Help - dealing with my partners ex boyfriend?

[troutboy]

I have been with my girlfriend now for a year, we were both in relationships when we met, and both left our partners for each other - we get on extremely well and are very very happy - defied the odds I guess. My one issue is that her and her ex are the best of friends, they have contact every couple of days via phone and text message (he lives in another Island now), they catch up for lunch every now and then etc. She says he knows about us - but they agreed not to spell it out to each other when they finally did meet someone else. he is a pilot and once a month flies in for an overnight stop - this time he wants to catch up with her for a drink and I am worried! I soooo want to trust her and she has never given me any doubt not too - but they are just soo close and were together for 4 years - he wanted to sleep on the couch at her place and she said no because she knew it would upset me. She keeps saying I have nothing to worry about, and I have so much more to offer than he ever did - but I keep putting on a brave face and saying I'm fine with them going for a drink when I am not - please help with any suggestions on how I can best deal with their closeness? - I guess I'd like her to spell it out to him about us?[/b]

[sasha12]

I would be worried too if i were in your situation. it sounds to me like your girlfriend can be trusted but on the other hand can you trust him? i don't know, that would be more than I could handle I think. I think he should be staying someplace else and not at her place. i also think you should be very honest with your girlfriend on how you are feeling about this.

[spidartanks]

I would be worried too only because they obviously had sexual relations before and they know eachother is clean and it is not like a one night stand sort of deal.

 

of coarse trust is a concern, im sure u can trust her but can u trust him like mentioned above.

 

talk it to her, put things in perspective: what IF it was your ex girlfriend, how would she feel?

 

 

im on the opposite end of the stick> me and my ex are starting becoming friends although she has a bf (rebound, fast entered relationship)..

What i am doing is trying to get inside seeing her hanging out with her so that she one day perhaps will see that i am the better man and i'll be back with her.

i want tobe friends for that reason alone......

[troutboy]

I would be worried too if i were in your situation. it sounds to me like your girlfriend can be trusted but on the other hand can you trust him? i don't know, that would be more than I could handle I think. I think he should be staying someplace else and not at her place. i also think you should be very honest with your girlfriend on how you are feeling about this.

 

Thanks Sasha, no, she said to him she did'nt want him to stay there, they did live together however for 4 years in the place she's currently in - and I certainly do open up to her all the time, have no problems discussing things with her - and she is always upfront in telling me what is happening. He was the one that broke it off with her - they both have pretty high morals - when they were together she says they were more friends than in a relationship thats why they split up - it's just so hard to get my head around, I guess because we have both cheated before to get where we are now makes the mind wonder. Thx

[spidartanks]

i've been told before,

 

once a cheater, always a cheater??

 

I dont know to believe it or not, each person is different, maybe that is why you bought up the point that you both have and maybe why you are struggling to deal with this?

[sasha12]

this just sounds a little strange to me because in most past relationships it is hard for two people to remain friends after they have broken up. I guess that could happen in some cases but I myself would find it strange to remain friends with a guy that I had a previous relationship with. I'm sure that your feelings are much more important to her than his will ever be. But maybe it is time for you to set some sort of bounderies here. What i mean is don't let this guy get in the way of your happiness with your girlfriend he is no longer hers.

[stomacstress]

"he wanted to sleep on the couch at her place and she said no because she knew it would upset me"

 

This is a good sign, my ex never did anything like that to comfort me in a similar situation...

 

I would ask her why she wants/needs to see him? She probably still has a need to contact the person she shared so much with. Eventually though, that should fade away as she is with you now...