Home since Wednesday- Seen eachother 3 hrs total

[lillady898]

My boyfriend who I hadn't seen for 2 months is home from college. He's been home since Wednesday and will be home until Sunday. Since he's gotten home, we've seen eachother for a total of 3 hours.

 

He says that he has a lot of studying to do because he has exams. He said he wants to get a chapter a night finished. I believed it. But yesterday, I went to his house and saw he only had one chapter to do... And 2 days left to stay home. That means he'd be done yesterday, yet he still said that he might not be able to see me today.

 

Then, I called his cell phone late last night and one of his friends answered. He was at a friends house, while he had me thinking we couldn't hang out because he had to "study."

 

It's cool if he wants to hang out with friends and everything. But why is he convering it up? And the amount of time I have spent with him isn't remotely close to the amount of time he has spent with other people.

 

It just hurts to think that the person who claims to love you might be lieing. He claims he lvoes being around me and it feels so good, because I'm like another part of him... Why am I getting so little of his time while he is here?...

 

What's sad is we've been dating a year since the day before T-day, which was when he got home. Of course, he couldn't see me then. What is going on? What should I do?

 

Thanks for your help

[ayekasong]

Hmm... did you guys start dating while in high school? Relationships that started in high school can tend to fall apart when one goes off to college or both parties go different ways.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd give him his space, but ask him what's up with the cover ups... He might have thought you'd be angry that he wanted to hang out with his friends. Or it's possible that he just wants his space. It stinks to catch those we care about in lies.

[arwen]

Why is it so 'of course' he couldn't come to see you on your anniversary? I think this guy has some issues to work on, also regarding your previous posts. You need to talk to him. How long has it been since you saw him the last time (before this one?).

 

Good luck, TALK to him...

 

Ilse.

[Celadon]

He claims he lvoes being around me and it feels so good, because I'm like another part of him... Why am I getting so little of his time while he is here?...

 

Hi Lillady898. I haven't been following your posts, like I guess Ilse has, so I don't have much advice to add to hers. It does sound like a good idea to talk with him.

 

But I wanted to say that your comment about him saying you're "like another part of him" sent up a red flag to me. My ex said that, and what it meant was, he felt he could take me for granted. With other people, he would make the effort to get together with them and expend a lot of energy keeping their friendship, but with me, I tended to get the leftovers. Often, that's a sign of his immaturity, I hate to say...

 

You're right to question why he's not spending more time with you, or bringing you along to be with his friends. Granted, his friend could have spontaneously called him to come hang out, but even so... If your bf knows clearly that you want to spend time with him, then you're right in asking why it's not happening. I told this to someone else on the board ,too -- be careful when a person's words and actions don't line up. Good luck, girl.

[Meow18]

It seems like he's trying to hide something from you. Otherwise he wouldn't feel the need to lie to you about not being able to see you because he has so much studying, but yet he goes out with his friends.

 

Something isn't right with him. Maybe he just wants to see his friends, or maybe he doesn't want to hang out with you. Whatever it is, he needs to be honest about and tell you what he wants.

 

I can't even imagine how upset I would be if my boyfriend this to me. Its got to make you feel horrible. I mean, my boyfriend should hang out with his friends, but it would be a problem if I only saw him for 3 hours total because he was hanging out with his friends all of break, especially when I only see him once a week anyway.

 

You need to call him and ask him to do something with you. If he says that he can't because he needs to study, ask him why he could put his studying off to be with his friends and not you. If he says that he loves to be with you and all that other stuff, then ask him why he puts studying before you when he doesn't even put it before his friends. Ask him everything you want to know because you need to know. You need to tell him how this is making you feel and you are confused as to why he is treating you this way.

[arwen]

I know you have been on the verge of breaking up with him before. He wants you back when you say you want to break up, he behaves well for a while, and then all is back to the same pattern that makes you unhappy and feel unloved.

 

As Ayeka said, people DO change when they start uni/college. Even after uni they will change when they start fulltime jobs, etc.

 

To me it sounds like the two of you are drifting apart a bit, and I don't know if this means the end of it, but I do know that this relationship is making YOU unhappy at this moment.

 

It is very very strange for him not wanting to see you, you should be the top priority on the rare occasions that he is at home. Or at least include you when he spends time with friends.

 

Maybe I am not saying what you want to hear here. I cannot speak for your bf, and I won't deny his love and feelings for you. What is central though, is your expectation of the relationship and how YOU feel happy with someone.

 

Don't hold on to something that already slipped away, it will hurt you even more in the end. Stand up for yourself.

 

Ilse.

[tea]

I think it's very strange that he has no time for you too. You haven't seen each other for so long, if anything he should be knocking on your door the first thing after he gets back. You should talk to him and find out what's going on. If nothing's going on and this is just how he plans on treating you from now on, then you should start thinking for yourself a bit more.

 

When people want something, they make time. If he wants to see you he can study early or study late or sleep a few hours less, but he'll find time for you if he wants to see you.

[lisica]

Hi Lillady898,

 

I did not read your previous posts so I am not very well informed, but nevertheless I am sorry that you are in this situation. What I learned from experience is that women often have a bigger need to spend time with their partner than vice versa. It could be that your bf does not feel the need to be with you for long periods of time, but that does not necessarily mean he does not care about you. In fact, he might not even be aware of your need. In that case, it is up to you to kick his butt until he understands.

 

But make sure to make it clear that it is a need that you have, and that you are asking him to do something about it. That is different from blaming him he did not fulfill that need in the past. Instead of telling him what to do (studying faster, not hanging out with his friends but with you etc.), leave the solution up to him. That is to prevent chasing him away by restricting him, bossing him around etc.

 

If I was in your shoes, I would gather all my courage, go to him or call him, and tell him that you are having doubts about the relationship and that you want to break up --- only to see his reaction! If he acts relieved and tells you he was already thinking about that too, it will suck badly but at least you know where you stand. On the other hand, if he is surprised and asks what's wrong, that's the perfect time to tell him about your need to spend more time together.

 

Good luck,

Lisica.