brokenheartednow

My ex is seeing someone else as well. I found out we were broken up when I called him and he told me to move on and see other ppl since he is already. That really sucked. It's been six weeks now that they've been together, we've had NC for four weeks and all I can do is hope he'll come to his senses and call me. I must be dreaming though. Do you think there is any hope to get your ex back if they are already seeing someone else? I've never tried to get someone back who's already moved on to another person...

Hi Guys, I saw my ex about six weeks ago and things were going ok. When I got back from the visit we had an argument and didn't talk for two weeks. When I finally called him (I was mad) he said we were broken up and that he was seeing someone new for the past two weeks. That's how I found out we were broken up. We basically argued for a few days, me trying to convince him to come back to me, he told me that he loved me and wished he could be with me but that she was there (in the same town) and she wanted him to love her, he really liked her, her kids loved him, etc. He told me not to call him anymore b/c it pissed her off and that he'd call me if he wanted to talk. He hasn't called me for four weeks now. I emailed him once and I know he read it but he didn't respond. I called him once but he didn't pick up and I didn't leave him a message. I know this girl really likes him and wants to marry him and have his child (supposedly she told him this w/in the first two weeks of them being together) and he's practically moved in with her and her kids. I kinda am thinking maybe they were seeing each other b/f I even went out to visit him six weeks ago?? Previous to this, we've been together for three and a half years, had broken up a few times, but the longest we didn't talk was for a month and he's never actually shacked up with someone else. I still love him and want to be with him but I'm pissed as hell and grossed out he'd choose someone like that to be with. Do you guys think he'll ever call me? I'm trying to do NC. I get really sad when I think about him never wanting to be with me again even though I should really be mad. Thanks for reading.

Hi There, I can totally relate to you. I know you are happy she is finally calling you and you don't want to push her away or piss her off b/c you are afraid that you'll never get back together with her again. But she's totally being unreasonable by expecting you to talk this out with her to make HER feel better when she is the one that dicked you over and has a new b/f. You aren't the one with the new g/f, you aren't the one that broke it off! Ideally, you should tell her to call you when she figures it out and she's single and MAYBE you'll be there, willing, and free as well. But while she's still involved with this other dude and she's confused about you and him, she needs to get her sh*t together and call you when she's figured it out instead of wounding you (breaking up with you) and throwing salt on it (calling you and disrupting your peace of mind). But I know that the heart and the head wants very different things so I'm not going to tell you to do this. Instead try to make every effort you can to stay detached from the situation. Try not to get your hopes up everytime she calls you. If you do talk to her, try and stay neutral and not let it get to you. Good Luck.

Trust me, the longer you stay with this psycho, the harder it will be to leave him. He will try to isolate you from your family and friends until all you have is him. He will continue to use you as long as you let him. He sounds like a freeloader with low self-esteem and jealousy issues, typical behavior of an abuser. Believe me, it's only been six months and if you wait another six months it will be that much harder to shake yourself of him. Tell him that you don't feel the same way anymore, make up some b.s. about feeling guilty for having sex since it is against your religion. Tell him it's against your morals to live together in sin b/f marriage and that you are too young to marry. If he gets violent or aggressive, wait til he leaves, put all his stuff outside and get a restraining order against him. I know it's hard but in the long run you'll be kicking yourself if you allow him to waste more of your time/energy/money/chances to meet someone worthwhile w/out all these issues.

I can only speak from experience. I had a b/f in HS for a year and a half that I really cared for and loved. We broke up when he started going to college (I'm a year younger) and stopped talking. Five months later we start talking and we end up back together. We just weren't feeling it anymore, couldn't get along so we broke up again for good. I was pissed and hurt, he found a new g/f. I ended up with a new b/f. We didn't talk at all for four years (had mutual friends from back home but always made it a point not to see each other), now eight years later we're friends again and talk about once a month. Strictly friends, nothing else so I guess it all turned out for the best. I have another story though. My ex's parents story. They met when she was 14 and he was 21 I think. He played in her older brother's band and ended up moving into her house for a while. They started going out a few years later, he ended up moving back to his home state and breaking it off with her for maybe 9 months. She was brokenhearted, finally he called her and told her to move where he was, he loved her and wanted to marry her. She did and they married, had kids. They separated again 15 years later but reunited again 8 years later realizing they were each other's true loves. Sadly shortly thereafter he passed. I guess it's a story of losing and finding the one that completes you. I do believe that true love never dies, somehow it always finds a way of connecting again.

Hi there, I'm glad you are sure of yourself and won't take him back. I think this girl called him back up b/c her and her b/f just broke up and she always thought he would be her fall back guy and if he broke up with you to try and even entertain that thought, he's in for a ride. I doubt she really cares about him so if they have any involvement it'll be short-lived and she'll probably kick him to the curb again like she did just a few years ago. Maybe when her ex comes back a-calling. I know the curiosity will be there for you. I'd want to know why as well.

Thanks for all the advice guys. My therapist recommended I go to an Al-Anon group so I went for the first time tonight. It was an interesting experience, I think I'd go again. Today is the 19th day of NC so I'm just ticking off the days. The longest we've ever gone with NC is a month and I was the one who broke it b/c I was drunk and sad. I'm looking forward to the new year, perhaps a fresh start. I know once I get past the milestones, it will be easier. There's Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, my birthday, his birthday and then that's it! I should be cured of this affliction. I'm hoping that when/if he does finally call me (when she finally fleeces him of the little money he has and/or gets pregnant), I'll be strong enough to tell him to march straight back to her cuz I don't want him! Thanks again guys.

