Please help me with my predicament..? I appreciate your thoughts

[abysmal]

As short and concise as possible:

 

Well, lately a young woman of my past has been on my mind. For some strange reason I have been seeing her everywhere I go, in the faces of strangers it seems. So I logged onto facebook just yesterday and saw where she invited me to her page (she is a musician and an actress on campus). This young woman is extremely talented; she's into acting, painting, carpentry, can speak a foreign language, is well-literate, I could go on. I truly have a lot of admiration for her skills, and her personality is vibrant. I am/was charmed by her. So this girl is the only girl with which I have ever in my life felt like I knew the feelings were mutual for me and I could feel we had chemistry. It was an intense, almost magnetic presence when I was around her. We once agreed to meet on campus for lunch and we talked for hours and I actually got a ticket that day for parking too long but It was worth it, haha!

 

When I said through text one day that I needed to talk to her about something, she called me later that day and I let her know that I wanted to spend more time with her. She seemed at least lukewarm to the idea. However I began to complain about my life to her more frequently, about my loneliness and mistrust of ex's, etc. This was a very sinister attempt on my part that I shouldn't have made to have her manipulated into having sympathy for me so that I could keep her close in my life. I REGRET WHAT I HAVE DONE EVERY SINGLE DAY. I should have held myself on my own merits but I didn't feel I deserved her. So she ceased communications with me after quitting her job where I met her and where I still work. 5 or so months ago.

 

I am considering getting in touch with her but I don't know what to say. I don't want to get too sentimental or sappy but I want her to know that I miss her, which I do dearly, and that our time together meant so much to me. Every time I think of her I smile, I miss our friendship. I want her to know how I feel. Would it be wrong to go about contacting her, or should I not tarnish those memories of where I was with her at that time??

 

Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughts!!!!!!

[Abigaelle]

If she has been on Your mind, Go for it!'

Don't hesitate , just be careful this time

[abysmal]

Would it be okay, Abigaelle and others who are reading, to mention how fond I am/was of our previous get-together where we talked to hours, or is that weird?

 

I just still can not decide whether to do this. If she ignores I will be devastated.

[Ms Darcy]

To be honest it sounds like she is one of those fun and friendly girls who has several lonely guys like you circling.

 

What is clear to me in your story is that when you expressed your interest is that she was not interested romantically at all.

 

I think you should own the fact that this was kind of a one sided friendship where you hoped for more.

 

And in fact if you are not ready for her to potentially ignore you then perhaps you should just move on.

[abysmal]

To be honest it sounds like she is one of those fun and friendly girls who has several lonely guys like you circling.

 

What is clear to me in your story is that when you expressed your interest is that she was not interested romantically at all.

 

I think you should own the fact that this was kind of a one sided friendship where you hoped for more.

 

And in fact if you are not ready for her to potentially ignore you then perhaps you should just move on.

Ms Darcy, (if you could tell me your thoughts after reading this as well, that'd be great!) maybe you are right. I'm not sure how she felt, but I was pretty sure it was reciprocated. And I'm not being arrogant: a lot of girls I have been with I could sense negative vibes, but with her it was different, and she did evidently tell her coworkers that she had a wonderful time. But anyways I told her from the beginning that all I asked was to maybe see shows, dinner etc on occasion. Nothing serious.

 

Our communication breakdown began when I was negatively complaining about everything. That was literally the exact time around which we stopped talking.

 

And I honestly am not really wanting a relationship per se I guess, as I have resigned to just being "the friend" to women, and I'm not hoping for it unless it happens by chance. But I really want to reconnect with her very much so and just see how she's doing, get some coffee and catch up, see each other a couple times a month, friend stuff, etc. That's what I'm hoping for. Honestly. She was really cool. I mean there are romantic feelings for her on my part but I can suppress them if need be (I have become skilled at that).

[Ms Darcy]

I think so long as you can accept that she might ignore you, you should feel free to contact her. But you must accept whatever response she gives you and respect it.

[savignon]

I agree with Ms Darcy...reach out to her but then accept her answer and move on.

[abysmal]

Ok, I will send something tomorrow very brief and exact, ie " How are you? I think I saw you on campus the other day and I hope you've been well, I hope your job search goes well & I wish you the best of luck getting your music out there. If at some point you'd like to get coffee/hang out together, I think that'd be a lot of fun! Take care."

 

Clear and precise, nothing too sentimental (which I tend to be), and it leaves it amicable and open to possibilities and free of any awkwardness. I know that the only way I will ever see her again in any scenario is not by hounding her to death, and I have tremendous respect for her, so I will not contact her beyond that unless I invoke a response.

 

Please wish me luck, I really do mean well and I really want to be friends with her again.