Gym girl

[resilient7]

There's this girl from my gym that I like and decided to ask her out one day and she accepted.she has been divorced twice and has two daughters,each from both marriages.she is 33 and I am 29.

 

I decided to ask her to come back to my house after working out so we can talk a little but more because we would only talk on the phone or at the gym.we had a good time and decided to make plans for Saturday to go out.this girl is very nervous around me and gets very giddy which I'm flattered by.

 

So in the upcoming days to Saturday I call her but never got her to answer her phone and then Saturday comes and she still doesn't call so I call her and she tells me that she rather not date me because she thinks that I will not be able to deal with her kids because I never dated a woman with kids and that her kids might bother me in the future.i told her before that I understood her kids are her number one priority and I was okay with her having kids for the beginning.tji g that bothers me is the fact that she ignored me those days and wouldn't call me back and then the 180 she did???

 

I don't understand people really.she told me she really likes me but its her kids and she wants a long term RS and that's something I wanted as well.what happened???

 

Feedback anyone

[Klokwurk]

She is not into you. Sorry, man.

[paradisa]

You were talking at the gym and on the phone and it was going well so you invited her to your house after the gym? How about going out for a coffee or a smoothie instead of just going to your house?

[gilmond]

Hey bro some women are really protective of their kids especially when it comes down to it but the fact that she won't even give you a chance shows she might not be 100% into you and you guys see eachother at the gym a lot I'm guessing? She could be playing a little hard to get but be a confident man and just accept it like it doesn't really bother you that she doesn't want to date you. When you go to the gym be confident talk to some other girls to get her jealous and she will start to want you again. When it comes to gyms I don't really suspect finding a real relationship works out but you never know. If you are really attracted to her chase after her but not in a wimpy way show her you're confident.

[junebug123]

So in the upcoming days to Saturday I call her but never got her to answer her phone and then Saturday comes and she still doesn't call

 

Seems like she was busy or something and she just basically blew you off, it happens. Maybe she had seconds thoughts or something, don't worry about the kids remark its just an excuse for her not wanting to date you. Live and learn, nothing gain nothing lost maybe a little pride, there are others just keep trying and don't get discouraged from this experience it happens to us all. The ones who keep trying are the ones who actually land a good mate, the ones who give up after 1 or 2 bruised egos aren't ready for a relationship.

[junebug123]

When you go to the gym be confident talk to some other girls to get her jealous

 

I wouldn't do this, you are 33 i am sure you are not into playing games. Chances are if you see her at the gym again just be friendly sometimes its good to keep friends around even if they aren't ready for dating and others will notice, maybe even want some of the attention, but if you act like a little kid she could end up gossiping about you and then you might want to start going to another gym.

[m8check]

Maybe she is trying to know how far you will go for her. If you are really so into her then let your actions show it.

[resilient7]

After much and much thinking I realized that the kids speech was an excuse and it must have been a couple things I said while we were having that convo and I said I only had one GF and that I was a virgin.Definitely she ran away because she has dated multiple men not to mention she was married twice.I am really hurt because here was a girl I REALLY REALLY liked and also because I have technically been single my entire damn life!....Thats right Im livid and tired of it all.I have a negative view of the female race,sick of it.

 

Delacrank-thanks for the advice but its really hard to be positive anymore when you're 28 and you never really had any GF.This is what I get for being too honest.She was being honest about her private life and so I followed her lead and told her my stuff even though it wasnt anything shady like hers.I didnt judge her based on her past but she decided to judge me.

 

Shes 33 btw

[rocko123]

I think in your limited experience, a single mother with multiple kids probaby isn't the best fit for you anyway. She probably sensed this. Single moms are looking for very serious, committed relationships.

 

Your goal should be to meet fun, single ladies in your same situation. Go in for the experience! Meet new people, learn about their lives, what they like, how they have fun, etc. The outcome will take care of itself if you do this.

 

Stop letting this stigma of 28 years old, one GF, blah blah blah run your life. You're a single guy! Enjoy that

[resilient7]

rocko-I DATED many women and I told her this afterwards when she wrote me off.I only had one committed RS because i was more carrer oriented and there were so many women that i just wanted to date around when I was single.So I do have experience but she just heard one GF and Virgin and thought i was a freaking monk or something and decided to run with it.I just dont get people because she was really into me one day where she's shaking because shes so nervous and two days later she doesnt comes up with a lame excuse.

