What have you done with stuff

[Jeffbobo]

Ok. So I'm over 2 years out PD and still have a few boxes of personal items left from 25 years together. I'm kinda POed that I was left to deal with this stuff and as far as the ex was concerned she said I can burn it. Lol. I've been widdling stuff down over time, either donating or throwing it out but now I'm down to direct personal and/or intimate items. These things are photo albums, letters, pics, etc. I've thought to keep these items as they are a part of most of my life. I'm curious on what others have done and why? And if your answer is, "I burned everything, that SOB can rot in hell" that's an acceptable answer. Lol.

[HeartGoesOn]

Do you have anything to gain by keeping these items?

[Misfortune]

I dumped everything and I'm only 5 months separated. I figure that it's all tainted by her deceitfulness and I don't need any constant reminders. I usually dump everything from past relationships, good or bad.

[journeynow]

I've stored them in a box in the attic. Together 29 years, 2 years divorced. No need to do anything with them for now. We have 2 grown kids who may want them someday, or there may come a time when I'll be ok with looking at them. But now, they are stored.

[Jeffbobo]

Do you have anything to gain by keeping these items?

 

Photos and albums are kept for my kids. Other handful of token items no. I have items from pre-marriage and I guess look at them no different.

 

So you answered my question with a question.

[waffle]

Four months post-divorce I still have our wedding pictures displayed. Openly. 8-[ This is because I don't really feel anything one way or the other when I see them . . . it was a part of my life that happened, and I can acknowledge that it happened, but it's over now and I've moved on. Logically I know I need to put them away but again, I don't really feel anything when I look at them (other than, gee, look how YOUNG I looked lol!). Actually they've been in the same place for so long that I don't really see them anymore, if you know what I mean. I forget they're there. And a couple other trinkety things here and there that also go unnoticed . . . a tiny crocheted heart hanging in the kitchen that says "Waffle and Hubby 1989" (the year we got engaged), stuff like that. So maybe next week sometime I will take a good look around the house and box them up and put them next to the wedding album and the wedding video on the top shelf of the hall closet ( I will always keep those things because there are pictures/video of our fathers and other family members who have since passed).

 

I generally don't get emotional over "things" but recently (like a couple weeks ago) I sold my engagement ring on ebay. That, out of everything so far, was tough. I sat in the car in front of the post office for about five minutes looking at it before sealing it in the envelope and taking it inside, just remembering the day we picked it out. Recognizing that I had no way of knowing on that day almost 25 years ago what would end up happening. I've been over it a hundred times in my head and there was no other outcome. I mailed it to someone in Virginia who had paid me less than I had been hoping to get for it (but still far more than the local cash-for-gold place was offering) and I told them "this was my ring for almost a quarter century, please take good care of it." They wrote back promising they would. I'm setting the money aside to add to my "50th Birthday Fund" . . . tentatively I'm planning on taking a cruise to Key West and Cozumel and maybe another stop if I can swing the upgrade . . . I still have 2+ years to save . . .

[solamente]

the only thing i have that comes to mind is photos and i keep them in a bin with all my other photos. i've seperated the ones of him out, so that i don't have to look at them when i get in a nostalgic mood to go through the bin. personally, i don't want to throw them away because i know when i am much older they will be the only thing i can remember him by. and i don't want to totally forget forever; he had a huge impact on me and my life and a lot of it was good.

[catfeeder]

I've sent every little document that didn't belong to me back to it's rightful owner because I didn't want any drama to find me if something was forgotten but important.

 

Photos just stayed in the albums and became part of my history. If a future lover were to express disturbance about them, I'd trash them. Otherwise, the small real estate they took was no skin off my back.

 

Then I lost everything after hurricane Irene. I was kind of glad that I had not been spiteful with them--I just let mother nature decide for me.

[ls88]

I generally don't get emotional over "things" but recently (like a couple weeks ago) I sold my engagement ring on ebay.

 

Excellent idea. I have a GF that swapped hers for a couple of gorgeous cocktail rings. If the jeweler won't do a fair swap with me for mine I'll sell it on ebay. I asked my STBX if he wanted the wedding pictures and other wedding keepsakes. He didn't so they've already hit the dumpster. I plan on doing away with my outrageously expensive wedding dress as well.

ls

[catfeeder]

[...] I plan on doing away with my outrageously expensive wedding dress as well.

 

Why not sell that on eBay? It might feel good to know that you're giving some young hopeful a crack at a gown she could not otherwise afford.

[lavenderdove]

I made sure that most of his stuff was packed up when he moved out. I still have my wedding ring, but interestingly enough I keep it as a reminder of why we DIDN'T work. He bought a truly UGLY ring without even consulting me, a matched set that looked great on his hand but horrible on mine and would have been the last ring I'd ever bought and absolutely INSISTED that i wear it rather than letting us find something we both liked. It was an omen of how that relationship played out... he was extraordinarily selfish and only cared about himself, and made sure he got what HE wanted but honestly never cared whether I was happy or not. He also bought those rings with my money, because he never seemed to have any of his own... i discovered after we married that he hated to work, and found perpetual reasons to lose jobs and get other people to support him (me of course after the marriage). So that ring is an emblem to me of why I divorced so it serves a positive function for me!

 

I kept photos that included the dogs we got together because i loved those dogs and they stayed my dogs after the divorce. But otherwise i did a 'clean sweep' and got rid of everything that triggered any memories of him.

 

I think you have to look at the stuff and carefully analyze what purpose it is serving in your life. If it is serving none, get rid of it. If it makes you sad, get rid of it. If it brings some positive memories or serves a positive purpose, then keep it. If it doesn't trigger memories and is useful, keep it.

[ls88]

Why not sell that on eBay? It might feel good to know that you're giving some young hopeful a crack at a gown she could not otherwise afford.

 

That's a great idea. I considered it at one point. I just felt like a wedding gown is such a personal thing and everyone is so picky anyone that saw it on ebay would think the gown is jinxed because it came from a divorce. you're right, it won't hurt a thing attempting to sell it on ebay.

ls

[catfeeder]

That's a great idea. I considered it at one point. I just felt like a wedding gown is such a personal thing and everyone is so picky anyone that saw it on ebay would think the gown is jinxed because it came from a divorce. you're right, it won't hurt a thing attempting to sell it on ebay.

ls

 

Hah! I understand, but no, people aren't unified in assigning meaning to personal things. There's a market for everything, especially when it's beautiful and priced to sell.

[simplexity]

I hardly put emotions on things doesn't really bother me , even the cover bed sheet that I am still using was a gift from him.. LOL

I still have pictures too, saved in external disks, i don't open it tho but I should have no problem even if i see it now..

It's just for me a stage that has come to pass, a memory of a person that has been part of my life, who knows , someday he will be famous or popular hahaha at least I got proof that we've been couple.. never know when it will become handy

Seriously tho, I really am not sentimental with stuff , maybe im not normal ..

[benga]

6 months after we separated, I sent everything that was left in my house - back to her..... I sold my house and moved into another... It was healing..