Should I let this new friend go???? Your thoughts appreciated!

[abysmal]

So there's a girl I met at work who I really am interested in getting to know better and being good friends with. She's into acting at the University we both attend, speaks a foreign language, sings and plays guitar, and is artistic. All in all, I was very impressed.

 

We went to lunch and so forth and had a good time, she told her coworkers that she's be interested in me if I'd come out of my shell, so I'm guessing things went alright from her perspective.

 

I texted her one day insisting we spend more time together (on a platonic basis- it's all I want) and she later called me that day and said she'd like to invite me to a get together with her friends at some point. Since then she had been friendly with me at work and everything, but infrequently replies to my texts (I only occasionally text her, though). I asked her one day if she'd like to visit the bookstore with me and she was very enthusiastic, adding though that she'd have to check her schedule (I planned it for the week after our spring break). The next day I asked about a specific time and she said, "maybe.. I might be able to." That night after work she was to leave state for spring break and I told her that I hope she'd have a good time and to let me know if that wednesday after wouldn't work out and that I was looking forward to getting to know her better. Naturally she didn't reply and here we are the day of, I didn't get in contact with her, either.

 

I suspect that I may have been a little too strong with the flattery, or too insistent, and that may have pushed her away. I also tend to have a negative attitude about myself. My texts aren't often and I made a conscious effort not too be overbearing. I did, however, brag about her to other coworkers and that may also have been an issue, just that I think she's really unique and accomplished.

 

My question is, where do you think I should go from here? I really, really want to be her friend & I intend to scale back the compliments and so forth, but I have no idea whether I should attempt to initiate contact or when. I'm really sad about this but I'm hoping it can be saved and I would really appreciate your input.

[pl3asehelp]

I think you need to clarify with her that you're only interested in being her friend platonically and nothing more. Since that's not the normal situation between men and women who are single and getting to know each other, she probably assumes you have a romantic interest in her and she is interpreting everything you do from that perspective.

[abysmal]

I'll be totally honest with you here, I am attracted to her but I am very insecure about rejection and want to thrust myself into the friend zone. But I still am intrigued by her and for that reason want very much to be a good friend. Do I just need to tell her that I could see myself being with her but just couldn't be honest?? Or would that be awkward? Do I need to have that discussion with her. I appreciate it, pl3asehelp.

[pl3asehelp]

You have to be honest about your intentions. Your chances of getting into a relationship with her are far higher that way. The settling for a fake friendship hoping it turns into more route is a fools game.

[abysmal]

I can accept being her friend, it could go either way. All I really care about is getting more time with her and enjoying that time, and it doesn't have to go beyond that, it really doesn't. I've said to her before that all I ask is that we go see shows or such on occasion. I just am enamored by her personality.. she's definitely one of a kind, and I like being around her in general. I mean, she's cute and all, but there are a lot of pretty girls out there. Do I text her, call, pull her aside at work...? What would you do in this situation, pl3asehelp? I feel like I'm losing her. Again, I appreciate your thoughts.

[abysmal]

I guess I'll have to tell her somehow in person that I've been dishonest and that she deserves the truth.

[abysmal]

I'd love to hear more input if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions. I realize I sabotaged a great opportunity, and regardless of the outcome, I hope this will not happen again.

[abitbroken]

Friendships that last happen naturally without one person marking someone as a prospective friend and then pursuing them. More so, you can't pick someone to make them into a "good" friend by conscious effort. People become good friends versus friends a little more organically.

 

If you just want to be friends, let things flow naturally. If she approaches you about going to the bookstore, take her up on it if she mentions it and when she gets back to you. In the meantime, hang out with other people and don't focus so much on her. It would be cool, though if she had a show (acting or music) and you went with a couple people as support. That is what friends do.

 

I would just be as friendly to her at work as you normally are and see how she reacts from there. Don't "take her aside". Just ask her how her trip was if its appropriate to do so - it doesn't matter who hears. That's normal conversation.

 

I do think telling someone "i'd like to get to know you better" does imply to the other person that you are interested in them romantically. I don't think you should tell her "lets just be friends" this early if you are actually interested in her.

 

Do NOT tell her you have been dishonest. What were you dishonest about?

[abysmal]

Well, I feel she needs to know how I feel, maybe I should let her know some other way aside from dropping it on her so suddenly. I can't harbor feelings if anything is to proceed in any such way, I believe.

 

I just don't understand, and maybe someone can clarify, why she would give me such a gung-ho response and then the very next day "maybe.." I just don't understand..

 

I approached this from a friendship perspective purely for a dual purpose: 1) My insecurities 2) Because I wanted her to know that genuinely I was not trying to pick up on her and that I cared and was interested in her for the right reasons. I always corrupt things by worrying and over-emphasizing my sincerity. It's so sad that I can not even build something out of such a rare opportunity. I had given up at the time and out of nowhere we started talking. It all started with her saying at work one day.. "I don't know many people here because I'm so new.. what is your name?" We hit it off so well and I had never felt such personality cohesiveness with someone. Ever. I hope something can keep this going.

 

Would it help, at least, if I apologize for being overly-sincere?

 

Thank you so much in advance!!!!

 

I feel lik