Complaining wife

[Realitynut]

I'm another one of those who think there's a lot more going on than just cleaning up a kitchen! I for one would NEVER let my mother or mother-in-law clean my kitchen while i sat on my duff....at my house i always told people to 'leave it be'...i'll clean later. At my mom's house we all pitched in.

 

But that being said...I have had mother-in-laws( lol...one) and mothers of bfs who acted like i wasn't 'good' enough for their son, and so tried to 'prove' 'look how lazy she is...sitting in the other room, while my poor son has to load the dishwasher, put the kid to bed, and now i have to clean the kitchen'...

 

Sounds like a power struggle is going on. Maybe the wife DIDN"T want to clean up right after the meal...it is her right....and felt in her heart that 'mom' was trying to show her 'up' .

 

I once was trying to treat a bf's mom like a guest when she came to visit her son. I cooked and acted like the host. By the time she left, she had clearly taken over that role...and she again was the 'mom' with the 'son', and I was the 'guest'....

 

You just never know....but i see power struggles big time.

 

Now i could be completely wrong. She could be just a sweet mom thinking she's helping out her dear son and daughter in law...and no malice intended.....

 

But then again.....ya never know.....

[onelittleladybug]

Someguy69 I read all your threads after I posted last night. I think your wife can be unreasonable yes, but I think your mother is the kind of MIL that no woman wants to have. I read back to 2007, and I can tell you I wouldnt last in a marriage with a MIL like her longer than 5 minutes. She has abnormal control over your life and has done things to make the lives of you and your wife miserable. While I think your wife has issues, I am inclined to think that this incident was a boiling point for her and understandably (to me at least) so.

[camus154]

I think the OP's wife and mother aren't all that different, judging from his previous posts. Which certainly isn't that uncommon of a situation.

 

OP, you need to find your cajones. Seriously--you strike me as the downtrodden guy who shuffles about his miserable existence while the women in his life bark orders at him. Stand up for yourself, already.

[Realitynut]

ok...now for me to go take a gander at all his posts!

And when he finds his cajones....he should side with his wife!

 

My situation with ex-fiance...it was a battle between ex-wife and ME! Sorta like a MIL....i told him...you side with the WIFE!

 

I read a whole chapter in a book on it....teehee....

[Realitynut]

wow...that was some read!!! First he had his mother to help out financially and emotionally...and well...be a doormat too...

Then he had his gf who he had to get bullied into marrying her....and became a doormat....

Then he had both his mom and gf pulling him into opposite directions about the pre-nup......umm....doormat

Then got married and became a 'yes dear' man...ah....should i say it? Doormat

Then almost got bullied into a special needs child....don't know how that ended...he does now have a child....

 

And now this. I knew there was a back story...just didn't know he had been going on for YEARS!!!

 

YES....lol...there is definitely a battle going between MIL and 'wife'...and i use that term loosely.

 

Man....wish you liked older women and i had found you first! I would love to have a 'yes' man....and i wouldn't have drug you thru the mud have as much as your mother and wife have.

 

The reason you are allowing your wife to get away with acting the way she does...is that your MOM conditioned you to it since you were a KID. And forever after...i mean.."come home", at 20 yrs. old "to help me".....waaayyyy.......

 

Ya know what my son told me when he was 17 and i wanted to spend time with him...he said, "mom...i have a life"

 

Oh sweeties...i feel for you. You have a LONG, LONG, road ahead of you. And you know what....you're gonna keep eating that sheot, because that is all you have done for your whole life. You catered to your mother's every whim...and now you are catering to your wife's.

 

Do you EVER do what YOU WANT?

 

I'd like to know whatever happened to the pre-nup and the child issue.

It's funny how you get on here about once a year with a big issue....do things ever run smoothly? Do you love her? Are you happy that you didn't take everyones advice to NOT marry her? Are you happily married? or run ragged.

 

*sigh*

[onelittleladybug]

Onelittlebug...you didn't go back far enough...go back to 2005 and you will get the WHOLE story! You just got the MIL side painted black. lol

sigh again.

 

Yeah its true, I didnt go that far back. I had enough by the time I read about the house and the prenup blackmail! LOL. I will take your word for it. I gotta tell you though, my last relationship was with a really great guy but his mom was like that. Completely controlled his life (not his every day life but major decisions). Sometimes I think back wondering if I made a mistake to leave but then I remember his relationship with his mom and nope, I am 100% sure about my decision. She was a third party in our relationship. When your guys mom is like this you have two choices: Leave him or fight with her. Except when you fight with a MIL like that you never win. This is truly a lose lose situation. And as much as the wife can possibly be a total nightmare (Im not sure, I only read about the adoption situation and I think she could have been reacting irrationally out of grief over the infertility etc), this situation with the MIL is surely going to bring out anyones worst sides. My advice is start with changing the relationship with the mother. Thats the culprit, because no matter if the OP left the wife and took up with another he would soon be in a toxic triangle again.

[DN]

Moderator Note: Some of the comments directed at the the OP are bordering on disrespectful and at least one has been deleted. There is no need for the sarcasm and put-downs some of you have directed at the OP.

 

Thread closed.