I snooped and regret it :(

[Justagirl19]

I've always had trust issues and have always snooped in my boyfriends phone. We have been together 2 years and I know I'm wrong and shouldn't snoop. And it's usually nothing big. And he is always willing to delete any pictures he forgot he had or erase contacts I don't think he should have. Just recently I went thru some old pictures he had on his phone and found a bunch of an ex girlfriend and a a bunch of random naked girls and a home made video and it was very disturbing. I confronted him and he got mad I went thru his phone AGAIN but he assured me they were super old from his very first iPhone that transferred everything

[Edmund Exley]

Do you believe him?

[april15]

After 2 years you would think all those hiccups (phone wise) would have been worked out. Even so, you snooped without permission, that was bad. You found stuff, he maybe was bad. If things are good otherwise, take your lumps, say you were sorry. If you are still wanting more security, be patient. In 3 months, ask him if you were to look in his phone, would you find objectional stuff there? If he hesitates ask him if you can look. If he refuses, maybe you two are not compatible.

[LookandLeap]

He's lying. He is definitely in love with his ex still, and is probably cheating on you. He just gets mad that you caught him, so he turns it around on you.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's possible he did forget to erase them. At this point, it sounds to be innocent, and I would give him the benefit of the doubt, unless proven otherwise.

[Edmund Exley]

He's lying. He is definitely in love with his ex still, and is probably cheating on you. He just gets mad that you caught him, so he turns it around on you.

 

Troll much? There is no need for this comment when there are no facts to support that. Please dont put these types of thoughts in to the mind of someone who already is admittedly insecure.

[Justagirl19]

My phone cut me off. I didn't get to finish telling what happen when I looked in his email. I went to 2009 up till he met me. And he had about 3 girls he was hooking up with and asking to come over to his house and basically hook up. He asked them for pictures and videos. Called them sexy and hot mama. He never calls me that. I know it's in the past but it makes me wonder if he was that much into hooking up with multiple girls then he might do that to me too. He stopped emailing when we met in 2011. But I just look at him differently now. How do I let go of this and not judge him.? I look at him kinda with DISCUST now. Like how could he be such a player before he met me and then believe that he is with me and only me now.

[Justagirl19]

Ya that was a little harsh.

[Justagirl19]

Do you believe him?

Believe him On what?

[itsallgrand]

So you have an issue with his past?

 

Did you know this about him prior to getting together? While in the relationship?

 

Trying to get a handle on how much of this is new information for you.

[Justagirl19]

This all new to me. We didnt hook up right away when we met, which made me believe he was not like that. shortly after we were together i noticed he had some pictures in his phone of some girl and he said he only saved them for his buddy who liked her. and he deleted them. he was sorry and all that. he had a couple friends that were girls and i didnt like it so i told him not to talk to them anymore and he didnt. I even called one that wouldnt stop calling him and left her a voicemail to leave him alone. and he approved of that. that was in the beginning. just in the past like 7-8 months i have really started not trusting him and going thru his phone. saw some really really old text message with a couple girls and confronted him and he said he just never deleted them. (and they were before we met) but they were very sexual and graphic. and we have had a lot of other issues just argueing a lot and we have broken up a few times and when we get back together i check his phone and dont really find much. just recently found some girl he was texting while we were broken up but he had deleted all their text previously and i just saw the most recent one which was just normal conversation. he said it wasnt to hook up, that he was lonley and just needed someone to talk to. i have snooped in his phone a few more times and dont find much. but then i found these emails from like 4 years ago between him and these other girls and it just surpirses me that he was like that before cause he always told me he never had one night stands or had sex without condoms because he is paranoid of diseases and so i had the impression that he didnt get with a lot of random girls unless they were his girlfriend, but these emails prove otherwise. and when i found that home made porn video on his phone of him and some girl he says he didnt even know her that well, and then these emails, i just think he was a man *****. but since we have been together i have not found any solid evedence of cheating or even trying to be with anyone else. but then i think, maybe he is just really good at hiding it. we dont live together, he could easily be having people over at night and i would never ever know. I have snuck up on him before and found nothing.

