Soooooo typical

[Cherry009]

Well i have had the worst luck meeting guys most of my dating life, always met either guys on the rebound or emotionally unavailable guys. I took a long break from dating, just recently my curiosity got the better of me and i signed back onto my dating profile (which i previously had hidden) within a few days a lovely guy emailed me, we have been out a few times and he is just so lovely and we get on sooo well, i know it is early days but i see this turning into something pretty amazing (i amwell aware that it might not, but it just feels so right at the moment) he has told me he likes me and his actions have shown me that he really likes me, i also like him a lot.

 

So here is my dilema.....i am going travelling early next year for 6 months, i mentioned it on our first date but didn't talk about it in detail (e.g when and for how long) i just don't know what to do, i don't want to lose him but i also want to have the time of my life and not worry about it while i am away. It seems to early to ask him if he will wait for me while i am away, and i'm not sure if it's fair to ask that of him anyway? Is it too early to be worrying about this? anything could happen between now and next year, but i feel i should talk about it to him soon incase our feelings get stronger for each other, which i feel they will as he is on my mind all the time. Perhaps i shouldn't say any of these concerns to him until exclusivity is approacing. Achhhh i am so torn emotionally now, i can't fully enjoy what i have with him as being away for 6 months is on my mind too. But then part of me thinks 6 months is nothing in a whole life time.... argh as u can probably tell my mind is all over the place!!

 

Can anyone give me advice/been in the same situation?

 

We have met up twice and been talking for about a month, i know its v early days with him but i have not met such a nice guy for ages, or ever infact!!

[trolleycar]

Hi Cherry009

Can I ask you a question or two?

How long will it be that you have before you have before you are going to leave on your six month trip?

And how far the home will you be traveling? Also is this trip for school or work? If thr trip in not for school or work could move the trip later in the year? If you have six months or more until you leave you would have a very good idea how the two of you feel about each other. And in that time you will have a good idea where the two of you are headed. Now I do not have any have idea Of how you feel about asking him to travel with you on your trip. I know that some folks would be just horrified at such an idea and others would take it with a grain of salt. . If it was me I would lean more to the Romantic route. In fact I have gone the route myself. the Girl I am going to marry is from the UK and I have been to see she and she and her daughter have been to the states to see me. Each time we have stayed at the others home for a month. And her daughter now calls me dad. her birth father was killed in a auto accident.

As I said if you think man could be the person the god meant for you I would not let him get way.

That was the way is was for me . I know in less then one day my girl friend was put where we met to be with me and we were going to go from two single people to be one unit of two for the rest of time . well I think I should one unit of three I can not forget her daughter.

In fact her daughter got me aside when her mom was making dinner and ask me i did I love her mom? In I said yes. then she asked me was I going to marry her mom. I think I said Yes and just as I closed my month she took off the tell her mom that I wanted to marry her. Then angle came back into the living room and ask if she could call me dad. And I also said Yes to that. What got me was the small on the face. Sorry for going off track with my Romance. But I always lean to the Romantic side.

[Cherry009]

Thank you for your reply, i am going in about 5 months, so i guess we will have a good idea of how we feel by that point. I am going with a friend for leisure, we have been talking about it about a year and just recently booked our tickets, definitely cant move the trip, that wouldnt be fair on my friend and i dont think i could ask him to come with me, my friend wouldnt be too happy about that and he has a job/morgage to pay etc, i guess he could come and visit for a week or two somewhere.

 

It is just my luck that i meet someone so lovely and i am going away, i guess it could be worse, i could be going next week or something!

 

Does anyone else have any advice on what i should say or do? I am thinking at the moment, to just not mention anything more about it until we have discussed exclusivity and then see what he thinks about the trip.

[Cherry009]

no one?

[ThatwasThen]

I wonder why you'd bother logging back onto your dating site when you knew that you'd be leaving for six months? Is there some fear of commitment there and so you do this when you know that committement wouldn't be easy?

 

Anyway, as you said its very early but if he want to continue on with you casually, then I suspect he will. Personally, I think it would be a mistake for either of you to take this seriously until you're trip is over. Me? I would have waited until I got back or I would have made it clear that its just casual dating as I'm off on a life adventure in 5 months and I'll be gone for six. (but that's just me, apparently your mileage varies) Expecting celebacy for six months while he barely knows you and you he seems somewhat whack to me.

