How can people move on so quickly?

[LilithCave22]

Well, I did it. I sent my ex an email last night explaining to her that I can not continue to have a friendship with her. It wasn't a mean email; I just needed to get it accross to her that I was much too hurt and felt too much anger in my heart to try and have a friendship with her at this point. I told her I stilled loved her and that I would always be here for her but that I just can't continue on this road of keeping in touch; it's too painful. I can't continue to open up my heart up to disappointment. I need some space so that I can move on.

 

I am having a really, really hard time dealing with the pain that she has already moved on. One week she is talking to me about moving to be with her, the next week she says she sees me only as a friend and dumps me, and then the next week she is already dating someone else!! How can someone move on that quickly? Has anyone else had their ex leave them, profess their love for you, but then immediately gotten involved in another romantic relationship? How can someone move on THAT quickly?

 

The hardest part is knowing that she started dating me soon after leaving her previous ex. We had a 3.5 year relationship so I know she is fully capable of "rebounding" and moving on...

 

Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[_Ramirez_]

You now have no choice but forget about her. It will take time, you will have to be mad at her before healing from the pain of such a quick cut, but it will go away.

 

She might have felt trapped with you and she decided to end the relationship before she had no choice of getting out, I don't know your story and can't judge from what you say. The fact that she dumped you and got in a relationship right after it might only indicate that someone waited in the line to be with her and that she can't stand to be alone so she jumped on this new relationship. It might also be that she fell out of love for you and that she met the other guy before she dumped you. She gave you no warning or not explication and was just ready to jump ship when she did.

 

Anyway, this story is finished for you. You need to keep the No Contact you just initiated and your wound will heal.

[LilithCave22]

thank you very much for your responses; it helps a lot. I know what I have to do to move on and believe me, I am trying. I guess I'm just having a bad day today because I got to thinking about it and it really hit me hard. I am on the road to recovery even though it's only been 2 weeks now since we broke up. I know I am on the road to recovery because, and it's weird to say this but, I've been able to let go enough and allow myself to be angry with her and resent her for the way she treated me. I don't deserve to be treated that way. That is why I told her I didn't want to talk to her for a while. I know this will hurt her deeply but I have to do it in order to move on and be content with myself again. It's just difficult because I feel like she led me on and lied to me because it all happened so suddenly. I just can't understand how she can say something to me about buying a house, moving in with her and then leave me for someone else one week later.

 

thanks again for your support; I know we've all been here before!

[bzborow1]

Some advice my dad gave me, not sure where i've heard it before, but it just "is what it is". You can sit here an analyze why she did all these things but in the end it doesn't matter (as far as you're concerned) because it is was it is.

[rich46]

How can people move on so quickly? I don't know.

 

My relationship also lasted 3.5 years and sure enough, within a couple of months my ex was with someone else. I tried to stay friends with my ex for just over a week, but I'm with you when you say how difficult it is. So I called her and explained how much it hurt and that I didn't want to have contact anymore. Maybe in the future, but it's impossible straight after a break up. Anyway, she called me a few times last month in the space of a few days, as her rebound hadn't been treating her well. She said she was scared she was letting go of a good thing in me. I'm biased of course, but I think she is!

 

So just to let you know, you are not alone. Our situations sound pretty similar. Unfortunately you just have to let your ex get on with it. If she can't handle being on her own, then the chances are she'll be the one to suffer most in the long run. I kind of feel sorry for my ex. Yes I felt angry at first for a while, but she jumped right in with another guy and I guess she is paying for it now.

 

So just remember that the grass isn't always greener, and our exes aren't always having the time of their lives. We build it all up in our minds. Listen to hockeyboy. It's been 4 months for me and I feel sooo much stronger for going through all this. I actually feel happy being on my own right now, whereas back in July I was a complete wreck. Stay strong and things will get easier...just focus on yourself though and leave your ex to make her own mistakes.

 

Take care,

 

Rich