All the results that come with dumping/being dumped makes me never want to get in a relationship again! Wouldn't it be great if humans were like penguins and found one mate they stayed with for the rest of their lives?

That's a very good valid question. Yes, I've gotten tested many a time. He's said he always used a condom when he's cheated on me. Not a very good guarantee...I agree. My therapist thinks he's an addict: sex addict, substance abuse addict, etc. My mother thinks he's emotionally abusive. I think I've been in this for so long and wanted it to work out so badly that each time I gave an inch, he took a foot. Each time boundaries were set, he'd break them and I wouldn't leave. He began to think that he could do whatever he wanted and I still wouldn't leave. Now he's left me and told me to move on and I'm still waiting. So yes, there is a serious problem with me.

Isn't that interesting? He's managed to turn and point the finger in your direction saying "you left me!" Didn't he think about blame when he decided to have an affair? Somehow he's managed to forget all about his own faults and failures and attribute the dissolution of your marriage to you and you alone. I think it's great that you are in counseling. Only there will you be able to sound off on what has happened and get feedback from an objective unbiased professional opinion. Family and friends can only say and see so much in a fair manner however well meaning. Keep your chin up, I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm two weeks and counting in my NC with my ex and trying therapy as well.

Hi everyone, I've been turning this situation over and over in my head but finding no solution. Perhaps you friendly readers can give me an objective view. Please be warned my story is going to sound very Jerry Springerish I know... I had been going out with my ex for three and a half years, all long distance but we'd see each other on most weekends unless he went away since he was in the military. A year into our relationship he cheated on me with a prostitute. I'm certainly not proud of it, but shortly thereafter I ended up cheating on him with a friend of mine and continued to hook up with him a few times. We both told each other about our infidelities but I didn't tell him the whole story b/c he became very violent (not towards me but punching walls etc) and aggressive. After that, I never told him the extent of my infidelity but always wanted to but was scared of the outcome. For the next two and a half years, I was faithful to him but he cheated on me a few more time with more prostitutes. Throughout this all, he was abusing various drugs/had depression problem etc. I tried to get us into counseling but he didn't want to go and would somehow sabotage my efforts. He finally got booted from the military for drugs and moved back home. He went through rehab and stayed clean for ten months. We broke up for a month over a fight about a girl I thought he was hooking up with. During this time, I believe he messed around with at least one person that he told me about. I hooked up again one more time with my old friend from before but when my ex and I got back together I didn't tell him about it. My ex moved to a different state and began to go to school. Four months ago he started working at a place where a girl had a crush on him. I saw him four weeks ago and everything seemed to be going well, however I found out he was smoking and drinking again. While he was drunk he began to tell me about this girl at work and how she gave him her number and told him to come to her place for dinner. I was pissed. I didn't mention it until I came back from visiting him. We had an argument and hung up. Normally he'd call me every single night, but didn't call me for two weeks. Finally I called him and he was really mean and told me to move on and that we were broken up. He said that he could be really mean if he wanted to. I told him to not hold back and he said that he was seeing someone else and sleeping with them. My body went cold and into shock, I blurted out that if we were being honest with each other I might as well tell him the whole story about my infidelity. I told him about my friend (we don't speak at all anymore) and how it happened a few times way back when and once when we broke up for a month. He was pissed and told me he was seeing his coworker and that she wanted to call me up to tell me I lost my man, blah blah blah. We basically talked here and there throughout the weekend and from our conversations I found out: 1. this girl has two kids from two different dads 2. she said she had her first child on purpose to trick the baby's father into marrying her 3. she's still married to her first child's father b/c she can't afford a divorce (which is approximately $250 in that state) 4. she told my ex if he wants to get married/have a kid within a year, she is down for it 5. she has never gone to school and never plans on it 6. she is mean to her kids and tells them to shutup and she's mean to everyone else but nice to him and he knows she's a "good person" that she wants him to "love her" 7. she calls him 24/7 when they aren't at work together 8. she told him to give her his financial aid check to put in her child's saving account b/c he can't "handle his money" 9. she told him to move in with her and if he has too much stuff to sell some of it 10. she told him she doesn't think she'll like his mom b/c she feels like she's judging her for having two kids without even knowing her Basically the list goes on and on and whatever negatives I've stated above are the opposite of me, as far as I know his family loved me, I have an education, no kids, don't want him for his money, let him do whatever he wanted, supported him ALL the time, was kind and considerate to him, AND I have straight teeth! But two weeks ago he told me to stop calling him b/c it's causing problems with her and that he'd call me. I haven't heard from him, he didn't respond to my email and he wouldn't pick up his phone. I'm tempted to fly out to where he is but I'm actually afraid she'd try to kick my butt. I know I need to move on and that our relationship is so jacked anyways but I can't stop obsessing about him with her. I can't figure out why he wants her other than the sex but it totally grosses me out. I'm at the end of my rope, seeing a therapist, and even went to a psychic today that swindled me and told me some b.s. about cleaning his chakras if I charge up my credit cards for her. Hah! Anyways dear readers, I still love him and I want to knock some sense into him. There's been a lot of b.s. throughout our time together but I always believed he was a good loving person who had issues with drug dependency, naivete, and youth. I love him unconditionally, but I won't have him cheating on me and ruining my life. His mom says he'll snap out of it and come to in a few weeks but it has already been that long. I'm afraid he'll never call me. My friends and family think he's a dog and should have been kicked to the curb ages ago. Everyone says he'll call me when he's down and out in a few months but to not take him back. The sick thing is that all I want now if for him to call me. I guess I always believed that he did jacked up things but that he did love me. What do you guys think will happen? Thanks for reading this long, damn near a novel...