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troutboy

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  1. troutboy
    Thanks for your replys, I can't help but feel angry towards her for going. I should have also added that she was with him when we met and I was also in a relationship - not the proudest moment of my life but we did make it work against all the odds, we carried on this affair successfully for about 5 months prior to us each leaving our partners (which I have no regrets about). I guess on the plus side it will be easier when she is gone, as I see her every day at present. I also agree that her excuse that she can't stand seeing me with other women is pretty weak. One reason I think she is going is his family, she is from England and his family is the only one she's known for many years. It's just soooooo hard sometimes, we do both love each other, but it obviously just is'nt enough from her end... I wish I could change her mind. Thankyou
  2. troutboy
    I just don't get it, we only just started talking again and things seemed good, she was flirting heaps with me, saying she misses me, we have serious chemistry, she even says she loves me on the odd occasion still! We have been broken up 3 months after a year relationship in which she always kept in contact with her ex, he's a nice guy, why not! - and she has been his only serious girlfriend - they were together 5 years, he's 30 and shes 34. She left him cause he was stressed at his job and didn't show love towards her, owes money (still does) but they were best of friends, he now says he's happier and changed and wants her back into his life - he lives in another city. She comes to find me tonight at the beach saying that she is leaving my town to give it another go with him, this decision has taken her 6 months to decide since he asked her, she says she has nothing to loose and she is mixed up - I am devestated, she says part of her decision was based on seeing me with other women all the time by chance (I have been dating), says she can't handle it, we met last week and had a great time, kissed and hugged at the end of the night. I somehow don't believe her though about me being the catylist for going... We also work together and live very close to each other. What are the chances of her and the ex succeeding? Do you think that being back together with an ex for these reasons is stupid - I want her to see what she is missing, so how do I do this, I guess it's just about letting her go and finding out for herself. I always believe that people don't really change and shes setting herself up for heartache by going back to him - need advice on what to do. pleeeeease help, heart-broken again...
  3. troutboy
    Because I feel I have moved on, met new people etc. I coped really well, much more together than I expected to be when meeting her. N/C obviously had an effect on her, you could see she'd been following my life through others which says to me, she really cares. I have no regrets about meeting her. She seemed sad and I was happy - just after we split up she had an abortion to me - which I think has made her a bit emotional, she didn't tell me this, she let it slip last night after a few drinks...
  4. troutboy
    We had a nice night, a few drinks and stared at each other for what seemed an eternity... We talked and talked, flirted, she kept touching me. I acted all happy and upbeat, shes said she loves me, always did and would've married me... but she is sort of back with her ex, but he lives in another town, she has been undecided for the last 6 months whether to move to be with him or not, and she hasn't left yet - 6 months on, she says if she does it will be for good, kids, marriage with him etc. She says 'he's changed' and is a much happier person now. Although I doubt this. I love this woman to bits, she seemed to know everything that I have been up to which was interesting, and I mean everything!!!! Right down to what I have been buying via the internet! She was especially interested in the women I have been seeing... we hugged for ages when we left the pub and we gave each other a small kiss on the lips, then she started really crying (she hardly ever cries!). I talked to her for a bit on the phone when I got home which was nice, like old times (after shed checked in with her ex on the phone!) I acted all happy and upbeat which I was. How can I get her back, I miss her and I think she misses me???, half of me wants her to go live with the ex again so she can see what shes missing in me, her ex and her were together 4 years, me and her just 1 year, he never said he loved her in that time and wasn't affectionate at all, loved his job more etc. - but now all of a sudden he is saying these things constantly since he's sort of got her back (she hasn't moved yet - 6 months later!) She left me in January, we got back together briefly after that and slept together in again in mid-april. I am a bit lost as what to do now? I did N/C for about 2 months which was great, I'd like to be her friend but even more I'd like to be her partner again - how should I play this now, leave her alone again, she hinted this morning (we work together) we get together again soon to burn some CD's at my place, I asked her up last night but she said "I don't trust myself" round you repeatedly, then she suggests this??? Help me...
  5. troutboy
    Sorry I should have elaborated more, no I am not with the girlfriend anymore, we were just not compatible, I ended it with her earlier last week after the weekend. So I am not seeing anyone at present.
