My Biggest Fear/Insecuriy in Dating - Looks

[radiohead20]

My Biggest Fear in my dating life is this:

 

My looks are going to prevent me from attracting girls that I am attracted too.

 

Background on myself: I am a fun, outgoing, confident guy and have no problem talking to women and no problem making a move. Problem is, girls that I am attracted to do not seem to respond in a sexual manner (flirting, interest) to me, or they respond but hold back. Problem is - I know this is going to sound funny to most of you people on the board and most of you are going to immediately tell me I am blowing things out of proportion - but I do not have any masculine qualities about me, physically, and I believe that this is the problem. To sum it up, its not that I am bad looking, its that I do not have any physically masculine qualities about myself, and in fact look so unmasculine that it is a problem. I believe that this is an essential quality that most women look for in a man. I have an extreme baby face, and I cannot grow facial hair at all. Over the past years I have tried to compensate for this by weight lifting (I visibly look like I lift now) and dressing more maturely but it really hasn't changed my overall appearance much.

 

Ill go out with my friend who is 6 foot and a pretty good looking guy but pretty inhibited/shy. Every night he will end up with girls hitting on him or girls that I talk to will focus their attention on him without him barely saying a word. however in the end he rarely gets anywhere he is pretty shy.

 

I do not go after skinny blondes girls or the top 10% of the female population - I just go after girls that I think are decently fit and cute, which around my age range and the area I live in is most women. Everytime I meet women or a group of women I have no problem talking to them and can usually captivate them and hold their attention, but in the end I feel like they think of me just as the cool, fun guy but not a guy they would actually be with in a dating context.

 

 

What do I do about this? I am starting just think about giving up on dating or maybe focusing less on looks and dating a girl that I do not find that attractive physically but I connect with. Looks fade after all.

[Edmund Exley]

I would disagree that you are confident if you are so insecure about your looks and inhibited and shy.

 

That's said, yes looks are important, but girls are more attracted to (in the long term) having someone caring, who makes them laugh, who makes them feel secure, who makes them feel loved and who makes them feel special. Focus on that and building your confidence and the rest will take care of itself.

[radiohead20]

I would disagree that you are confident if you are so insecure about your looks and inhibited and shy.

 

That's said, yes looks are important, but girls are more attracted to (in the long term) having someone caring, who makes them laugh, who makes them feel secure, who makes them feel loved and who makes them feel special. Focus on that and building your confidence and the rest will take care of itself.

 

 

I never said anything about myself being inhibited and shy, I was talking about my friend.

[Edmund Exley]

I never said anything about myself being inhibited and shy, I was talking about my friend.

 

My apologies, I misread. The rest of my advice stands

[kitkat620]

Are you actually asking any of these women out?

 

I would think if the conversation is going good and you feel a connection, the next step would be to ask for her number. Do you?

[radiohead20]

Are you actually asking any of these women out?

 

I would think if the conversation is going good and you feel a connection, the next step would be to ask for her number. Do you?

 

Yeah I do, I have not problem doing that, but most of the time they say they have boyfriends or they don't meet up with me.

[JNapier24]

Haha really?? I'd love to meet some of the women you know. From my

Experience they are just as shallow as many guys.

This line sums it up perfectly, "omega to alpha male because of that dollar bill, when I worked the mailroom I ain't had a shot in hell. I chased this girl for two months and heard sh1t from her, these girls couldn't care less when the chips under...."

Its all about cars and money and places......

[quirky]

Are you sexy?

Being nice and fun is good but sexy/naughty gets a more captivating attention particularly with younger people.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you got a lot of great advice on the last thread on this exact same topic. Did you take any of the advice?

[happpybear]

I have been turned off of hot guys who have no personality, and i have been attracted to not conventionally attractive guys (one guy was disabled due to childhood polio, had a motorized scooter to get around and was quite skinny, but he was an amazing flirt, and had a sexy smile, was a talented artists and brilliant conversationalist...i had a huge crush on him and would have dated him but i was moving hundreds of miles away..true story!)

 

seriously it is all about attitude and personality. if you bathe regularly and dress decently, then don't worry about looks, and focus on building character

[jonny15]

Are you sexy?

Being nice and fun is good but sexy/naughty gets a more captivating attention particularly with younger people.

 

You are asking if he's sexy....If he were "sexy" he wouldn't be on this forum asking these questions.

[radiohead20]

I think you got a lot of great advice on the last thread on this exact same topic. Did you take any of the advice?

 

I did get some decent reasonable advice from the last thread, the problem is that it involved mostly strategies to maintain a relationship with with a girl, not how to attract a girl initially. Most of the stuff (working on characters, good deeds, etc) that people recommended are unfortunately in this day in age not going to initially attract women. One of the things I took from the thread, however, was to maybe work on my "charisma", people mentioned that I needed to create a little more of an edge with my personality and that may help. Actually it helped a little, I ignored women a little more and gave cheeky responses instead of giving into them or letting them know I want to hang out right away. No real intrest though.

 

I also asked some more close female friends if there was anything I could change or anything I am doing wrong.

 

The most honest advice came from 2 girl friends of mine in their mid-20's that have a track record of dating a lot, are very attractive, and go to many social events told me this. "Being that you are a relatively younger guy that hangs around more the young professionals scene, the competition is a little more stiff. Most women that you have pointed you wanted to pursue probably were not ready to settle down or could be more picky and pick a guy that is "above" them just by virtue of the age group they are in. It's not like they were not into you or found you unattractive, its more that there were more attractive and successful men going after them. A girl that is at least "cute" that goes out a lot gets hit on numerous times to the point where she has too many options to choose from and will either go with the cream of the crop or just have paralysis and just have fun with it and not do anything serious. Unfortunately this leaves most men in the dust and confused. They went on to tell me I was about an "average" looking guy and that I may be hitting on women that are more superficial and need to maybe meet women in different environments.

 

 

Since I have just kept "plugging away" and trying. Approaching girls, asking for numbers, trying to set up dates. I have yet to get a date since my last thread (2-3 months ago).

[Heather Dawn]

I'm going to be 100% honest here and say what no one else has, yet - you need to butch up.

 

If you think of masculinity as a spectrum, men all fall somewhere between Extremely Effeminate and Extremely Masculine. I would say that most women are going to be attracted to men who are somewhere between the Neutral middle and the Extremely Masculine side, with fewer women choosing men on the Neutral to Extremely Effeminate side. So if you are saying that you're more on the effeminate side of things, then in all likelihood, you're going to have trouble attracting the majority of women - though not all, of course.

 

But here's what I want to know - besides your baby face and inability to grow decent facial hair, what else about you is less than masculine?