Help!Not sure what to do?!?

[lisa725]

So, I have been talking with a guy and we have been few dates. But he has seemed a little distant lately. He has said he was busy which I am sure he probably was but I did the stupid thing and sent him a text asking if he was getting mine. He said yes but he was busy. I sent him he could just tell me that he was busy instead of ignoring the text and he said it was nothing to get mad about. I apologized, he said we are good but I do not think we are. We do not text like we used to, he is no longer liking every instagram photo,etc. I am crazy about him and want to fix it. He is going to a bluegrass concert this weekend and I was thinking of sending him a text saying have fun. I am not sure if this is a good idea. I want to give him time but I am also afraid that I have lost him. My last relationship was over a year ago and was abusive so I am having trouble getting into this. Help!

[Steve Wolf]

Send the have fun message. No harm done, and it shows you aren't needy and genuinely hope he has a good time.

[lisa725]

I am not sure if he will see that as me being desperate. I do not want to appear that way, I do not want to push him away. If I send it should I be flirty?

[oglez1990]

It depends, are you usually the first to text him? If a girl always texts me first amd/or texts without me replying to the last one, I see that as needy. Not sure about the have fun text, maybe text him asking how it was instead? Gives you a conversation starter instead of a generic 'how are you' text

[offplanet]

I would back off a bit now. You've noticed that he's not acting as keen, so instead of questioning him about it you should take your cue from him and back off accordingly. It's not a good sign that you're 'crazy about him' and he's no longer acting like he's crazy about you. He might still be but he won't be if you hassle him and if you act needy, that will kill it. Things are at a precarious stage if you've only had a few dates and you're now crazy about him. That could scare him off. On the other hand it might be ok still, but be careful. Don't send him texts when you're in doubt. When in doubt it's better to hold off. I think it'd be better not to send that text.

[lisa725]

I mean we were talking about my car and I figured out what was an issue. This was after the bad 'text'. I could tell him that I just feel it is not like it used to be.

[greta96]

I mean we were talking about my car and I figured out what was an issue. This was after the bad 'text'. I could tell him that I just feel it is not like it used to be.

 

Nooo, that's the worst thing to say, and the best way to send him running! He will see you as needy and clingy(he already probably does after that text), and guys tend to stay away from women like that.

 

Personally I wouldn't send anything, wait for him to contact you. It seems like his interest in pursuing this any further is dwindling, and if this is the case, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. Let him be, and if he is still interested, he will contact you.

[lisa725]

I won't text now. It is so hard to stay away from him. It is like an addiction. Should I text him after his concert weekend or not at all?

[mhowe]

Leave him alone. He is busy, you are dating --- not in a relationship. If you keep sending texts that he doesn't respond to, and then send him texts asking if he got them, and then send texts saying you are sorry you are texting too much --- you will drive him away.

 

Live your life. When he calls/texts you, you can respond. Once. It's like tennis --- if you hit the ball over the net, you have to wait for it to be returned before you can hit it again.

[lisa725]

So I found out why he stopped. He has been seeing another girl the whole time. I know it was not serious but nothing like being used.

[Ms Darcy]

Not surprised he is seeing someone else. He didn't seem that interested. Were you exclusive? If not I don't think you got used.

[lisa725]

I told him that when I am talking to a guy,he is the only one because I do not like to lead people on.

[Thorshammer]

I was going to post that he was most likely seeing someone. The tell-tale sign was him not liking your photos anymore - in my experience that doesnt match up with being busy, all his actions was him closing shop pretty much.

 

Dont worry about, this happens often, its just that many of us are never aware of it.

[mhowe]

I told him that when I am talking to a guy,he is the only one because I do not like to lead people on.

 

Just because that is your rule doesn't make it everyone elses' rule.

[Ms Darcy]

Ah, so you weren't exclusive. Yeah, if you want exclusivity, ask for it. If he says no, then you can walk away.

[potd2009]

Just because that is your rule doesn't make it everyone elses' rule.

 

Agree with this. You didn't get used.

[Batya33]

So I found out why he stopped. He has been seeing another girl the whole time. I know it was not serious but nothing like being used.

 

How did he "use" you? Did he promise that you two were exclusive? Edited to add that I read the rest of the posts - it's fine if you want to share what your personal standards are when you're dating but it takes two to agree to be exclusive.