  6. troutboy
    I feel she never really treated me that well, we split up because I couldn't handle the amount of constant contact her and her ex had, she was considering getting back together with him when we split and has spent a lot of time with him up until recently - well it's been 3 months or more and she still hasn't moved to be with him as she planned - saying she doesn't know what she is doing. I've been great with NC and actually met two other great women - this really threw my ex and she often said she finds it really hard I'm with someone else now, sometimes getting very angry almost! We talk very seldom, but have emailed just a little latley, I'm not with someone now. I asked her for a drink last week and she immeadiatley replied yes. She also came to the pub last weekend when she knew I was with my new girlfriend and didn't stop staring and trying to get attention. We still have an amazing amount of chemistry when we are together and the last time we met for a drink we ended up sleeping together! The fact she hasn't moved for her old BF says to me she doesn't know if shes coming or going. Does she still have feelings for me, do I have a shot? I'm planning on acting very upbeat and happy when we meet - is this the right angle? Talk about the good times we had etc. We were together for a year, and when it was good it was good. Her old BF is her best friend and I doubt I could ever separate them, but I would love to have her back in my life again and want me back, perhaps I should play a little hard to get? How should I act and do you think I have a chance?
  7. troutboy
    I simply cannot believe how similar our situations are. I am hurting still over my beautiful ex, and we had the best sex life imaginable... like yours there were good times but ohhhh sooo moody and inconsiderate to my feelings at times. She has just got back together with her ex after our 1 year relationship and it soooo hurts to hear. I also need to take a long hard look at what I saw in her - so please help me with how to overcome this! I am now with someone else but i cannot stop thinking about my ex, we work together and it's hard. I find myself constantly asking her round for a drink, the other night we got drunk, made love and it was fantastic... and I so want to do it again as much as it's killing me inside. I wonder how the new (old ex) will fare - I can honestly say I hope it doesn't work out for them. How do you get through this... I know I am shallow!!!
  8. troutboy
    Well... things are good and bad... I have called it off with the new girl as I couldn'y give her 100% because of the feelings I still feel for the ex and it wasn't fair on her. The ex and I caught up last night for a drink, I wanted to be happy and not talk about her and I but she seemed to want to reminisse about the good times we had, she was flirty, the evening was fantastic, we got a bit drunk and ended up sleeping together... I lost count of the number of times she said she loved me, over and over and over again, missing me etc. It was really nice. She is hanging in limbo as to whether stay in town or move away, her ex is wanting her to move down to him, she was considering it but she says she doesn't love him like that - only as a great friend. She still says her and I are not compatible (I think we are) but I am the only one to ever treat her so good and love her. Apparently she said she was even harping on to her ex about all the great times her and I shared. I know sleeping with the ex is not a good idea, but it happenend and it was nice - I hope we can get through this, I'd love to have her back in my life and this is a strong indication of her feelings I feel? I definatley need to be on my own for a while and I told her this last night. I really don't feel she is playing games with me, she just isn't like that. I think I need to give her space still? She is going down to stay with her ex and his family this weekend for his 30th birthday, I'm not too worried anymore, she was in tears again last night stating they are, and have only ever been best of friends. Do I keep in contact or give her space? Thankyou
  9. troutboy
    You are right on this, I think she really is confused, she has started also hanging out with really young guys (as friends) alot, it's confusing me as she has never been like this (she is 34). I saw her on Friday night at work drinks and she was all super friendly again - I think she wanted to come out with me and my friends to celebrate my birthday. I also rang he on Saturday to chat and she was all matey and adamant again we were just mates, but she didn't want me to loose the feelings I had for her and that me still loving her and her loving me is not fair to the new girl? - I don't know what she is playing at to be honest. She also keeps telling me it's hard seeing me blah, blah... but she constantly emails little nothings to make contact? Thanks for your insight.
