Just Friends?

[tabletops]

Is it possible for a man and a woman to be "just" friends? Is it possible, even after one has acknowledged that there is "energy" there but will not act on it? Am I kidding myself?

 

Married 13 years, 2 kids, closer with hubby now then ever have been yet am strongly attracted to someone I just met and feel way connected to him . . . haven't done anything at all to hide . . . yet. I'm not sure what to make of these feelings and the intensity of them . . .

 

Whatcha think?

[Finch]

I think it's possible, but definitely don't think it's healthy for a marriage under your circumstances.

[tabletops]

Why am I feeling this way? Is it normal to all of the sudden develop a crush?

[Cadence308]

No, I don't think it's possible for a man and a woman to be friends and not ever have something come of it if they both feel an energy or drive towards one another. I think it's because there's always that aspect of difference, which is the sex.

 

Most guys I know usually have a relationship or sexual interest in a woman that they befriend.

 

I don't recommend having an affair on your husband. Finish that relationship first before you move onto this new fling.

[Iceman26]

I agree with Ballys.

 

This post only reassures my viewpoint that I am not going to date girls with any guy friends anymore.

[tabletops]

It's not like this guy is my only guy friend - he's just the only one I've ever had a crush on . . . so I do think it's possible to have guy friends and it's platonic . . .

[SkyFire]

My best friend is a girl. We hang out every other weekend and talk almost every day on the phone. She is really hot, but I would not risk losing our great friendship over a fling.

 

Yes, men and women CAN be just friends.

[Beec]

I think it is possible, but I would not continue if there was this kind of attraction.

[Switch187]

I think this goes to the "want what you can't have". You know that by having these feelings you will jepordize your marriage, and subconciansly (sp?) I think you may like it. Also you've been married for so long that things feel the "same" in the marriage, and now that you see something "new" your senses are heightened. I wouldn't take the fling any further then just being friends, instead use that new found "lust" (just the feeling) to make things in your marriage a bit more "un-usual". I wouldn't leave a 13 year marriage with childeren, just to see if some HS crush would work out.

[bella26]

No way, I truly believe that no man and woman can be just friends. Even if you are not atttracted to the person, they are most likely attracted to you or the other way around. Im not sure what it is but there is always that energy that attarcts one person to another, it cant be ignored!

[San123]

Yeah we had this argument all the time in high school with my english teacher. We ultimately all agreed with him in the end. (I always had though.) A guy and a girl can never be "just friends"... well, they can but one or both people are attracted to the other in some way. There is usually something you are attracted to in a friend anyway if you think about it, that's why you like being with them. One or both always has a little stronger feelings in a guy/girl friendship. You may never act on it or find out about it, but it's there.

[RobotMasterCoop]

Well yeah its possible for men and women to just be friends. If your husband is okay with it then its good, but if you feel that the relationship is too strong between you and you male friend, you should tell your friend that because of your marriage and your feelings for him that need to break it off.

[Mun]

I think it is possible if there is no attraction whatsoever between them. The thing is that there usually IS attraction at least on one side.

 

I would recommend you transfer that friendship you feel for this man to your husband and get away from him. Talk to your husband more, do fun things with him and you may find that you don't need the other man in your life anymore.

 

Good luck

[Cecelius]

Chiming in with Iceman. 13 years of marriage and it still sounds like flexible talk of "confusion" that I'm used to hearing from young people.

 

Be confused but make sure your husband knows you are. He has a right to the bargain he made.

[tigger38]

I am so happy I read your post. I am struggling with this same issue. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, happily married for almost 6 w/ 2 kids. Two months ago I was on classmates and saw the name of my first boyfriend (we broke up b/c my parents were transferred to the other side of the country). We've been talking online and on the phone ever since, it started out friendly, turned sexual, we actually started making plans to meet one day (we live 2000 miles apart). One day I put the brakes on and told him we had to stop, he said he wanted to still keep in touch and was fine with us being friends, but eventually we started the sexual banter again. Suddenly this week he is no where to be found, not answering my calls or e-mails. I felt like I was experiencing all over again what it feels like to be dumped. I can not stop thinking about him, it's to the point of being obsessive. So last night I sent him an e-mail just saying that I could not continue to have any contact with him what so ever, friendship or otherwise and that I felt like he must hae come to this conclusion to since we had not talked since Tuesday. But now I am so sad, and my husband can sense this and wants to know what wrong, and the guilt (even though there was not any physical cheating) is tremedous and unfortuantly I no-longer see my husband the same way that I did before all this started. If anything I resent him (and I shouldn't). So my advise would be to stop it now, before things spiral out of control. I know what you mean about the "connection" that's what I felt too, but it only gets worse. And the pain of letting go and the guilt is not worth it. If I could go back 2 months and take back making the contact with this person I would. Now I am having to let go of them all over again, and I have to work on whatever issues are in my marriage, b/c the bottom line is I don't think I would have ever done this if I were truly happy in my marriage.

[Beec]

I think teh feeling is the feeling, the thrill of a new relationship. This may be enhanced by the thrill that you could be doing something wrong. The thrill feels great, but it is nothing liek a longterm bond.

 

Your husbands love you, don't screw up your marriage. If you don't have something good enough at home, then get out. If it is good enough, think about making it better. Put the thrill back into your marriage.