Shameful crushes

[Slow Club]

I wouldn't exactly say it's shameful but it's a term people use and are familiar.

 

Anyway, today I think i realised I might have feelings for this girl.But I'm quite vain (ok very vain) and I know I wouldn't like to show her off that much but this is also partly due to my insecurities.

 

Does anyone else sometimes experience this and what did you do?

 

Ps it's horrible I know but please don't hate me for it.

[nutbrownhare]

I haven't experienced this, but first of all deal with your insecurities. Firstly, that it's shameful to like someone for their personality. It sounds as though you've got a lot of work to do on yourself before you can really contemplate having a relationship with anyone else - do you have inner feelings of emptiness, for example, and an overwhelming need to make an impression on other people regardless of what you're really feeling? You also need to stop justifying attitudes which even you find unacceptable because of your 'insecurities', firstly because that will keep you stuck there and secondly because it will actually feed the insecurity and make the problem worse.

 

Having established that this girl isn't someone you want to show off, does she actually want to be seen with you? If you're someone who is more interested in how a girl complements your appearance than their actual personality, most girls will spot this a mile off. This is true whether it's someone very attractive who doesn't like being regarded as an accessory rather than a person, or someone less attractive in a conventional physical sense who will quite understandably resent being regarded as 'less than' regardless of their other qualities.

 

You need to learn to respect and appreciate people as individuals before you can overcome this attitude. Starting with yourself.

[Slow Club]

It's almost always the physical side of things that people are ashamed of.

 

Like one of those sloppy one night stands that you regret after seeing who you spent the night with.

 

It's basically where you like someone but you're afraid your friends might be a bit judgemental.

[tw89]

Your friends shouldn't have an impact on your relationship. That right there was a big problem in my last relationship, which I can't speak for anyone else, but I did not put up with it. Also if they are really your friends, that shouldn't matter to them. All that should matter is that you are happy.

[Slow Club]

It's not just friend's opinion but also society's judgement too. I mean it when I say I'm vain. Lol

 

Clearly I have issues ...

[pl3asehelp]

It's not just friend's opinion but also society's judgement too. I mean it when I say I'm vain. Lol

 

Clearly I have issues ...

 

Confidence being the big one.

[tw89]

Everyone has different opinions. I find some people completely trashy looking and ugly while others think they are the most amazing people on the earth. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I have never really judged a partner on there looks. I can however tear people apart in the blink of an eye if they hurt me or someone I care about.

[cupcake22]

Is she fat or something?

[itsallgrand]

So I'm curious, what about her makes you feel that way?

 

Is she not 'pretty' enough? Is she not the 'right' body shape? Too large? Too skinny? Too old? Too trashy? Not high enough status? What?

 

That'll tell you something about yourself that will be helpful to know.

[Slow Club]

Just the body isn't usually what I'd go for.

 

I saw her today. I think maybe I just like her a lot but that's it.

[SteelJM1]

The only time i've experienced this feeling is when dating certain girls and thinking of bringing them around my parents, becasue I know how my parents judge. Otherwise I've dated all sorts of women of all different sizes and looks and was never afraid to bring her around my friends. Then again they were all really pretty (to me).

[drummergirl]

Buy a car to show off.

 

Find a girlfriend you like spending time with.