  10. troutboy
    Man my life gets more interesting by the day! To cut a long story short, I was with a woman I really loved for 12 months, we were both in relationships when we met, but we defied the odds and made a go of it - we also work together, things were good. We broke up mostly because I was jealous of the huge amount of contact she had with her ex and the final straw was her going away with him (as friends) although we technically we'rent together at the time. We just have soooo much love and attraction to each other... even still. I've just done about 3 weeks of no contact with her, it was really good for me and her. Anyway I recently met someone else, I told my ex, as I didn't want her to hear from anyone else (we work together remember). Anyway this week we have exchanged a few emails, shes been really down and recently quite sick, but keeping her head high. We've had a few laughs and just done our normal staring into each others eyes for ages! The new girl is soooo lovely but my ex is holding me back from it all.... I still love her to bits! And want to be with her! The ex came over last night to pick something up, we sat and talked for 4 hours, she was really down, and started crying about how stuffed up she has made everything, admitting her friendship with her ex has blown any chance her and I had (this was VERY hard for her to say), saying her life was crap etc. etc. and she will always love me, doesn't know where she wants to live - she is from (England). My ex is beautiful, model material and I melt when I look at her, it was soooo hard... BUT... I held my head high and pretended all was great in my life, which it sort of is. I walked her to her car and we hugged and cried together more, she hates I am seeing someone else, she never cries and was crying ALOT! Then we had a couple of really nice short kisses and tight cuddles. But all the while I still maintained I was happy with my life at the moment and everything was good - but the reality is I would love to have her back in my life... I'm soooo confused!!! Do I have a shot with my ex again, I cannot really give 100% to the new girl as I am constantly thinking about the ex... I want her back - do I have a chance - what tactics???
  11. troutboy
    Thanks for your replys - I just tried to talk with her, but she ended up telling me where to go, wants nothing to do with me etc. started crying (it was a big fight). Just sent her an email saying I'm sorry it's come to this and I had good times when we were together. She is running long distances 6 days a week and her job is also getting to her - there is nothing else I can do I guess but to just cut-off and call it quits. She also just told me she forwarded onto her ex last Friday (who she is best friends with), one of these supposedly b*tchy emails I sent her - I think that is really low of her. We were together 18 months but she always had this really close relationship with her ex, which ruined us in the end I feel. She is very very independent and you are right I can tell she really cares about me still - she just has a funny way of showing it. I give up, just hard to get her out of my head and I've been doing so well!
  12. troutboy
    I just can't figure her out, I really miss her but I have been getting on fine after she called it quits with me about 4 weeks ago, we had the odd kiss and hug up to about 10 days ago as we still have a lot of love for each other, I haven't had hardly any contact, but it was fine when I did see her on the odd occasion (we work together). She was with her ex last weekend at a festival and they are great friends, I know that for a fact. She has been off work sick the last few days and I didn't call or anything, shes back at work today and I sent her an email saying "I hope you are feeling better" and she replied with "get [deleted by mod.], you were all [deleted by mod.] last week and now you want to make polite chit chat" I hardly spoke to her last week! And I know I wasn't [deleted by mod.] at all!!!! So what is wrong with her, shes been all mopey, head down and depressed looking this last few weeks and I am worried about her. I love her to bits and we have always had soo much chemistry but I don't understand her being like this to me. I replied simply saying "if she wants to talk about anything or needs anything I am there for her" and left it at that - I have been getting myself together really well but would also love to have another chance with her, could my no contact be getting to her? She has made no attempt to call, email or txt me??? I am also away for the next two weeks, but I'll be thinking about her - what should I do? Thanks
  13. troutboy
    My partner dumped me a few weeks back after we startrted to scrap quite frequently, esp. over her ex and the amount of contact they had, (we'd broken up about 3 times and got back together over this) she said I was obsessive and we we're just two different people - I agree we are, she is very independent, but I love her to bits and I know she really cares for me too. Anyway we work together, not directly but in the same building, I see her everyday, she is keen for us to be the best of friends, we we're together for over a year and we have this incredible chemistry STILL! We just stare into each others eyes when we see each other, it's like a drug. We went to a party together in the weekend as friends and we both had a great time, I walked her home and we had a nice couple of cuddles and hugs, she kissed me a few times on the neck and then we had a quick kiss on the lips... is this how friends behave? We hugged for ages, it was quite sad. I know we still have something there. I would love to have another chance with this women, but one of the things I can't stand about her is she is often sharp, snappy and moody, but we had such a great time on Saturday night. I have tried N/C but she just comes past my desk all smiling and flirty, or rings me at home after a week. It's hard when I work with her, and she just lives around the corner. I can't but think we still have a glimmer of hope after Saturday night... I've not heard from her since. I get the odd email from her making comments like she'd love to go to the movies with me, dinner etc. "but it's not appropriate" etc. etc Leaving my job is not an option for either of us really, could giving her space work, making her jealous (she is a tad of a jealous person, although she'd never admit it, and she always queries me about talking to other women). When it was good with us, it was really good I thought, I really miss her company, she is into running and runs 6 days a week long distance... I think running has made her into a different person!... Should I continue to be the friendly guy... our chemistry is out of this world. Advice please!
