Am I better off to just move on now?

[Wizardwoman]

A few months ago I started dating this guy. First time I have been in a relationship in a year because I had been getting over being dumped by the love of my life. Things were going very well I thought, and it seemed he felt the same. At times I felt he was even more into me than I was to him.

 

We ended up going out to the river with some friends and I got really drunk and stoned and on the drive back I was just sitting there thinking and I believe the alcohol and marijuana just made all these emotions of mine come to the surface. I just started feeling like I didnt want to be with him anymore. I guess I was scared because like I said, he is the first person I have had feelings for since my ex. I ended up calmly ending things that afternoon. I regretted it immediately when I sobered up. Then I had to leave town for a trip but we texted here and there and had plans to meet up when I got back.

 

Well I have been back for two weeks now. Lately we have talked about hanging out and he would say things like "cant wait!" and "definitely need to hang soon!". So i thought great, I can talk to him in person and appologize and maybe we can get back together or at least remain good friends. But the last couple days I can tell he is avoiding meeting up with me. It just became kind of obvious, so I texted him "You dont actually plan on ever seeing or speaking to me again do you?". He read the text and did not write back. So I wrote exactly this, "Im sorry if I was pushy about hanging out, I just feel really bad about the way things ended I was drunk out of my mind and never wanted that to happen. I just wanted to see you in person to appologize, I would want the same for any of my friends. If it means anything I really am sorry"....He read it and still no reply.

 

So for now obviously I am not going to keep texting him if he doesnt want to talk to me. I just feel confused because he seemed like he really wanted to meet up and how he definitely thinks we need to hang out and bla bla. I just dont know why he changed his mind like this and its hard being ignored I really care about him and valued his friendship and he wont even give me an hour of his time in person for me to tell him that I am sorry about what happened.

[savignon]

It's hard to re-trust someone who's hurt you. At my age anything that starts/ends with "I was too drunk/high" is a total deal breaker, although since he was with you and participating I'm guessing that's not the case.

Since he's not answering and some time has gone by I'd assume he's moved on and just let it be. It was good of you to apologize and speak your peace regardless. If you put yourself in his shoes there's not much he can say in response. What's done is done.

[ThatwasThen]

really care about him and valued his friendship and he wont even give me an hour of his time in person for me to tell him that I am sorry about what happened.

Well sorry to be so abrupt, but it's not all about You, WizardWoman. You dumped him so he really owes you nothing, including friendship.

 

Leave him alone and he'll likely contact you when he's good and sure you're really scared he isn't thinking about you anymore. Don't wait around for it though because that contact may never come if you're that fickle in general.

 

Just curious but since he's the first guy you THINK you've had feelings for since your ex, why were you afraid of those feelings to the point of not wanting the man that made you feel that way? Something you might want to reflect on until you have the answer.

 

Be well.

[Wizardwoman]

Well sorry to be so abrupt, but it's not all about You, WizardWoman. You dumped him so he really owes you nothing, including friendship.

 

Leave him alone and he'll likely contact you when he's good and sure you're really scared he isn't thinking about you anymore. Don't wait around for it though because that contact may never come if you're that fickle in general.

 

Just curious but since he's the first guy you THINK you've had feelings for since your ex, why were you afraid of those feelings to the point of not wanting the man that made you feel that way? Something you might want to reflect on until you have the answer.

 

Be well.

 

I agree that I messed up, I guess it just hurts to know I hurt him and it is driving me crazy to not be able to appologize to his face. As far as being scared, well I guess because my last break up was so terribly painful for me I did not want to go through that pain again. So I decided to just end it before things got too serious. But now I regret it deeply and I want a chance to explain everything to him, just so he will know how much I care about him and that I was scared, it wasnt because I didnt like him or anything. For now I am leaving it alone, I sent him my apology text and hopefully in a few days he will contact me, not gonna count on it though.

[Wizardwoman]

It's hard to re-trust someone who's hurt you. At my age anything that starts/ends with "I was too drunk/high" is a total deal breaker, although since he was with you and participating I'm guessing that's not the case.

.

 

Haha I do agree with that!! It was kind of a once in a while thing, we aren't drunks or stoners. Which is probably why being in that intoxicated state made me get so emotional. Probably a bad idea, but I am sincerely sorry, would make sure it never happened again, but I don't know if he realizes it.

[Batya33]

I agree that I messed up, I guess it just hurts to know I hurt him and it is driving me crazy to not be able to appologize to his face. As far as being scared, well I guess because my last break up was so terribly painful for me I did not want to go through that pain again. So I decided to just end it before things got too serious. But now I regret it deeply and I want a chance to explain everything to him, just so he will know how much I care about him and that I was scared, it wasnt because I didnt like him or anything. For now I am leaving it alone, I sent him my apology text and hopefully in a few days he will contact me, not gonna count on it though.

 

 

I understand how you feel but it's totally up to him whether he feels comfortable interacting with you again. I was in his shoes once and I decided never to speak to that person again (we had been dating about two months, pretty seriously, he chose to get drunk and treat me poorly on New Year's eve, then blow me off for New Year's Day plans, then tried to apologize, half-heartedly, a few hours later. I wasn't interested in hearing what he had to say -I'd heard plenty).

[Wizardwoman]

I understand how you feel but it's totally up to him whether he feels comfortable interacting with you again. I was in his shoes once and I decided never to speak to that person again (we had been dating about two months, pretty seriously, he chose to get drunk and treat me poorly on New Year's eve, then blow me off for New Year's Day plans, then tried to apologize, half-heartedly, a few hours later. I wasn't interested in hearing what he had to say -I'd heard plenty).

 

Yikes! Im sorry that happened to you. Im not sure I necessarily treated him badly, I told him I felt like we had too many differences and should probably not date anymore. Which I dont even know why I did because we really arent that different at all and I was just scared because things were moving so fast. I guess I learned my lesson, to think about things before I actually say them.