Am I in love or am I infatuated or what the heck is this?

[summernite]

It will soon be a year since B and I got back in touch after our Summer fling 10 years ago. We have been texting, skyping on/off since last November. It's been now 6 weeks since last time we talked and I am wondering why am I feeling so hungry (lack of a better word to describe what I feel) for him. I miss chatting with him, I fantasize, I just feel this pull inside that craves contact with this man.

 

Several times I've explained to him that I can't have anything with him because he has a GF x 18 months. I told him I was developing feelings for him, and asked him to go away or breakup with the GF. I explained over and over I don't want to go after an unavailable man.

 

When I told him I was separated (he asked), we started talking more often and went on skype and on the phone a few times. I enjoyed every single second of it. However, his GF wants to move in and have kids, and he doesn't; but as far as I know they're still together.

 

Last time we skyped, he told me that I was like a fantasy to him, that I was everything he wants in a partner. That he wants to pick up where we had left of 11 years ago and get to know each other better, hang out, etc.

 

But (there had to be a but), he said he is not prepared to breakup with his GF, because they've been together for 18 months, and all his friends and family like her, and his son likes her too. SO, he said it is going to take some time for him to get out of that relationship. What the hell does this mean?? I don't know what to think. He knows I don't want to have anything with him as long as he is in another relationship.

 

Last time we talked on the phone was 6 weeks ago. I told him that I feel bad for his GF, and that I have a crush on him (was this a mistake?). We haven't been in touch since then. Not sure what is happening in my head, what does he have in mind? I think about him daily and miss talking with him. I wish we could be next to each other to see how things develop and where they lead to....

 

This is so pathetic. I feel silly, and stupid, and just as if I was 12. He knows I don't want anything with him as long as he is with someone else, it is obvious he just wants to be with her. Why did he keep coming back to me over and over after telling him so many times to go away and be happy with his GF? Now that he has me basically addicted to him, he's gone again.

 

Try not to judge, I know this is so ridiculous and I should just move on but why the heck can't I just do that?? I am the kind of person that needs to understand what is happening before actually moving on. Any suggestions on what is happening here?

 

Please avoid scolding me for talking to a man with a girlfriend. I know that, I've told him that, I am caught in a situation beyond my understanding here(and I don't like that). This can't possibly be love when he is not available to me, what is this feeling of hunger for him? is it infatuation? isn't infatuation supposed to last just a few weeks? what is this? just a crush? a fantasy? what is it and why is he doing this peekaboo game with me?

 

Thank you,

 

Summernite

[mhowe]

It is a fantasy, and as it has no basis of reality in the real world (he has a gf he is unwilling to break up with), and you have explained he needs to do that to be with you --- he has disappeared.

 

So --- there you have it. A mutual fantasy that will remain just that --- wishful thinking.

[summernite]

was it a mistake saying I don't want to have anything with him as long as he has that gf?

[mhowe]

was it a mistake saying I don't want to have anything with him as long as he has that gf?

 

Not if you have an ounce of integrity.