best friend felt me up do i tell boyfriend?

[klvd]

The other night I went out to the bar with some friends and we all crashed at a friends house. I was in the middle of explaining to my bf that i didnt want to drive home and he was complaining that he didnt want me sleeping over at another guys house even though they are my friends and other girls were present.. .then My phone went dead

 

 

when the night came to an end i was laying on one end of the couch and my best friend was sitting at the other end. i fell asleep and later woke up to him laying behind me rubbing my leg and eventually my butt... I laughed at him (He was REALLY drunk, and maybe half asleep) and moved to another couch.

 

My boyfriend is crazy sensitive and insecure and this friend of mine is really the only good friend i have.

 

Do I tell my boyfriend about the incident, he's already mad i stayed over elsewhere

 

 

and also, since i told my friend what happened he's been avoiding me??? Infact he called me to make plans and I told him what happened and he ditched me the rest of the night?????

[ButterflyWrists]

I wouldn't tell him, it will only make things worse. Also your best friend seems to feel bad about it, wait for things to calm down and then talk to your best friend..

Has your boyfriend ever gone out with you all? maybe invite him to, so he can see how you act (obviously the feeling up was a one time thing?)

[PartyAnimal]

Don't tell him. You don't want to ruin anything

[Cherry009]

You will gain nothing from telling him.

[Donovan79]

Repeating with the don't tell. Sounds like your friend is ashamed. We've all been there, sometimes you drink too much and your hands just starting rubbing whatever happens to be nearby. Just let your friend know you miss him but that in no uncertain terms will be tolerated again as you love your boyfriend. Then let it go.

[itsallgrand]

I actually disagree with the posters thus far.

 

I am not suggesting you tell your bf right away, but I think you need to think about this situation here and if your boy friend really is simply 'super sensitive and insecure' or if he has some legit reasons for having the concerns he does. I think it's not necessary for it to be a case of insecurity to ask a girlfriend (or boyfriend) not to stay overnight at friends place when there are feelings there that the situation may be inappropriate. Now, your best friend acted inappropriately with you, and alcohol is no excuse. Sharing a couch even when drunk with an opposite sex person could be considered a fair boundary, IMO, for someone to ask someone else not to do while in a relationship. Because of this ...the potential for drunken roving hands and trouble.

 

I think your friend needs to apologize to you, and if I were you, I would establish some different boundaries with him. Because obviously he is a little too comfortable with you - it shouldn't have even crossed his mind for it to get to that. I'm not saying he is a total jerk, because the situation IMO was inappropriate to begin with. But he still should apologize for it and express that it isn't going to ever happen again.

 

As for your boyfriend, well I don't generally advise lying or withholding important information from a partner. Is this important? Well if it was my boyfriend in a situation like that, and I found out he didn't tell me about it , especially AFTER I had expressed concerns about the person involved and not wanting him to stay there, I would feel betrayed. What about you? If the situation were reversed?

 

Here's the thing. You should be able to trust your bf enough to be able to talk to him about things. And you should be able to trust your best friend enough that he won't cross lines.

 

So I think you should think for yourself what you really want. Pretending, in general, that this didn't happen and that this isn't a problem - both for your relationship and with your friend - to me seems like a foolish course to go. And, it's dishonest.

 

In a more general sense too...I think it would be helpful for you to meet some other people and make some new friends. That would help in many respects.

[Doc Blaze]

First of all ...if u want to keep your boyfriend u need to tell your best friend asap that this will never happen again..he shouldnt get a get out of Jail free card cuz he had a few drinks..if he is your "best friend" and not just a guy waiting for the right moment he will respect your wishes. Just remember, he waited till you were asleep to start feeling you up..

 

second telling your boyfriend..is gonna be bad news but i also believe in being honest..its like someone framed you...you guys argued...then your phone died...you got felt up and he is upset at you even though he doesnt know what happened.he is going to use this against you any time he can..probably wont trust you hanging out with this guy and there def wont be anymore sleep overs.....Knowing the type of sensitive guys like your Boyfriend...he is going to think more happened probably and he is going to pretty much lose alot more trust in you..but idk its up to you on what to do.

[klvd]

I was too drunk to be comfortable driving home, and then my phone died, bad timing i know but I rarely ever stay out all night and im not sure ive spent the night with other males present throughout my entire 2 year relationship. I dont give him reasons to be insecure, he just is and this was a very unfortunate incident. He's already over it and not angry anymore, I've decided for now that I'm going to let it go this one time and not tell my boyfriend.

