WHY????

[dalylove]

my fiance and i have been living together for 4 years, our couple fell in the routine of work -sleep-work,we had our ups and downs like all couples... we prepare our mariage for next year,but he told me that he is not ready,he loves me and i know it but he is just not ready and dont know when he will... i can accept that ,but now he is moving out ,he is taking his own place he think it will be good for us,i'am confused and scared that he will cheat on me ,or he doesnt want me anymore,i ask him he didnt want of the relationship ,i even gave him his ring back but he gave it to him again and told me he loves me he just wants us to live apart and see how it goes,really i dont what to think so i need some advvices or testimonies,..should i live him or be patient? help me

[ticklebug]

what his reasons were for choosing to hold off on getting married and moving out are not something people on a message board can tell you. No one has a crystal ball that can tell you what the future holds.

 

I can't say I know anyone who has taken that big of a backwards step in a relationship to have it end up walking down the isle. He has commitment issues (obviously) that he may never get over...

 

The only way to know for sure is to sit him down and say...be honest with me...what, specifically, brought this on...

 

and then go from there.

[dreamweaverdude]

well daly, i dont know much but if he wants you to keep the ring but wants to back up and move out.. i'mthinking... (someone jump in tell me i'm wrong if i am) sounds like he wants you and the freedom to explore.. i would say him wanting you to keep the ring is his way of stringing you on while he goes and plays.. and if it doesn't work out.. he can say he never left......

 

Find out what the hell is going on and dont play his games

[tiger_lilies]

Here's a guess at the reasons why he's wanting to move out...maybe he feels that you are becoming too needy for him. Marriage could scared the heck out of him and if you both get married, then you will become more needy?

 

This guess is just a stab in the dark. I've been doing a lot of research on relationships these days and have discovered certain techniques that seem to make a lot of sense to me. One of them is driving your partner away because of being too needy. Try putting on your mask of confidence, act like it doesn't bother you and keep up the act. It's kind of like reverse psychology.

[sayer7]

It seems odd that he's moving out after having been together so long. Maybe he's getting cold feet but doesn't want to hurt you? If this is the case, don't let him draw out the inevitable. If a guy's not ready he's not ready. However if a guy's wishy washy about getting married, it's not fair to leave you standing with a bunch of questions in your mind.

 

Just because a guy move out doesn't mean he intends to cheat on you... however you do have to have a mature sit-down conversation with him and find out the true reasons behind him moving out. Otherwise you'll just be guessing and have questions in the back of your mind-- and being his fiancee you deserve clear cut answers.

 

Marriage is about full committment, and if he's moving out now it doesn't seem he's got full committment on the brain right now. For some reason he doesn't want to live with you (sorry if that hurt to hear). You have a right to know the honest reason why he's moving out. Ask him in a mature, honest conversation.

 

Hope this helps...

[dalylove]

i thank you all for your answers,well he want to move out because of religions issues ,we both know and agree that live together without being married is a sin in front of GOD ,but iam scared that he will cheat on me or being apart will weakened our relationship

[RayKay]

i thank you all for your answers,well he want to move out because of religions issues ,we both know and agree that live together without being married is a sin in front of GOD ,but iam scared that he will cheat on me or being apart will weakened our relationship

 

You decided after FOUR years it was a sin (I don't think it is a sin at all...but I am just trying to understand your logic after living together already that long why it matters anyway)? Sorry...something sounds fishy here..why did you ever move in together in the first place if you both believe it is a sin and never mind for four years?

 

I think he has commitment issues and is using it as an excuse and there are a lot more issues at play here then you are telling us. And I think he does as others have said not want to get married right now and wants to see what is out there.

[OceanEyes]

he want to move out because of religions issues ,we both know and agree that live together without being married is a sin in front of GOD

 

Ooooooookay.

 

If his religious beliefs were that important to him, he would have considered that before he moved in with you in the first place. Have there been other things that you've noticed in him lately, that just don't seem right? Any astounding "revelations" to speak of? I can't just come out and tell you that he's full of it, since I don't know either of you, but his story seems to be full of holes that you will probably spend time agonizing over. He has to be made aware that this is totally unfair to you.

 

Moving backwards in a relationship like this is usually not a good sign, sorry to say. For whatever reason it may be, he wants to live on his own; which means that he wants to separate his life from yours. Is that something that you are prepared to accept after being together for 4 years?

 

I see the same pattern developing here: sit him down and ask him what's really behind his new "holy crusade to purify himself". Obviously, most of us agree that there is more to his story than he's letting on. If I were you, I would [politely] demand the truth; if I didn't get it, I would help him pack his bags.

[Cecelius]

How old is he?

[Yorkrose23]

Sweetie, I'm in that same situation expect I'm on the flip side of the coin.

I did ask my fiance for some space. My reason was because he and I were an "us" for so long that I felt like I was losing myself. And I want the time to rediscover him to make sure we're still together for the right reasons.

Now, granted, your guy's reasons may not be the same.

But it may not be a bad thing. I would sit down just the two of you and discuss things, ask him why he feels the need for space.

Then decide if you are willing to wait.

If you do decide to work things out, I still suggest taking more time for yourselves as individuals.

Good luck.

[dalylove]

we are both 25 years old

[arwen]

If living together is a sin, and you honestly believe that him moving out is because of any sincere religious conviction, why are you so afraid he will cheat on you? Cheating is just as 'sinful' as living together, I suppose?

 

You need to open up to him and ask him. If he is having cold feet and can't honestly commit, it's better to know now before you are in fact married.

 

Ilse

[tea]

How did he suddenly decide that it's a sin after 4 years? Did he think it's not a sin before you moved in together?

 

... to carry that out further... isn't pre-marital sex a sin too?

 

 

somehow I don't feel like he's telling the whole truth.

[dalylove]

i thank you for reading and answering me... but there is so much questions and so many answers to this situation and only time will reveal the reel reasons of his decision, i decided not to be worry anymore about him cheating on me because he is living somewhere else,a man can be living with you and cheat properly on you...

i will juste take easy and leave the furture to GOD,I BELIEVE THAT NO MATTER WHAT ITS GOING ON IN MY LIFE ,GOD WILL BRINGS OUT OF A BAD SITUATION SOMETHING GOOD... he deciding to live somwhere else now after 4 years is GOD'S WILL...maybe this living apart situation will make us or break us,ALL IS IN GOD 'S HANDS...

thank you all and GOD bless you all