Is it something about ME? Or do I have the WORST luck?

[memento]

On things that don't involve girls. I think your low self esteem and low confidence is based on your lack of experience with women. You need to do something that doesn't involve girls. You need to stop wasting so much effort on it and live your life.

[blueidealist24]

I'm about 5'6. I've also lost 10 lbs since that video. I know...I think height is a deal breaker to some girls. I really think that's lame.

 

5'6" isn't too short, to me, personally. I know some girls who think it is though (I'm only 5'4" 1/2). Just try to go for shorter girls.

[Dougie_D]

On things that don't involve girls. I think your low self esteem and low confidence is based on your lack of experience with women. You need to do something that doesn't involve girls. You need to stop wasting so much effort on it and live your life.

 

Well you are absolutely correct that not being with a girl and having the skills, status to attract them definitely gives me low self esteem.

 

Are you saying I need to stop being around humanity?

 

I don't just sit around all day and watch porn or browse on online dating sites. I've definitely have given up on dating sites more. My friends on the other hand... that's all HE talks about. But he gets like 2 dates a week.

 

What else am I suppose to do? I work. I play guitar. I'm working on my music label. Doing other music stuff. I go to the movies. I hang with my friends.

 

I see one of my friends maybe 1 time out of the whole week. Most of the time I just stay home by myself when I'm not working.

[memento]

Well changes of any sorts usually happen gradually. you can start a brand new you by foregoing all porn.

[Dougie_D]

Well changes of any sorts usually happen gradually. you can start a brand new you by foregoing all porn.

 

Ok.. that's not too hard. I don't actually need porn to get myself off. I even shut my computer off when I do it! haha! Ok... Too much info.

 

Is that suppose to stop me from wanting to have sex or wanting a girlfriend? Not sure where you are going with this?

[blueidealist24]

On things that don't involve girls. I think your low self esteem and low confidence is based on your lack of experience with women. You need to do something that doesn't involve girls. You need to stop wasting so much effort on it and live your life.

 

That actually makes no sense. If he stops doing things that involve women, then he'll never get any experience even interacting with them! Plus where did all this porn talk come from all of a sudden? Maybe I missed something, but I don't think the OP ever brought up porn?

[memento]

He needs to stop obsessing on getting kissed or laid, it happens organically and he's holding himself back. The porn thing was just a stab in the dark.

[greywolf]

What's wrong with that? I'd take that in a heart beat! I'm just looking for ANY experience wihen it comes to girls. My natural instincts is probably more on the dating side, but if a girl wants to take advantage of me physically and sexually..I'll take it!!!

 

Think about what you've said here. You're just looking for any experience. What girl wants that? A girl doesn't go out and think to herself, "today I'm going to hook up with a guy that just wants any experience."

[greywolf]

Maybe I don't realize that my poor hearing early on really has a negative effect in a social environment.

 

Do you really have poor hearing? Because that can be a huge issue. I've noticed that I can't hear things as well as I used to (it runs in the family), and it actually causes me some social anxiety.

[blueidealist24]

Think about what you've said here. You're just looking for any experience. What girl wants that? A girl doesn't go out and think to herself, "today I'm going to hook up with a guy that just wants any experience."

 

It's the same as an experienced guy thinking, "I just want to go out and get laid. Nothing serious!" Some people accept that..

[Dougie_D]

Do you really have poor hearing? Because that can be a huge issue. I've noticed that I can't hear things as well as I used to (it runs in the family), and it actually causes me some social anxiety.

 

I was a premature baby. Doctors didn't really know what was wrong with me at the time. I wore hearing aids all the way up to like 6th grade before I had an operation. The operation helped so that I didn't need hearing aids anymore. My hearing still fluctuates at times but I think that's part of family genetics, aging, and especially sinus/cold related problems. I'm very cautious of wearing ear plugs.

 

I try to not to think at it too much. I never bring it up. I have really close friends that don't even know my history and are shocked when I tell them. I only get extremely depressed over it when someone says "dude, stop being loud" or "you need to listen more" or even when the conversation is about someone being hard of hearing or deaf. That instantly triggers my emotion about it. It's even worse when someone knows my past and assumes I know sign language. Not all people that have or had hearing aids know sign language.

 

I honestly try not to use that as an excuse to why I can't find a girl or make out, sex, etc... If someone told me straight up "that's the reason" than that would be extremely difficult for me to swallow because I had absolutely no control of it.

 

I went through HELL in elementary school and parts of middle school. There wasn't a day that went by that I wanted to kill myself for being "different". I absolutely HATED the fact that I needed "special care" in class. Even the bus driver made me sit near the front so I wouldn't get picked on. I've even had some people (girls and guys) later in highschool tell me how bad they felt and were very apologetic towards me.