  14. troutboy
    Thanks for all your advice - you are all right, I called it off with her, she did'nt seem to be too bothered, it is'nt right and it's not fair on me. I would never do it to someone I loved and the fact I didn't factor into her consideration says it all. Ho hummmm plenty more fish in the sea and all of that! I just happen to work with this women unfortunatley! Thankyou all for confirming what I guess I already knew but didn't want to admit. Andrew
  15. troutboy
    Long story, but I got back together with my girlfriend after she dumped me - things have been rocky tho, she came crawling back a couple of times after no contact... "it does really work"! We have however had a few good times too, but sometimes fight over the amount of contact her and her ex have. Anyway she runs and is doing a mountain run in another Island. Her ex lives there and they are the best of friends, going out and talking/texting all the time, he is a pilot and often flies up for a few hours at a time and the odd overnight - it has taken me ages to accept they are just friends and she CONSTANTLY reassures me that that is all they are, nothing more. Anyway she and him are staying in the same hotel during the run (separate rooms). I have told her I'm not comfortable with this but again and again she reassures me that they are friends nothing more - even tho they did go out for 4 years. I have never stopped her doing anything and I never will, but what do I do??? The main motivator for him staying during the race is that another guy she really hates and he has hit on her before is doing it too and staying in the same complex, and she wants someone there - I offered but she said she didn't consider me as it is really expensive to fly there and he is there anyway and can pick her up from the airport etc. Am I being paranoid??? I know they are friends not lovers anymore...
  16. troutboy
    Thanks everyone for your advice, yes I agree - just pretty hard putting it into practice - I have heaps on in my life outside of this at the moment which is good for keeping me busy. All valuable information - in a way I have no regrets seeing her and liked the response I got - but agree I have to backoff for a while now. Thanks
  17. troutboy
    What do I do!... I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago, she said I was smothering her, stressing her out and she didn't feel the same way about me as I did her... but she still loved me?.... Anyway I haven't contacted her in about 4 days, but tonight had a few drinks and ended up at her place as she was pulling up in her car (I know, I know)! Anyway we sat and talked a bit, she still seemed adamant we should and could still be friends, but she missed me as I did her and I looked beautiful? and I told her I missed her too. Anyway we kissed a bit - long kisses on the lips, I walked her up to her place, we had a long really tight hug and another short kiss and that was it..... What does this mean, I have never given her this much space before... could it have worked, or am I reading into this too much? Maybe she is confused... and WHAT DO I DO NOW!.... Do I give her more space and take each day as it comes, i.e little contact. I really miss her and don't want to stuff this up as I see it as a break through, but she didn't exactly say she wanted to get back together either!... afterall you don't go kissing the guy you want to be friends with do you... do you? Please some advice!
  18. troutboy
    Been a few days now, I'm a bit hurt by my partner of 1 year calling it off with me, saying she didn't feel the same way about me as I did her and I was smothering her. Although I know she really does care about me alot. The problem is we work in the same building so I do see her on the odd occasion - how do I handle this? Also she has sent a few text messages to my phone, just friendly stuff, but I know it won't be long before she starts calling me - I have'nt replied as yet. I miss her to bits, but should I totally ignore her efforts?
  19. troutboy
    Deep down I have to agree with your last few words, I love her to bits but there was always something that was missing... just hard to forget. Thanks
  20. troutboy
    Well an update, she text message me last night asking if I was okay and did I want to borrow her car to look for a new place to live (sold mine) and sounded a bit down, I was out with friends, I rung her back I told her this sucked because I truly thought we were compatible, she did say I seem to be fine (out with friends) - she still said we should break up, and today out of a careless moment of missing her, I rung her up, and she was more adamant than before that this was real and it had to happen - she did say I never treated her anything other that absolutley perfectly and we were just two different people - I really miss her, but this bluntness from her is a bit of a shock, she says she still loves me, but not to the extent I love her - it's really hurting and I think this is finally over - what should I do, I work in the same building remember. I guess I should try to move on - it just wasn't expected, I soooo want to just call her up but she sounds so grumpy and down at the moment, she'd just end up getting more annoyed with me - I'd like to think with N/C she might come back...... am I being optimistic?
