resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Been I while since my last post.... So I went on a date with a girl I met online and had a great time. We spent about 7 hrs talking and both agreed that we had a connection and she said she was excited to for a second outing. This was a week ago and during the week I was trying to make plans to see her again but due to poor communication and the fact that she's one busy girl we haven't been able to meet. Yesterday we were suppose to meet and told me since this past Sunday that Tuesday after 1 would be great but that he had plans for the night. I messages her Monday night that I could pick her up at 5 and I guess she read the message the next day and messages me back that she couldn't because that was too late. Well I felt like she just stood me up as I has set something special for us an since she couldn't come it kinda spoile everything. I called and she said she was sorry but couldn't. I don't know, thing is that she is very chill an laid back and guess she is taking things real slow. Maybe something I should be doing as well? Should I move on? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Not sure what you are moving on from --- one date. She flaked on you --- you texted her Monday for Tues night and she didn't make it. She doesn't know you set up "something special", which by the way --- is wayyyy to early for that stuff. So --- she cancelled. I would just keep dating/meeting other people. And if she gets back in touch, decide then. But the next move is hers. She is the one that cancelled. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Will do, thanks. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Nothing special for 2nd dates. Makes you come off as creepy or desperate. Just keep trekking, it's a big world out there. Link to comment
LostRhino Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Yeah that's good advice. Let us know if she pops back up this one has me curious. I seen a couple of girls that were dogey at first then suddenly came around full circle. Its always a pleasant surprise when you back off for awhile then they jump back in the picture. Of course sometimes you never hear from them again lol. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Got it creepy and desperate. She's a very busy person and organizes things to a T. She was buying some last minute things for her mother that's living overseas and so I imagine she was hurrying up with the shopping as her sister was leaving the very next day to visit her mother. I'm just confused because we spent such a long time talking and agreed we had established a connection and were fond of each other so it just seemed odd that she couldn't squeeze me in to her active lifestyle? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Not odd at all...her family is her priority...plus work, etc. At this point, you are a "fit in she time allows". Its only been one date. Link to comment
sunshines Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Date around and don't just put your focus on one person when they aren't with you. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Yikes!...Hope I didnt f it up! I teased when she told me she was sorry and said she felt bad and I joked by saying "well you should then" she commented back "well if you're going to make me feel bad" I then told her I was kidding and that I understood and to not worry. Today was the first time she didnt write me back so I'm thinking she probably took that to heart? I don't think she should as I didnt me anything by it. it was just a goof. Im sure Ill be told that it was enough to make her resent me or whatever,lol. Link to comment
uniqueme Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I'm sure everything will be fine...it's still early in your relationship... Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 When I've had a date that went really well (not that I do often but anyway I definitely want to see the guy within the next week, at least. How busy is she? Does she work all day or something? Does she have other obligations? Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Hey missmarple.. Yeah she is a Veterinarian and works long hours, she is actually on a extended Vacation as she quit her job because she felt overworked, underpaid, and was just not happy. Before I went out with her she was traveling around quite a bit; New Orleans, Orlando, Seattle....to see all her friends. I'm sure she's taking full advantage of said vacation. That was my thought as well, if it went so well I figured she wanted to see me as soon as possible? she has though been writing to me everyday and lengthy letters at that. To me that showed she still was interested. I tried to set up dates before the day she cancelled on me but she had already made plans with others so I understood. Its already been a little over a week and her lack of wanting to see me (to me) confuses me although someone already said it before here that she has other priorities. Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Question: when you say you met online...was it on a dating site or something irrelevant? Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Yes, it was a dating site. Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Well, if she had that many other priorities, why would she be on a dating site in the first place and actively dating, too, as she did with you? Second, she's on an extended VACATION. That means she can choose how to spend her time and she chooses not to spend it with you. Maybe she did like the first date but has met someone else since. I would move on. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Those were my exact thoughts as she's been on a month or two without working so figured if you're like this on vacation than can't imagine what it will be once you do start working. And yes why is she on a dating site when it seems that she doesnt have time for dating altogether? She told me she was talking to 3 other guys and despite the awesome time we had she probably found someone else. I'm just moving on Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 She had an awesomer time with someone else. It's ok. Keep it movin. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Ms darcy- You hurt me Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 Update- I sent her a message yesterday after a week asking what had happened and thought we were on the same page in terms of how we liked each other and thought it strange that after messaging back n forth for 2 weeks straight she suddenly dissapears. I then wished her well whatever her reasons were that she was no longer interested. She messaged me today saying that her sister that lives in New Orleans got burned and had to come back to our city as she couldnt because of her job. she said that she felt that she wasn't on the same page as me and that getting to know someone should be easy and flowing and also that she wasnt looking for to get into anything serious (right, thats why you're on a dating website) she wished me well. I then decided to call her as I only called her once and told her I was sorry for what happened to her sister and then said I wasn't trying to get into a RS right away with her and wanted to get to know her more and if she wanted to hangout sometime to which she said yes. So here's the thing folks.......as soon as I hung up I got angry as heck!! not at her but myself.....I coudn't believe what I just heard and my thoughts were immediately to call BS on what she told me. not because those incidents did not take place, I'm sure they did but I am on a dating site and if I spent 2 weeks talkign to her and then suddenly she dissapears on me and doesnt even let me know what happened am I not right to think that she had no interest in me? Well I'm done with this one and the whole online dating. Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I am on a dating site and if I spent 2 weeks talkign to her and then suddenly she dissapears on me and doesnt even let me know what happened am I not right to think that she had no interest in me? Well I'm done with this one and the whole online dating. Yes, you're right but don't give up on online dating just because of her. You'll meet someone else. Link to comment
bob the brave Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 mhowe is right. But, I don't understand. It was a text and from your posting it could be interpreted that she meant Tuesday after 1 PM is ok, but not Tuesday evening. When you said you could pick her up a 5 PM, of course that is too late. If that is the case then she stayed true to her schedule and you misunderstood. Anyway, chill a bit, go slow and yes it is way to early to be planning special stuff. This is the weird thing I have found about relationships - everybody wants someone to love and care for and vise versa, but at first they don't. It seems contraintuitive, I mean the end game is everyone wants someone to love them and be there for them. But in the beginning, they want to feel special, like you care ONLY for them. I think women are espeically prone to this way of thinking. They want to believe that you could have others, but their power is so strong that they have captured you. So you have to act aloof, text other girls, act like you really like her, but if she bailed tomorrow it's no big deal. Then she will have to have you. Once you have passed that iniciation, you can be the nicer guy. But, if you are just nice and attentive right off, which is what you would think they want (and truly is) they will run for the hills - you are too easy. They will think you are weak and desperate even though you are not. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 Best advice ever Bob!! Yeah I have to agree that 5 pm was too late and she didnt flake out on me and very true that she did stay true to her schedule. I was going to fast and even still did after I called her today because before I called I sent her an email that although I wasn't trying to be rude about it I said she could have at least told me what had happened with her sister so that I could know at the very least were she was and that she didnt just stopped liking me. Foolish i know folks, you don't have to say it (god what was I thinking). Anyway I re read the god awful message I sent her and wrote a short one where I apologized for being such an inconsiderate D-bag. I truly hope she can disregard that last message. She was tending to her severely burnt sister so the last thing I'd expect her to do is get back to my silly a$$. Even I wouldnt get back to some girl if something happened to one of my siblings. God I effed it up!! Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Please don't do the above again. She's shown you through actions and words she isn't that interested, why did you continue trying? It's so unattractive and des... Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 They want to believe that you could have others, but their power is so strong that they have captured you. So you have to act aloof, text other girls, act like you really like her, but if she bailed tomorrow it's no big deal. Then she will have to have you. Every time I've come accross a guy like that, I never once stayed around because 'I had to have him'. If a girl goes for someone who acts aloof, texts other girls and acts as if losing her tomorrow is no big deal, she's a very insecure girl, in my opinion. If you value yourself enough, you don't fall for such cheap tricks. Just my two cents Link to comment
resilient7 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 Hazyillusions- Because I liked her of course! Thats why I did whatever you think I did wrong? I'm certainly not going to do anything else from now on and will leave it be but the reason why I kept pursuing was because I felt at the time she wasnt giving me cheap excuses and actually had legitimate reasons for being absent. What would you have me do....play and act aloof like it was suggested to me just now? Thats the problem with most of you women. All I did was show her I was interestd in her. I didnt stalk her! I never called her but this one time! nor did I blow up her message box! Funny how quick you girls are to call a guy desperate and needy. Link to comment
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