Office / Kissed / Next move if any?

[jenna-is-here]

Hi All -

I have been working for the past year in an office and have become close work friends with a man (also single). I say work friends because aside from meeting him out one night with another person, we never have dont anything outside of work. We tell each other and IM a lot during the day (hundreds of messages). I completely have a growing attraction towards him and I *sometimes* think he has one back towards me.

 

About a month ago, we were on a business trip, everyone started drinking and by the end of the night, we ended up back in my hotel room (his move) kissing and petting but not much more. He kept stopping and saying, "this is cool, we should hang out more on the weekends, we would have fun, would you like that? We could hang out and make out all weekend, what do you think, it would be fun, we should hang out more outside of work, etc..." I reacted positively and told him I thought there was good chemistry mentally and now I knew there was physically. At the very end he suggested we have sex but I said no.

 

Fast forward to the next day and past month, he has NEVER mentioned it.A week after we got back to the office, I ended up referencing the experience in an IM message during the day and said, "I enjoyed when we hung out last week, wink, wink" he was all nervous and responded with "wink-wink" and then asked if he was embarrassed is they why he didn't bring it up, he said he didn't know, then I said, its okay, I wont bring it up again (since we work together I didn't want it to be uncomfortable). He said, no its not like that and then changed the subject.

 

And we never talked about it again. Its been a month, I am drawn to him and attracted and wish we could explore this more but am not sure if I have a move or if it is clear he is not interested. We are back to being very chummy and its not awkward at all (was for the first few days when we got back).

 

***SIGH, I'm frustrated*** I was on a date this week with someone and just wished it was him I was out with.

 

So my question to you fine folks, is there a move here? I figured if he was interested he would make more of a move, right? My M.O. for now is to carry on status quo and do nothing. Do you agree?

[martymoose]

i would not do anything or say anything if i were you. if he wants to make a move he will. have you ever seen the movie "hes just not that into you"? I was just giving someone this same advice earlier this week but there is a scene where he says "if a guy wants to be with you, he will" i highly reccomend watching that movie, tons of great advice!

[PaintWithLight]

He is attracted to being employed and wants to keep it that way. This is not safe behavior for two co-workers. It leaves him wide open to a "he-said, she-said" situation.

 

On the business trip, he had been drinking and was trying to close the deal on that night. Now back at work, he realizes what a stupid lapse that was on his part. Shame on him.

 

Of course, you should also reexamine your decision making by pursing a workmate and getting sexual with him on a business trip! Doesn't HR have workplace trainings anymore?? This is very risky activity and can be ripe for a big drama on the job.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are plenty of people who use business trips as an excuse to hook up with someone...kind of like the vacation romance that fizzles once the vacation is over. If he really wanted to be with you he would have taken the opportunity when you brought it up rather than blow you off. I am not so sure he is much of a friend either. Real friends don't attempt to have casual sex with their friend.

[jenna-is-here]

Thank you for all of your replies. I know you are all right and this I posted because I just needed to hear it again before I did anything stupid.

 

And yes, martymoose, I did see that movie and my best friend and I always reference it when talking about this situation. Totally agreee with that entire concept, if a guy wants to be with you, he will find a way to be with you.

 

Also, I agree the work thing is risky but a risk that has paid off for many of my friends over the years (who are now married w/ kids to those they dated from the office). Even though its allowed in our office, I agree its a risk in general and adds another another layer to think about (obviously not here since he does not have interest in taking it to the next level, but in general).

 

Thanks again all - just for the record, I will be doing nothing!

jenna

[april15]

Jenna, All in or all out. Do not, "do nothing", that will just keep you in this relationship limbo. When I was in that limbo, I could not find someone else because I was emotionally invested in the limbo relationship. Get moving again.

 

Since you are both single, both adults, and it is not forbidden in your office, you are free to pursue this relationship but it can be ugly at the workplace when relationships between co-workers do not work out. If the chemistry is that good and you want to take that chance, do it. Tell him you would like a date, a real date where you are not both liquored up.

 

If he does not want to date or you are not willing to test the dating waters, then cut it off, you are in too deep. Stop the IM, stop emotionally investing in a purely virtual relationship.

[metrogirl]

That's exactly why I say never dip the pen in company ink because if one back outs, the other feels wierded out or hurt and you still have to deal with that person at work.

[jenna-is-here]

april15, thank you, I hear you on the adult thing and it should just be a simple convo but then I think, if a man wants you, he will make it known. I just dont know if he tried to make it known... I go back to our make-out session and he kept telling me I was his "tier 1" (meaning importance to each other). He asked me if I had thought about what it would be like for us to be together outside of work in a dating way. I told him yes, that I had thought about it. I then asked him the same thing back and he said, "yes, more than once" - I guess that is why I'm so frustrated. Like someone else above said, he may have been trying to seal the deal and get sex that night but I've been around the block and I didn't get that vibe. Hmph. There just has not been any follow up.

[april15]

I just like nice tidy ends if possible and it seems you have a big question mark there. The more I think about it the more I think that as a man, I would not let the situation sit as it is but I am not in his shoes and there may be something that I (you) are missing that is making him act more reserve. If there is a green light from your end then a date over drinks should provide the atmosphere to clear the air and start fresh is a start is possible.

 

Find out if he is interested in a relationship or a business trip booty call. Either way you get the piece of mind to move forward.