great, the first thing she mentioned when we started talking however is that she had gotten out of a polyamorous relationship where she was the third for a straight couple and it was a painful break up where she had not been fulfilled enotionally throughout. We had a lot in common, both of her exs were not affectionate and hers were cold to her and so was my ex. We were both excited to find an affectionate and kind soul in the other and when we finally exchanged numbers the conversations didn't change. We still responded with 3 or 4 paragraphs worth of talking and she even revealed she was recently raped a year ago on a date and had been to therapy which helped her a lot and after talking decided to meet up. We talked like best friends and couldn't wait to meet last tonight. Today however she said she wasn't ready emotionally. I have attached the exchange. She did say she has trouble with anxiety and worries a lot. I really really like her but I'm afraid this is gonna be it between us. Whenever stuff like this happens it never pans out well. So if you've been through something similar what did you do? Or if not how would you handle this? Move on? Wait and see if she changes her mind?
  12. I think it has a lot to do with me having to hide who i am for so long. I think men are awesome outside of romance and sex. I don't think I have a phobia so much as my body feels like it is saying "enough is enough" other than that I'm fine with men. I think I can hang with him as a friend. You're right. It's still a man.
  13. I have found myself attracted to trans men. I identify as lesbian and have always found men to be repulsive sexually. I've tried dating them and following whatever attraction I may have to them but I end up feeling sick in the stomach, like nauseous and then I get headaches from the very thought of being with one sexually or romantically. I think I dated men a lot to cover up and hide my sexuality when I was younger and now that I'm out I just find it disgusting to be attracted to them. It happens naturally and it is nothing I can help. I have tried for myself to be "normal" and fit in. But my mental health and being myself is more important to me. Plus I never wanted to hurt a guy knowing how I felt. However I am attracted to some of them, but not enough to have sex with without the afformentioned reactions no matter how good they look. But when I see a trans man. I feel safe, like their body is okay with me. I agreed to hang out with one and see where things go but today I had those same disgusted feelings I get towards cis men. I like them as a person and find them attractive, I don't know if I'll get used to them being male because that's what they are. That's what threw me off. I'm going out with a guy and I don't like men. And they view themselves as real men and I believe them to a point where I had that same reaction. I don't want to hurt anybody or get hurt. Idk what to do. I think I like their "spirit" more than anything. It's a nee segway for more. I am okay with being pans and I just don't date cis gendered men maybe? I guess its just an adjustment.. idk...
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