 

She said she didnt want to play games and yet shes playing around and pretending to be honest.its true that what a woman says and actually ends up doing are two completely different things!

[rocko123]

Ah, I gotcha. Still doesn't change things. She's not feeling it. Accept that you'll never fully know why she pulled back and that it didn't really have to do with you. Your goal should still be to have fun with people who want to be with you.

[LoveSoDeep]

Also keep in mind it may not have been what you said but the way it came accross. I t may not be a big deal that you've only had one major RS or that you're a virgin but you're right something you said in that conversation made her think you weren't the one for her....and she's been married twice she's probably inclined to think that by now she knows what she's looking for (weather she's rigth or not is another story lol). Please don;t let thi gte you down or change you views on the female gender b/c that will not help you. Women can sense when men are tired ofthe game and just bitter adn that's a HUGE turnoff.

 

My suggestion: try dating younger women who might have similar past expereinces as you....women who are 25-27 have a much better chance of being a virgin or hoveing fewer relationships in general than 30 something divorcees.

[BritterSweet]

It's possible the kids may have been her excuse. But your past is your excuse. You can't really know for sure. All we know is that for whatever reason, she seemed interested at first, and then changed her mind. Which is something she has the right to do, and doesn't equal playing games.

 

"Thats right Im livid and tired of it all.I have a negative view of the female race,sick of it."

 

Beware negative attitudes. Don't turn hateful. That's a biiiiig repellant and will hurt you as well as others.

[resilient7]

Lovesodeep-you are right it was something I said during that convo because just 30min before she was showing me how nervous she was.So,it was the virgin and 1rs statement I made and she decided to run with it.i know I messed up by being too honest.she went ahead and told me about the last ex husband that was in prison for 5 yrs and had long rap sheet that she found out afterwards and how she once had to strip because of money.did I judge her NOT in the least but she did judge me based on what I told her.i can't help but be bitter because its a theme whenever I meet someone I'm interested in.

[resilient7]

Britter sweet-because she has a right to choose to make up her mind does that mean she's right in ignoring me those two days and then canceling me on the day we where suppose to meet up.are we justifying her excuses? You don't see that as playing games?

 

The only way I see it to play games with them right back.its so easy to judge others

[resilient7]

I know it is solely my fault and what infuriates me is how I have to be keep from being honest and I'm not taking about lying but telling little white lies about myself.i never wanted to believe all those cliches said about women and how they play games and test men or the only care about money and contradict themselves all the time but they are true and I just have to accept that and play along or just conform to a life of singledom.

[Fudgie]

I'm sorry this happened but honestly I think it was for the better. She's twice divorced with a kid from each marriage. That's so much to deal with. Heck, I wouldn't. You're just starting out so yes, you may want something committed but you should also concentrate on having fun with your partner. Going out, going on trips, etc. Probably wouldn't have happened with this lady. She has kids, sex would be limited because she couldn't spend the night at your place, etc. Oh, and let's not forget the exes!!!

 

Really, I think you dodged a potentially sticky and messy situation.

 

Next time, ask a lady on a date, not back to your house. That's way too close and vulnerable for someone you don't know well. You need to actually go out on a date. Even if it's just coffee.

 

Also, stop telling people you're a virgin. Say you don't have much experience and move into another topic. Once you get into the Virgin topic, I would bet more often than not, you start to ooze sadness about it and insecurity and that's a turn off. So don't bring it up.

[resilient7]

 

Fudgie-I get where your coming from and as for the virgin thing trust me I do not exhibit any sadness whatsoever and she didn't buy it because she thinks I'm very confident.still I know it was stupid of me to bring it up.

 

We went to my house to just talk and made plans for a Saturday.it was just a hang out.we got food to go because her daughters school is right next to my house.its frustrating because I really like this woman and after 4+ yrs I found someone that I actually liked and connected with,at least from my end.

[LoveSoDeep]

Going out, going on trips, etc. Probably wouldn't have happened with this lady. She has kids, sex would be limited because she couldn't spend the night at your place, etc. Oh, and let's not forget the exes!!!

 

Really, I think you dodged a potentially sticky and messy situation.