 

It is just my luck that i meet someone so lovely and i am going away, i guess it could be worse, i could be going next week or something!

It would be much better for your dating/timing if you were leaving in a week. Then you'd not have to surmise, project, worry, wonder, hope, before you've even had a third date...

[NorthDallas40]

If it were me, I'd continue seeing the person to see how it goes. I'd mention the vacation in passing just so they didn't forget it was coming up, but I wouldn't say anything about "us" in the longterm.

 

Why?

 

BECAUSE YOU'VE ONLY BEEN ON A FEW DATES!

 

Talking about a LTR at this phase is way too early.

 

Enjoy the time together for a few months and see what happens. And if you're still dating seriously in 3 or 4 months, discuss it then.

[NorthDallas40]

Personally, I think it would be a mistake for either of you to take this seriously until you're trip is over. Me? I would have waited until I got back or I would have made it clear that its just casual dating as I'm off on a life adventure in 5 months and I'll be gone for six. (but that's just me, apparently your mileage varies) Expecting celebacy for six months while he barely knows you and you he seems somewhat whack to me.

 

I agree with this as well.

[Justnotsure]

I didn't go somewhere for 6 months, but I did put a dating profile back right before a 2 international month trip. It was summer and I felt like getting out and having fun (which, is what dating can be - doesn't have to be serious!) I wound up meeting someone who I really connected with -- only about 3 weeks before my trip. I planned on being "free" during the trip - had been looking forward to the adventure for months.

 

Guess what? I committed to the guy pre-trip because it was just THAT good, and now -- over a year later, he is still my boyfriend and we live together. I had a fun 2 months in Europe, still did everything I wanted, and fell in love with him over phone/email.

 

Point being, if the connection is real - you'll figure it out. If not, no sense not having some fun in the meantime.

[Cherry009]

I wonder why you'd bother logging back onto your dating site when you knew that you'd be leaving for six months? Is there some fear of commitment there and so you do this when you know that committement wouldn't be easy?

 

Anyway, as you said its very early but if he want to continue on with you casually, then I suspect he will. Personally, I think it would be a mistake for either of you to take this seriously until you're trip is over. Me? I would have waited until I got back or I would have made it clear that its just casual dating as I'm off on a life adventure in 5 months and I'll be gone for six. (but that's just me, apparently your mileage varies) Expecting celebacy for six months while he barely knows you and you he seems somewhat whack to me)

 

I went back on because i have been single for about year and felt like a bit of casual dating, at the time i went back on i still had 6 months until my travels, i guess i was in the mood to just have a few harmless dates, i didn't expect to find some i feel i connect really well with. Yeah i know it's only been two dates but we have spoken a lot and it just feels right.

 

well the celebacy i never really thought of but if things progress until i go then we wont barely know each other by the time i go.

[Cherry009]

If it were me, I'd continue seeing the person to see how it goes. I'd mention the vacation in passing just so they didn't forget it was coming up, but I wouldn't say anything about "us" in the longterm.

 

Why?

 

BECAUSE YOU'VE ONLY BEEN ON A FEW DATES!

 

Talking about a LTR at this phase is way too early.

 

Enjoy the time together for a few months and see what happens. And if you're still dating seriously in 3 or 4 months, discuss it then.

 

Yeah i think you are right, i am probably worrying about stuff to early!

[Cherry009]

Yeah this is why i went back on, for some harmless casual dating! Thats great that you two got through your time away and are still happy together i guess 6 months is a lot longer than 2 months though!

 

I guess whatever is meant to be will be, and yeah if there is a connection still there in 5 months then things will work out however they are meant to. I will put off saying anything for a while and just enjoy it for what it is now.

[Batya33]

If I met someone who was looking for a serious relationship I would tell that person ASAP about long term travel plans.

[Cherry009]

If I met someone who was looking for a serious relationship I would tell that person ASAP about long term travel plans.

 

well its been 2 dates so long term commitment hasn't really been discussed yet. I did mention the travelling on the first date but it hasn't come up again.

[greta96]

Here is what I would do: I would bring up the subject, but in a positive way - be excited about it, tell him where I am planning to go and how I'm looking forward to the adventure. I would not even mention stuff like "bad timing for us", "will you wait for me", and so on, because it's too early to seek this kind of reassurance.

He knows this trip had been planned before the two of you even met, so he won't think anything bad about it.

