for all dumpees..

[emma34]

Here is my opinion to all of the people who have been dumped. As I have been the dumper, I haev found this extremely frustrting the way my ex acts.

 

1) The dumpee must realize, that if they wanted you back, they would tell you. Do not take little things, like being nice, as a sign they want you back.

 

2) The dumper often feels guilty and selfish for breaking up with someone. thereforeeee another reaosn they may be nice to you.

 

3) Do not punish yourself, or focus on your faults. They dumped you because they were the first one to realize you weren't right for eachother. You would have eventually figured it out.

 

4) Don't make it harder on yourself by pleading for a 'friendship' relationship you know you could never handle.

 

5) Do not involve friends in trying to get the person back (hense my ex asked my best friend to convince me to go back out with him for a hundred dollars...)

 

6) There is a time and place to cry and grieve. Don't act pathetic. Although you may be in alot of pain, share that with your friends, etc.

don't bother letting them know how much pain you are in long after the break up.

 

7) Know that if they broke up with you because of a something serious in your life, don't change it to get them back, change it for you.

 

 

That's all I can think of right now... any thoughts?

[emma34]

8) Realize that you can't just stop loving someone. Just because they broke up with you, doesn't mean they can't be feeling just as much pain. remember - they purposely put someone whom they care very deeply about in a lot of pain... that hurts (guilt)

[lagsalot]

All very good points..

[Soulfully]

Some good valid points.

 

Hopefully you´ll be able to apply these points when the person you might have thought was the one... the one you shared love, intimacy, passion, tenderness and care goes around and dumps you, and leaves your vulnerable heart in pieces. Not pleasant, yet inevitable in life. Perhaps you have been dumped before... i dont know, but it is easy to say from the dumpers point of view. Be on the other side with someone you have spent years of love, care, happiness, company, and we´ll see how easy it is to think clearly with the brain of reason, and not the emotional brain.

 

Good points though, I can see it from the dumpers view as well, been there too. U feel a little frustated? Well... learn to live with it for a while. Whether u broke up with him unintentionally (hopefully) or intentionally (cos there are some selfish people around), u still broke his heart. He's suffering right?... well... a little frustation is just a little price you´ll have to pay. Yes, pestering the ex gets the dumpee no where obviously, but hey... everybody's human. We all make mistakes.

 

Ahhh... the adventures of love... beautiful melancholy!

 

Peace.

[michelemybell]

Very good points indeed Emma.

 

One point I need to make to a dumper:

--Think twice about dumping, and don't try to come back when you found that the grass wasn't greener somewhere else!! You might just find that your ex is doing much better without you, looks and feels fantastic, and doesnt want you anymore! So, if you decide to come back---expect to be rejected!! And if the dumpee takes you back, he/she still has it in the back of their mind that you put them in 2nd place at one time and will most likely get even somewhere down the line.

 

Hehe----That's exactly what happened with me and my ex.

[emma34]

good for you.. hehe.

[Scout]

Emma, this is solid gold advice. It's hard for many of us to accept statements like this, but the majority of the time, I'm afraid these points are 100% accurate.

[brokenheartednow]

All the results that come with dumping/being dumped makes me never want to get in a relationship again!

 

Wouldn't it be great if humans were like penguins and found one mate they stayed with for the rest of their lives?

[lighthouse]

I understand the part of being nice a sign of not wanting you, but what about flirting?

[emma34]

my advice is to ignore the flirting. I stand by 'if they wanted you back to they would tell you'. If they are flirting with you, to me, that seems like they are using you for the affection they crave even after the break up. Do you think that's possible?

[Phoenix Down]

I understand the part of being nice a sign of not wanting you, but what about flirting?

 

What if there just not them selves, like quiet and when ever you speak to them they have a short quick tone and dont really look at you? Nothing was wrong, not mad at each other, I think it was because she herd I was with another girl. But she left me. Is this a good thing or nothing?

[emma34]

Likely because they don't know HOW to act in the situation. For some people it's easy to just be friendly and keep and ex as a polite aquaintance but mainly people don't know how to deal with the ex...in this case i believe she is probably waiting for you to say something that will start her emotions. i don't know what. Sounds like me. But in any case I wouldn't let it bother you too much. If she has something she really needs to say she will say it.

[eleanorrigby1]

I think also, sometimes people just break up with you because it isnt there.

 

I have done this, I have suddenly looked at the person I thought I loved and thought "oh my god, I feel nothing" I have been in the shower getting ready to go out with my boyfriend and felt like its the last thing in the world I want to do.

 

sometimes, you arent meant for each other and it doesnt mean you have done something wrong, or that you arent good enough.

[redandblack]

Love's not a feeling, it's an action. They can say they love you a million times, but if their actions don't show it, forget them.