  21. troutboy
    Yes, they talk daily, sometimes every few days, but SMS all the time. You have wise words I feel, I need to give her some time - I won't send her a message for a few days - every time I have always tried to give her some space shes ended up calling me. She is a very honest person and thinks I would decieve anyone to make a fast buck - I told her welcome to the real world, sometimes I do feel this would be for the best and other times I know she is so good for me and vice versa. We have always mainted an enormous psychial attraction, more than you could imagine, even after all this time - I just feel I am in for a hard slog if pursue her, it's also hard for her having all her family on the other side of the world - she gets really stressed sometimes re: this. I really miss her after a few days, so NC is going to be hard...
  22. troutboy
    She said she can't be with me, I just got the impression that it was over without her saying it - there was lots of tears from her and she never cries, it's always me! She thinks I am dishonest in my work (marketing) as I deceive people but I see this as being an escape for something a little bigger. She was with him for 5 years, she does reassure me slightly sometimes, but not as much as I would like I guess, and she never lets me know what they talk about - he knows about me and her and doesn't like it apparently. She has been really sharp with our conversations and really grumpy lately, not wanting to spend as much time with me as usual, not as many I love you's and planning things with friend instead of spending time with me - she is from England - she thinks I'm obsessive as I will often ring her back after a fight, sometimes several times as I hate going to sleep upset and she is one of these people who can just let it go... and I can't. She had always assures me her and ex are just friends - I just have always had a gut feeling she still is attracted to him more than a friend, he lives in another town. I tried to leave her about 3 months ago, but she came back wanting to try again. We were both with people when we met and I think this has something to do with me not totally trusting her unfortunatley... Thanks heaps for your replies.
  23. troutboy
    Hello from New Zealand, I have been seeing a woman now for about 12 months, she is very close to her ex, thay talk daily and SMS daily too.... I am the jealos type and don't like this, although I have told her I would never stop her seeing him - (they catch up as friends weekly). We have sort of broken up a few times and always got back together. She says I am possesive and always checking up on her, I think I have always been very reasonable considering the relationship shes has with her ex partner, and only ever ask for some reassurance that things are okay with us when she finishes seeing him. Well we had a few drinks last night and it all came out that she does'nt like the person I am, she thinks I'm dodgy and never listen, but she does love me, this I know and we often "did" tell each other - only an hour earlier last night we were cuddling and all was great, she was even planning on staying the night and over the weekend - we were both quite drunk however.... She said she can't be with me - which we have both said to each other before - but deep down we both have a huge attraction to each other - I know she enjoys my company and we have talked on the phone every night since being together. I love her to bits but just hope this is'nt the end - I am not very good at no contact, but is this something I should try? She has been quite nasty and off with me for this past week after spending a lovely two weeks together over christmas. We don't live together but work in the same building.... I don't know what to do, I miss my mate terribly, she needed some space this week and I gave it to her but she just ended calling me twice to get together. If it is over for good, I think it would be too hard for me to be friends with her. Please some advice would be appreciated....
  24. troutboy
    Thanks Sasha, no, she said to him she did'nt want him to stay there, they did live together however for 4 years in the place she's currently in - and I certainly do open up to her all the time, have no problems discussing things with her - and she is always upfront in telling me what is happening. He was the one that broke it off with her - they both have pretty high morals - when they were together she says they were more friends than in a relationship thats why they split up - it's just so hard to get my head around, I guess because we have both cheated before to get where we are now makes the mind wonder. Thx
  25. troutboy
    I have been with my girlfriend now for a year, we were both in relationships when we met, and both left our partners for each other - we get on extremely well and are very very happy - defied the odds I guess. My one issue is that her and her ex are the best of friends, they have contact every couple of days via phone and text message (he lives in another Island now), they catch up for lunch every now and then etc. She says he knows about us - but they agreed not to spell it out to each other when they finally did meet someone else. he is a pilot and once a month flies in for an overnight stop - this time he wants to catch up with her for a drink and I am worried! I soooo want to trust her and she has never given me any doubt not too - but they are just soo close and were together for 4 years - he wanted to sleep on the couch at her place and she said no because she knew it would upset me. She keeps saying I have nothing to worry about, and I have so much more to offer than he ever did - but I keep putting on a brave face and saying I'm fine with them going for a drink when I am not - please help with any suggestions on how I can best deal with their closeness? - I guess I'd like her to spell it out to him about us?[/b]
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