Threats of suicide if I leave...

[HoneyBea]

I have been in a very bad relationship for most of my adult life, starting from the age of 14 and spanning 8 years from there.

He has cheated on me several times, beat me up, neglected me and done literally everything a bad boyfriend could do.

He has never had a job, has no ambition in life and has been a drug dealer for years.

I have not been brought up to be in such situations and my family hate him. I come from a good hard working family, have had a job since the age of 14, run my own car and have my own responsibilities.

At 25 the only responsibility he has is to clean his own room and yet even that is a challenge!

6 Months ago I decided enough was enough and left him, that night he went to our local park and tried to hang himself. Emergency services found him, it was a failed attempt. This scared the life out of me and I stayed with him, at the time I thought he must really love me to do such a thing.

Since that split he told me that he contemplated throwing hot acid in my face or getting someone else to do so, only after a discussion with one of his friends they persuaded him not to go through with it.

I have now come to the end of my tether and cannot handle this relationship anymore. I want to have a bright future, not one shadowed with crime, drugs and money, I refuse to bring children into a world like that and I very much want a family of my own.

Since I broke the news to him, the phone calls and texts havent stopped, he has been breaking down on the phone to me and his family saying he is going to kill himself. Saying he wants to slit his wrists and bleed to death. I do have deep feelings for this man but I know I deserve much better and can not spend the rest of my life with someone like him.

What do I do?! He has held me prisoner for long enough and I need to escape before its too late

[lerenard]

Gosh, this sounds so familiar to me... I know exactly how you feel. I had a very abusive drug-addicted bf in young age as well for 3 years, and in the end I couldn't leave because he was threatening me he will kill himself. He never did. He would call me from a bath tub, telling me how he will cut himself, and then living the door open so I can come in when I am there. DON'T BELIEVE HIM. Leave him for good, and make sure you are in a safe place, because he is aggressive drug addicted man!

And you know what - I don't want to sound mean, everybody has its own path, but if he does this - its not your fault. Its his choice, and a very stupid one like many others he made in his life. Sometimes I think I would be SO much more peaceful and calm now, if back then he really did kill himself, because he didn't, he just started hunting me instead, threatening me and my family, turning my life into a horror - I moved to another county to save myself.

[agent1607307371]

Make notes of every call and contact and call the police. Make sure to note that he's made threads of suicide and voilence towards you.

[pippy longstocking]

Make notes of every call and contact and call the police. Make sure to note that he's made threads of suicide and voilence towards you.

 

 

yep and if you are uk then please ring victim support ...they are so good , they helped me .

 

log everything , every move , every call ...

 

don't you dare go back ..not now ...please I have walked your path and you DESERVE A LIFE ..these men destroy us ....if we let them xx I send you much love and healing xxxx

[RedDress]

Make notes of every call and contact and call the police. Make sure to note that he's made threads of suicide and voilence towards you.

 

Definitely.

 

If you are really worried and he says he will kill himself, I'd also send that text to one of his friends or family members. Let them go over and deal with the situation.

 

At the end of the day, you can't stay with someone forever just because they threaten to kill themselves. I agree - it's harsh - but that's his decision to make. He has other choices and options. He should make a smart one, not a stupid one. You can't "control" his stupid decisions and you aren't responsible for them. Quite the opposite - he is trying to guilt and control you. You should really add that to the list of reasons why you want to leave...

[Kendahke]

Making a threat to throw acid in your face or getting someone else to do it is him making a terroristic threat and you should have immediately gone to the police with that. You have a witness in the friend who had to talk him out of it, so it's not your word against his.

 

You need to go get a restraining order sworn out on him and keep going to the police to build a case on him.

 

Where is your family? Where are you friends? Investigate the social services in your area to find where domestic violence victims go to get help.

[SooSad33]

He is very needy. he doesn't realize he doesnt 'need' you- he needs some prof help.

 

You certainly dont need any of this and is good idea you're moving on and taking care of you now. very good!

you may also want some counselling after living with that?

[Coily]

You need to cut him out completely from your life, in addition to the restraining orders and logging; change your number, block account access, change some habits (such as what coffee shops you go to), and take some self protection classes. This sob is nothing but trouble, and I've seen what it can do to good people.

 

I'll tell you a story of a friend of mine back in HS. Elle lets call her dated Jason for about 4 years, she was bright and pretty but got socially pressured into dating Jason since he was "cool." When he started dealing drugs in front of her she started losing the stars, but he was "good" to her and she was attached. Me the classmate, and let's be honest the kid who didn't care about social circles, saw that she was changing into someone withdrawn and cold and brought it up often to her. It was about 3 months before graduation she decided to end it she had enough of giving him rides to make his deals, and being treated like crap in exchange for hollow words.

He started threatening suicide and her, and her family, so she got back with him for about a month and ended it again; and he made the threats again. I and a few others talked her out of going back, later that week he shot himself in the shoulder with a small caliber rifle while on the phone with her. Luckily she knew her firearms and realized it was a lie about his suicide attempt. Elle never looked back and five years later got married to a good man, now they have a nice little girl and living well. Jason subsequently died in a drug deal gone wrong.

 

Just telling you this because nothing good comes of creeps like that.

[HoneyBea]

Thank you everyone for your replies, they are very helpful

I have nearly lost my friends and family through being with this guy, I dont know why its taken so long to wake up and realise!

Ill note down calls, texts and anything else he does to try and contact me.

Youve made me feel alot better x x x