[memento]

I know it's been suggested a million times to you but you need therapy before you should even think about kissing girls.

[Dougie_D]

I know it's been suggested a million times to you but you need therapy before you should even think about kissing girls.

 

I'm not looking to pay money and have some random person discuss my problems all day without a solution. Therapists are not there to help you solve your problem completely. If they did, they would be out of the job. They slow play all day.

 

Most of the time they say "go on..." or ask questions to continue conversation instead of giving suggestons.

 

And you only get like an hour?

[Slimpee]

I'm not looking to pay money and have some random person discuss my problems all day without a solution. Therapists are not there to help you solve your problem completely. If they did, they would be out of the job. They slow play all day.

 

Most of the time they say "go on..." or ask questions to continue conversation instead of giving suggestons.

 

And you only get like an hour?

 

I don't get you, Dougie. You keep asking if your troubles with women are because you're chin is too small, you're not "alpha" enough, you walk funny, whatever. You seem to want a quick fix. You seem to want someone to say "If you just say X, you'll be swimming in ladies." Dude, it doesn't work that way!

 

Many posters, including myself, have said many times that you're not comfortable with yourself and that maybe therapy could help you. Therapy could help you talk through and deal with your past so that you're comfortable with who you are plus the related question of why your social awkwardness is so readily apparently to everyone.

 

But you consistently say that you don't see how therapy can help.

 

Lemme ask you a question, though, how has trying to use the strategies you've used worked for you over the past 17 years or so?

 

Maybe you don't know it all, after all...

 

I think that TRUE change requires introspection which is often painful. It's also not an overnight fix. But man, you will feel confident and emboldened to take on new challenges. You'll wish you had made some true changes a long time ago. You can absolutely do it, though!

 

Time to man up, Dougie!

[Dougie_D]

I honestly like to think that nothing is really wrong with me. That it's O.K to have flaws. But I get extremely depressed when people around me don't see it like that. I've said this before and it's from other people saying it. "At first I thought you were weird but after awhile I think you are a great guy" Every girl I know well says that. I just wish that I can have some sort of physical romance with a woman.

 

I've gone to therapy before. I don't think I need therapy. Talking about it doesn't make sense to me. It's the way I learn. I'm a visual/hands on learner. I know what I need, but I don't know if this help actually exists. If the "therapist" goes out in public with me and observes how I react to certain situations then I can learn on how to fix whatever I'm doing wrong. It could possibly be more about my body language than anything. I don't know.. but having someone in the field with me that's a "professional" would be the best for me. Chit chatting about my life is pointless. It's very HARD to describe situations accurately. I would describe situations how I would perceive things, not exactly how others do.

[Slimpee]

OK that makes sense. And you're definitely right; it's OK to have flaws. In fact, it's simply human.

 

The reason that I think you should go to therapy is because it seems, based on what you say, that you have deeper confidence issues rather than just being kinda awkward at first glance. If i'm mistaken, that's my bad.

[memento]

kissing a girl isn't going to magically solve all your problems.

[Dougie_D]

kissing a girl isn't going to magically solve all your problems.

 

It may not solve my problem as a whole but it's definitely a puzzle piece. It would definitely boost a lot of things in my life. I will feel like I have a meaning to someone in this world. I will feel like the other person is not afraid of me. I will feel like the other person is not judging me, etc...

 

One of my issues is feeling "not wanted" and that probably has to do with how I was treated very early in life. Also, who wouldn't want to experience kissing?

 

I think the best example of kissing is driving. Driving becomes a big deal when you officially get your license. You get that feeling you've grown in your life. Imagine someone that has never taken the wheel before. Constantly sees people driving like it's no big deal. No one has taken the time to let the person drive their car. How do you think that person feels?

[memento]

In that example your a toddler. Toddlers shouldn't be behind the wheel.

[blueidealist24]

In that example your a toddler. Toddlers shouldn't be behind the wheel.

 

So.. people who have no driving experience at 32 or so years of age shouldn't start driving, either? They should just give up on that since they are "toddlers" when it comes to driving?

[memento]

you miss the point and toddler has to grow before he will drive.

[blueidealist24]

you miss the point and toddler has to grow before he will drive.

 

No, I got the point, just didn't agree with it. Why not jump right in? It's not like he has time to spare at 32.

[memento]

No, I got the point, just didn't agree with it. Why not jump right in? It's not like he has time to spare at 32.

 

I know but he's been trying for years. I think the only thing that will help is a lot of therapy. But his idea of therapy is someone going out and showing how to talk to girls.

[greywolf]

I wouldn't say that it's all because of this, but it could be a factor. It doesn't mean that you have absolutely no control over it now though.