[Justagirl19]

Thank you....

[Justagirl19]

Troll much? There is no need for this comment when there are no facts to support that. Please dont put these types of thoughts in to the mind of someone who already is admittedly insecure.

 

thank you....

[boodlebear]

i wouldnt believe him either. 2 years and you should not be dealing with stuff like that still. If he respected you he would not ever allow stuff like that to be in his phone. and i do believe that if he had nothing to hide he wouldnt be getting mad about you going through it. but on the other hand if you could truly trust him then you wouldnt have the urge to go through his phone. there should be trust there. if you dont trust him then you need to leave him. you can find someone that you can trust and you will never have to worry about anything. dont settle. trust is a bad issue to have and its hard to overcome.

[Bunney]

Wow can't believe some of the responses here especially that one above me (making it seem like HE is at fault). It is definitely possible to still have old stuff on your phone, same thing happened with my most recent ex, he had pictures (non-sexual) and numbers on it that were transferred from another android, and just never looked through them so forgot to delete them. Same thing with some of my friends.

 

Tbh you are LOOKING for reasons to get upset, and I bet you're even a little disappointed when you dont find things/"evidence". Some people just love the drama.

"he had a couple friends that were girls and i didnt like it so i told him not to talk to them anymore and he didnt. "

 

Who cares what he did before he got together with you? Surprise surprise - he had sex before you. Does it matter if those girls were his girlfriends or not? He is a guy, and he has needs, he desired other girls before you and acted on those desires.

There is nothing wrong with that. You need to stop arguing with him over things that happened before he even knew you existed.

 

You don't seem to be in the right place to be in a relationship. You know, in healthy relationships, people don't sneak up on their partners to try and catch them cheating. A little creepy to be honest. :sulkiness:

Cut this guy some slack. He seems to have dealt with an awful lot when it comes to you.

[itsallgrand]

It is possible he has not been cheating, and won't, but he has different values and a different past than what you believed in the beginning.

 

So it really comes down to if you can handle this and if you can trust him. Longer range.

 

I agree that it isn't healthy to be sneaking up on him nor looking for proof that he is untrustworthy. I will say though, I think this information would have been better delivered when you were first getting together. Yes, I've had casual sex. Yes, I keep old photos and vids on my phone. You know. Upfront. And if you couldn't deal with that, you could have saved yourself a lot of heart ache and insecurities!

 

I don't know if you can trust him. None of us do. But if you personally can not - there will be nothing he can do to make you.

[Justagirl19]

I think your right. I am very jealous and insecure. And I need to stop and lay off but I just don't know how. it's like something takes over and I can't control it.

[Justagirl19]

It is possible he has not been cheating, and won't, but he has different values and a different past than what you believed in the beginning.

 

So it really comes down to if you can handle this and if you can trust him. Longer range.

 

I agree that it isn't healthy to be sneaking up on him nor looking for proof that he is untrustworthy. I will say though, I think this information would have been better delivered when you were first getting together. Yes, I've had casual sex. Yes, I keep old photos and vids on my phone. You know. Upfront. And if you couldn't deal with that, you could have saved yourself a lot of heart ache and insecurities!

 

I don't know if you can trust him. None of us do. But if you personally can not - there will be nothing he can do to make you.

 

I honestly don't think he would ever cheat on me, but I do think he would chat with girls maybe or exchange pictures. And hide it. But I don't think he would really hook up with anyone else. But then again, didn't think he was man w**** before I knew him either. There is even a girl we have actually hung out with a couple times!! Yes they sexted and exchanged pictures before we met, but to actually bring me out with her around is wrong. And how stupid did I look. I had no clue.

[boodlebear]

Stop making excuses for him. He should not be doing anything that will break your trust. If you have already caught him sexting or talking to other girls the wrong way then you should have already left him.

that response after mine was stupid and made by a girl who has probably never been in a real relationship.

if he will do it once and you forgive him then he will do it again. dont settle for anything less than what you deserve because i promise you he will not.

