Starting long distance tomorrow and scared out of my mind

[kts]

Hi everyone,

 

I've posted in on here before about my ex around a year ago. Since then I've moved on and have found someone else who doesn't toy with my emotions. I've known him for two years and we started dating in September (officially in November). We go to school in Boston, I'm from around the area, but he lives in California. He's staying with my family right now but he leaves tomorrow for the summer and won't be back to school on till the spring semester. He's going to Amsterdam in the fall.

 

We're trying to visit each other but I'm not sure how that will work out. His parents are pretty strict and conservative not to mention the price of plane tickets for two broke college kids. We almost weren't even going to attempt to do long distance. He had a bad experience with his ex last year when he went home for the sumer. There's a lot of differences between our relationship and his last one though. He's never had a relationship longer than three months (we've been dating for almost 8) and he was also a virgin when I met him (there was a whole issue with ED too and it brought us closer as corny as that sounds). He's also never said "I love you" to anyone but me either, which was a big deal for him.

 

His concerns were that the relationship would be too hard for him and he's afraid I will resent him (if we break up) when he comes back. I've told him I would have resented him more if he didn't try because I feel like that would have just been a waste. He agreed to try because he doesn't want to lose me in his life. This conversation happened maybe mid february. Since then he's said that he's not doing the long distance relationship to make me happy, but he's doing it to make him happy. At times when I've expressed my concerns, he tells me I shouldn't worry because he loves me and wants to be with me.

 

To sum up (sorry this was so long) he leaves tomorrow and I potentially won't see him for about eight months. If I did see him it'd be either in july or august for no longer than a week. I'm really scared and I don't want to have another depressing and lonely summer like last year. Any advice from experience or any opinions would be so greatly appreciated!! Thank you!

[anna0511]

Long distance isn't a relationship killer. It it's meant to be, it'll work it out.

 

One piece of advice, don't put unnecessary stress on the relationship. Don't pressure your boyfriend to talk to you when he's out having fun, and when you do, don't talk about depressing things like the distance that separates you and how sad you are because you can't experience certain things with him. Be happy for him and supportive, and continue to be the person that he loves that talks about music, books or whatever you guys talk about, so that he looks always forward to contacting you. Don't be a worrywart because that's really no fun. I would hate calling my boyfriend if all he did was stress about our relationship, and be depressed about being apart. Seriously, make the most out of your summer and tell him all about all the cool things you did. He'll be happy for you too.

 

I've been doing LD with my college boyfriend for 2 and half years, we've been together for 3 years. We talk everyday, even when we had a 14 hour time difference. People always say that LD is awful, but it's only awful if you've decided from the get go that it's going to be awful. I think we've managed to make it work for so long because we both live very fulfilled lives apart, and being together is a bonus afforded to us by technology and for that we always living in gratitude. We see long-distance as a painful pill that we have to swallow, but it's ok it means lifetime together later on. In the meantime, we're making lemonade out of lemons, and enjoying every text, email and skype conversation.

[kts]

Thank you for the advice anna0511, it was very reassuring!

 

I'm doing much better then expected I know I have a long road ahead though! Any additional advice would be appreciated by anyone here!

[TheYeti]

I'm involved in one right now and so far it is has honestly strengthened our connection, but we've only been apart for a little over a week.

 

I will admit that she can be a bit smothering at times and that it is important to let your SI to have some breathing room.

[kts]

Thanks theYeti, I understand what you're saying. We've been apart for a little under a week and talk everyday so far. I'm trying not to the be that smothering girlfriend I was with my ex and I haven't been for our relationship so so far it hasn't seemed to be a problem!

 

Good luck with your long distance!!