 

Next time, ask a lady on a date, not back to your house. That's way too close and vulnerable for someone you don't know well. You need to actually go out on a date. Even if it's just coffee.

 

Also, stop telling people you're a virgin. Say you don't have much experience and move into another topic. Once you get into the Virgin topic, I would bet more often than not, you start to ooze sadness about it and insecurity and that's a turn off. So don't bring it up.

 

Couldn't agree more! First you said one of the exes was in prison for 5 years...not the kind of baby's daddy I want looming around....and she's right it would be hard to get alone time or time period so really you dodges a bullet especially if she so closed minded about your limited experience.

 

Also do NOT invite dates back to your house that what guys do when they just want to hook up. If that 's your intent then fine go ahead but when I'm looking for a RS I don't go to a guys house for at least a month after I meet him and I kind of think he's being a tad pervy or just after one thing.

 

I know you don't THINK your insecurity comes out when you talk about it....but trust me it does in one way or another. The majority of the population stink at hiding their true feelings in this way. Just the fact that you try to have it come off any other way probably makes it come off just a little off. So just make a reference that you don't have much experience and change the subject saying you don't care to talk about.... especially not early on...sexual experience is not a good first date just like politics and exes....just avoid all 3 topics you'll be better off.

[Fudgie]

Insecurity is always apparent when we talk about things about ourselves that we feel insecure about. It's natural and you can't really prevent it. I do think LoveSoDeep is right in that it's one of those things that you just don't discuss early on. It's not really that important. She should like you for your in the beginning and getting to know your likes and dislikes and interests.

 

I forgot about the bit about an ex being in jail. That's scary. You sure you what to deal with that? What if he's in for violent offenses or drug charges and he gets out. And since you (sadly) can't make a jailed felon stay away from kids, you'll get to be around him if you were with her long term. Oh joy joy. If you had kids with her, they would probably be exposed to him too. Think about that. Not a good person to be with.

[Ms Darcy]

It's kind of a turn-off to ask a woman to go back to your house. It sounds like a booty call.

[resilient7]

I understand where you're coming from again Fudgie but I do not feel insecure about telling anyone those things especially telling her.No I dont tell everyone I met these things of course.But trust me when I tell you I didnt come of as insecure and was in fact very tranquil the entire time,I was a bit nervous at first but seeing as how nervous she was I immediately felt zero nervous and the whole coming to my house thing is getting blown out of proportion here.I understand how it may sound upon reading it but this is a normal thing in other countries and I just didnt have that in mind.she even told me she thought I wanted sex from her when I asked to come over but she then saw I wasnt looking for that.

[resilient7]

I do realize now though that she apparently has many issues within her because I called her today(havent seen her in 3 weeks and wanted to say hi,nothing more) and she said she was on the other line and would call me right back and that was 4 hrs ago LOL,so yeah.....I dont fully understand her reasons why she's contradicting everyhting she said at the beginning about communication and not judging others etc etc. I see I did nothing wrong now and should stop blaming myself for all of this.Its just tough at the moment because of how sweet and nice of a person she painted herself out to be and had the same values and morals as me when we first chatted but then there's this behavior of hers?

 

I'll chalk it up to experience and try to keep my head up

[Ms Darcy]

You don't have to do anything wrong for someone to lose interest.

 

I don't know why you are still calling her though. It's more than apparent she is not interested. I would probably have blown you off too. You have to take a hint buddy. It's not like you were really friends anyway.

[BritterSweet]

I do realize now though that she apparently has many issues within her because I called her today(havent seen her in 3 weeks and wanted to say hi,nothing more) and she said she was on the other line and would call me right back and that was 4 hrs ago LOL,so yeah.....I dont fully understand her reasons why she's contradicting everyhting she said at the beginning about communication and not judging others etc etc. I see I did nothing wrong now and should stop blaming myself for all of this.Its just tough at the moment because of how sweet and nice of a person she painted herself out to be and had the same values and morals as me when we first chatted but then there's this behavior of hers?

 

I'll chalk it up to experience and try to keep my head up

 

I don't think I like where this could go. So I will say this now:

 

Stop obsessing over this, and stop trying to make her "the bad guy." She turned out not to be a match for you. That's it. Life continues on.