 

Im still unsure what to do about my best friend though... he's avoiding me now?

[LookandLeap]

Your best friend is a creep. I'm a guy, and I think that is the first time I've ever called someone that. Clearly, not a real friend. Feeling you up when you're asleep?! That's ****ed up. Drunk, even black out drunk, is not an excuse. I suggest you drop this guy altogether. Next time it happens, you are to blame.

[Stay_home]

Couple of things...

 

• If you're going to drink you have to be responsible enough to not overdo it. YOU put yourself in that predicament by drinking so much that you had no choice but to sleep over at a friend's house which brings my next point.
  

 

• Depends on who you ask, but for me personally, you should've made arrangements to get picked up so that you wouldn't have to stay at the guy's house. You got so drunk that you couldn't drive home and that you had to sleep over on the guy's couch. Next thing you know, you wake up and he's palming your a** like a basketball. Maybe to you it was an accident but I'd bet to him it wasn't. It looks bad, okay. Guys are grimey like that. This doesn't sound like an accident. If you would've waken up and/or been receptive to his gameplan, I assure you he along with 90% of other guys would've went for home base. It's in 9 out of 10 guys DNA to score when it's available. So that was no accident, trust me. Which is probbaly why you're boyfriend is so upset with you because he's a guy and he knows this as a fact. Some people in fact do not mind opposite gender sleepovers, but there are also a handful that do mind and will have a serious problem with it. Especially when there's alcohol involved because people get out of control.
  

 

• I'm going to keep it very real and honest with you. Today the term, "friend" for a lot of men is just another definition of waiting in the wings until they can eventually become intimate with you. It's true. There's an ulterior motive often associated with "friends" these days. I'm waiting on my turn is what that means. Men are pigs. I'm a guy and I'm telling you like it is, they are. 9 out of 10 guys are. That's all they care about, that one thing.
  

 

 

• Again this falls back on you because you cannot gamble inside of the gauntlet like that. It's like playing Russian Roulette with the relationship; taking unneccessary chances when there are other options available. If you're going to drink in excess, at least do it when there's reliable transportation available or when you're in the house for the night. Staying over at the guy's house because you are too drunk to drive is not an excuse when you wake up Sunday morning with a hand over your butt.
  

[pl3asehelp]

Of course tell him. Why do you think you have a right to lie to him? Why is that even an option? Sounds like your bf is not insecure at all but smart and saw this coming. You put yourself in this position. Be prepared for him to break up with you. This guy you call a friend is not someone you should have any contact at all with when you're in a committed relationship. Don't for a second blame drinking. If you can't handle drinking that's your responsibility to abstain then.

[Doc Blaze]

Your best friend is a creep. I'm a guy, and I think that is the first time I've ever called someone that. Clearly, not a real friend. Feeling you up when you're asleep?! That's ****ed up. Drunk, even black out drunk, is not an excuse. I suggest you drop this guy altogether. Next time it happens, you are to blame.

 

 

lol he is acting this way because you turned down his advance on you...like someone else said if you were down for cheating on your boyfriend he would of been all over you..Both my best friends are females and never once have i woke up and had my hands all over them..and ive slept over their houses multiple times..

[SpottiOtti]

This "best friend" of yours is not your friend. He's hanging around hoping you'll ditch the BF and go with him. It's happened to me with two male "friends" in the past; I know what I'm talking about. It sucks but there it is; like 2SidedCoin says it's just the way guys are wired. I bet if you think back on it, you'll see that your "friend" talked mess about your BF, or was a little too interested when you complained about your BF, or egged you on if you were upset about him, or just didn't want to hear about him at all. This latest incident should not be excused just because you two had been drinking; he was drunk, not brain-dead.

 

Your BF might be insecure and sensitive, but I don't blame him for being insecure about you going out drinking with another guy, without him present. By the way, why wasn't he present?

 

If you want things to really work with your BF and you love him and he's your priority, then lay his fears to rest. Tell him what happened, tell him you understand now why he felt insecure because he was right, and tell him that you are ditching this "friend" of yours ASAP out of respect for him. That's the right thing to do if your BF is the priority and you are invested in this relationship.

[Donovan79]

If you want things to really work with your BF and you love him and he's your priority, then lay his fears to rest. Tell him what happened, tell him you understand now why he felt insecure because he was right, and tell him that you are ditching this "friend" of yours ASAP out of respect for him. That's the right thing to do if your BF is the priority and you are invested in this relationship.

 

This is the best advice I've ever heard from an armed monkey.