Let it be his decision whether he wants to still pursue the relationship and wait for you, or if he wants to keep it casual, or end it altogether. If he really likes you and sees a future with you, I'm sure he'll wait. If not, chances are he wasn't going to stick around anyway. I'm pretty sure that 6 month of celibacy never killed anybody, so if he is seriously interested in you, he will tell you himself, closer to the trip, that he is going to be waiting for you to return.

[Batya33]

I think the celibacy is the least of it -it's foregoing opportunities to date based on someone you've only dated for a few months especially if you're looking for a serious relationship.

[greta96]

IMO 5-6 months is long enough for him to figure out how he feels about her, and if he sees a future with her. If by then he still hasn't figured it out, then there are bigger problems there than her going away...

[Cherry009]

Thank you this makes me feel a little better!

[Cherry009]

I think the celibacy is the least of it -it's foregoing opportunities to date based on someone you've only dated for a few months especially if you're looking for a serious relationship.

 

but its not like job hunting, it depends on peoples feelings.

[Batya33]

but its not like job hunting, it depends on peoples feelings.

 

No, it's not like job hunting in the least. I was giving my general opinion on what typically happens in only a few months. Some people get married after a few months of dating, but most people, after only a few months of dating, aren't ready to make a long term commitment especially if one person is then going away for a longer time than they've known each other. And you are right about feelings -so perhaps take his feelings into consideration and tell him about your plans pretty soon.

[Cherry009]

No, it's not like job hunting in the least. I was giving my general opinion on what typically happens in only a few months. Some people get married after a few months of dating, but most people, after only a few months of dating, aren't ready to make a long term commitment especially if one person is then going away for a longer time than they've known each other. And you are right about feelings -so perhaps take his feelings into consideration and tell him about your plans pretty soon.

 

yes very true, well if it is meant to be it will be and if its not meant to be then it wont happen, thats the way i am trying to look at it. Yes i he knows i am going travelling but i haven't discussed it in detail with him. I am going to soon when the moment is right.

[ThatwasThen]

I think he'll continue to see you but he won't commit. I think many men (most?) won't even consider how serious they are until they've been sexually intimate. So, I'm thinking realistically in my "guessing" and I guess that he will continue to date others while he dates you. If he has options, then he will exercise them. I think you should probable do the same so that you don't fall for him before he's clearly showing he's fallen for you.

 

Has he asked you out on date #3 yet?

[Cherry009]

I think he'll continue to see you but he won't commit. I think many men (most?) won't even consider how serious they are until they've been sexually intimate. So, I'm thinking realistically in my "guessing" and I guess that he will continue to date others while he dates you. If he has options, then he will exercise them. I think you should probable do the same so that you don't fall for him before he's clearly showing he's fallen for you.

 

Has he asked you out on date #3 yet?

 

yeah we are meeting up next week.

 

i am going to try not to get my hopes up, i feel i cant get too excited about things at this point as he may not want to bother with me long term

[Batya33]

yes very true, well if it is meant to be it will be and if its not meant to be then it wont happen, thats the way i am trying to look at it. Yes i he knows i am going travelling but i haven't discussed it in detail with him. I am going to soon when the moment is right.

 

Sure, you can have the fate mindset if it suits you. I'm glad you told him you will be travelling.

[aw4919]

He will wait if it's worth it to him, or he won't and you can forgive him by having lots of wild escapades while you're away and then reconnect for a serious relationship when you get back . That was only sort-of a joke, really. My ex-boyfriend joined the Peace Corps before I met him, and after about 5 or 6 months, we were physically apart for two years. And we did it wonderfully. Things really fell apart fast when he came home, but the time apart was cake. Six months isn't a life time. Enjoy every moment you have with him, and every moment you have on your trip. These things have a habit of working out for the best on their own.

[Cherry009]

He will wait if it's worth it to him, or he won't and you can forgive him by having lots of wild escapades while you're away and then reconnect for a serious relationship when you get back . That was only sort-of a joke, really. My ex-boyfriend joined the Peace Corps before I met him, and after about 5 or 6 months, we were physically apart for two years. And we did it wonderfully. Things really fell apart fast when he came home, but the time apart was cake. Six months isn't a life time. Enjoy every moment you have with him, and every moment you have on your trip. These things have a habit of working out for the best on their own.

 

Thank you wow 2 years is a long time! If u dont mind me asking- why did it fall apart when he got back?