[Kristenelaine]

When men enter a relationship with someone, they dont go "Oh! I should delete every picture and every number of every other girl I was interested in!" Men dont think of doing things like that.

 

Some men keep them as back up, some men just dont go through their phones and spend the time deleteing stuff.

 

I can see where you are upset that he had pics of an ex still...that would be upsetting. But usually, when a man as pics of a naked woman in his phone, its because it is a naked woman. Not a love interest, not someone he is cheating with, and not someone he is sexting. Its a naked woman. Boobs and vagina. Why would a man delete that from his phone...?

 

You dont trust him for a reason, so I would recommend calling things off and working on yourself. The fact you have looked through is phone and pictures were there, then he deleted them all for you, just for you to look again and more be in there shows that 1) he is a man and likes sexy things. or 2) maybe he is being unfaithful.

 

All I can say about cheating...is it takes a lot of a persons time to do so. If he is with you most of the time, or at work, or with family and friends, etc...you shouldnt suspect him of cheating. Really pay attention to red flags. Your gut doesnt trust him for a reason so your subconcious has picked up on red flags somewhere.

 

If he is sexting or on his phone a lot, or is he has other suspicious things going on, then okay. Ask him about it.

 

It kinda seems to me you are looking for an excuse to leave him or be left. If you arent happy, leave. Stop searching for a reason too and just do it already. Because if this man has been completely faithful to you and trying his hardest, he doesnt deserve what you are putting him through.

 

Im sorry, but if the guy I am seeing told me to get rid of friends just because he didnt like them, he would be long gone

[boodlebear]

i completely agree with this too.

[Justagirl19]

Stop making excuses for him. He should not be doing anything that will break your trust. If you have already caught him sexting or talking to other girls the wrong way then you should have already left him.

that response after mine was stupid and made by a girl who has probably never been in a real relationship.

if he will do it once and you forgive him then he will do it again. dont settle for anything less than what you deserve because i promise you he will not.

 

i have seen pictures of other woman in his pictures ONE time. He said they were from years ago from an old phone that transferred over and he deleted all of them when i confronted him. I did catch him talking to some girl he met at a bar, while we were broken up, and it wasnt in a sexual or wrong way, it was just normal conversation. And all the emails i found with other girls was from 2009. 2 years before we even met. so nothing while we have actually been together. which just makes me think he is really good at deleteing and sneaking around. OR maybe he is being faithful. just the fact that he used to email and text with girls SO much before he met me, makes me think he likes that and is still doing it. but ive never caught him. and ive snooped a lot. but who knows.......thats why im confused because i dont know.

[Kristenelaine]

You should see how many guys I talk to and get pictures from when Im single. A persons single actions do not determine who they are and what their couple actions are like.

 

I think you need to be single and stop punishing him for something he has never done to you

[Bunney]

Stop making excuses for him. He should not be doing anything that will break your trust. If you have already caught him sexting or talking to other girls the wrong way then you should have already left him.

that response after mine was stupid and made by a girl who has probably never been in a real relationship.

if he will do it once and you forgive him then he will do it again. dont settle for anything less than what you deserve because i promise you he will not.

 

Hahaha. 'Never been in a real relationship'? Sorry, I have had many relationships ranging from non-serious to long-term and serious, so if I may say so, I'm probably a little more experienced than you.

 

If you actually took time to read the OP's posts then you would see that she even stated herself that he never gave her a reason to think he was cheating. And she admitted to being very insecure. Still, you're trying to make it look like *he* is the problem.

 

You're probably one of those girls who expect their boyfriend to remove any picture, number, and even MEMORY of any girl that isn't you, and to never ever even so much as look in the direction of another girl.

 

Calling my post 'stupid' and assuming that I've never had a relationship speaks of immaturity on your part. But after reading through the things you wrote, that doesn't surprise me. Now get out of my sight