Send a Thanksgiving email?

[whattheheck]

I was thinking about sending a Thanksgiving greeting to my ex gf. She broke up with me back in August, and went to a new guy right away. No contact since. I wanted to send her an email wishing her a happy Thanksgiving, but I do not think I should if she is still seeing her man.

 

Any suggestions? Also, how could I find out if she is still seeing him?

[hockeyboy]

you and i have gone through this before. do what we talked about before.

[if only]

personally I would just leave things the way they are....what are you going to gain by sending this e-mail? it might end up being even more rejection. By continuing with NC you will become stronger and feel better about yourself. by sending an e-mail you are still holding onto something deep down you are hoping she will realise what she is missing but you really have to realise it is over.

 

Until you accept this you will continue to Grieve the loss of the relationship and not move on fully. Do you really want to be one of those very sad stories that still haven't come to terms with it 5 years down the line? I know that I wanted the hurting to go as soon as possible.

 

Your not alone though in the way you are feeling, I too went through this stage, thinking should I just contact the ex (I also made up several reasons for myself to get in touch with him) but in the end I didn't, I though if I were in his shoes I would contact me if I wanted to as it was his decision and if not I would want to be left alone.

 

I know its hard but it does get easier, by contacting them it just makes you return to point one again and you will be putting yourself on the line only to be hurt all over again.. it really isn't worth it.

 

Someone said to me 'life is too short... learn from other peoples experiences' - how true is this? there are plenty of stories on this board that all end up in rejection

 

I hope this helps and just concentrate on the more positive things in life you will make it!!!

[hockeyboy]

by contacting them it just makes you return to point one again and you will be putting yourself on the line only to be hurt all over again.

 

this may be true sometimes, probably even in this situation. but its not always true. my ex called me after 6 weeks of NC. i didnt answer but called back a week later. it did not send me back at all, but rather propelled me forward. it proved to me that i was over her. that i didnt need her, didnt want her. i had no bad feelings and still dont. she called me everyday for a week straight and i felt nothing.

 

i reccoment people break nc only when they are over their ex. or if its going to help them get over their ex.

[if only]

I agree with what you are saying but she contacted you first which put you in control and it helped you realise that you were over her. When you separate you are being rejected and no one like this especially when you are in love. I feel by her calling you it showed she also felt the same as you for some time, making you feel not so rejected and I would agree I would feel good even better too if I were in your shoes when nc was broken.

 

But in this case he wants to call her which straight away proves he is not over her. I think someone has mentioned something about a 3 month mark and how you feel the need to contact them after a high of feeling free and single....I also went through it now I am like you I dont even care to speak to them I will say hi if I see him but wont make the effort to contact him it just isnt worth it.

 

When you are fully over someone you will not want to contact them and like you if they contact you, it only proves what you already know.

[hockeyboy]

i agree with what you are saying. however, i also think that sometimes we learn through pain. sometimes we need that wake up call. obviously almost everyone should not want their ex's back, they dont want us so we should not want them. sometimes, breaking nc and trying get them back and getting rejected is what we need. yes, it will hurt for a bit. but sometimes (works for some, not all) its good cause it finally gets into our heads that we need to get over this person. also..by contacting them..we may finally see the real them. after a breakup, our vision is skewed, we put them on a pedastal. when there is NC, sometimes that view remains..and seeing them for who they really are is important

 

everything really depends on everyone personal circumstances.

[whattheheck]

hockeyboy - I agree in that I would be willing to go through the pain to learn a lesson. If she does not respond, or responds negatively, then I will have NO doubts at all that I should move on. In fact, it may help me to move on even more - it would be like a kick in the butt to get myself moving forward.

 

Although I will probably not send her the email, it would also make me the better person in that I am trying to be civil, no hard feelings, etc.

[Marketa]

Hockey- Huuummm I dont agree with you, sorry. You are trying to be strong but its clear you are not over her. If you were you wouldnt have to be so strong it would have just passed. By not calling back until a week I believe you didnt want to seem anxious and you wanted her to wonder what you were up to in your busy life that you didnt have the time to call her. maybe you wanted to get her to start thinking where is he? New Girl? Is he really over me? That may be why she kept calling you. ex's sometimes want the security of knowing someone still cares. After a week went by and you called her did you get the reaction you wanted or were you in the same boat you were when you first broke up. Just my opinion don't feel the need to jump down my throat.

 

Whatteheck - Don't contact if you dont want to set your self up for a few things that could happen

 

1. she could not respond and you will feel she didnt even have the respect to reply.

 

2. She could respond and let you know what is going on in her life without you like me and (new guy) are going to my parents, blab,blab,blab, and you just dont need to know that.

 

3. She might be single and by not having contacted you - you might feel that you werent that important to her since she is single and still didnt try to start up contact with you making you feel the relationship meant alot more to you then her.

 

Its good that they have moved on but its best to not know, just wait and if contact was meant maybe she will sned you a thanksgiving e-mail.

 

Just my thoughts.

[Steve_uk]

Its all **** really, if you want to contact someone then do it, they could be thinking, "oh he may contact me, so ill wait for him blah blah blah".... just do it, if your over her and want to speak, just be friendly and do it, no harm in it. You may forever be thinking what if...... if you dont think you could handle the consequences then dont do it, simple... sorry if im being harsh......

 

Go with your gut instinct....its normally correct.

[hockeyboy]

You are trying to be strong but its clear you are not over her

 

never heard such a comment so wrong before in my life. read my posts. i didnt call back for a week cause a) i was busy b) i had no desire. I called her back cause im a civil person..i talked to her and had no feelings whatsoever for her in that way. i care about her but do not want to be with her. to be honest it kinda pisses me off that you would accuse me of that and pretty much everything you said was dead wrong. not everybody obesses about their ex forever.

[herewegoagain]

To all - I was wondering - does making contact (such as an email) after a few months of NC help, hurt, or have no effect on getting an ex back in the future?

[Foz]

I guess that depends, i think most people initiate contact hoping to get back with their ex, if that is your expectation then you could end up hurt.

personally every time i spoke to my ex i got my hopes up and every time they were dashed and i ended up even more hurt than before..it was like being dumped again and again..

It was only then that i figured out what NC was about, it was about protecting yourself from further hurt..and that is where i am at now..

i had some mad notion to text him on his birthday or something but the only reason i would do that is because i would want him to contact me back on my birthday and if he didnt id be dreadfully upset so ive decided just not to send him birthday wishes or christmas wishes..nothing because it wont achieve anything..

[trishcollins]

It was only then that i figured out what NC was about, it was about protecting yourself from further hurt..

 

You are so right Foz. N/C about protecting ourselves. I have felt exactly the same way, and still do. I am going to send Christmas and Birthday cards though, because it's the entire family, and not just him. However, if I get nothing on my birthday, (which falls one month after his in March), then I will probably stop sending cards. To me, if he won't even acknowledge my birthday, then it really says something.