Eowyn Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 We were together over 2 yrs, and at that point engaged and planning a wedding. He sat me down told me he wasn't sure anymore, was scared, loved me but wasn't "in love with me" etc. At this point, it was 10 mos prior to set wedding date, and he moved out. After a couple months apart, he decided he wanted to get back together and I had moved on. Fast forward to 9 mos part now, and I couldn't bear to not be with him, broke up with my boyfriend, and started talking to the ex-fiance again. So we've been talking, have gone on a few dates, told our families/friends etc. that we are speaking again. My concern is this: I AM AN ABSOLUTE BASKETCASE! I cry almost every day because I am afraid to lose him again. Yesterday he was 25 min late and I was a puddle by the time he got here. I am so scared of reconciliation. It was so much easier ignoring him and asserting that I would not take him back. Every time we talk I end up in tears. I feel like all I do is cry. Sometimes I'm crying out of relief because he has come back; sometimes its fear that I'll lose him; sometimes its because I am so mad at myself for letting him back into my heart. I am such a wreck. Does it ever end? Will I ever be normal again? Will the day come that he can be running a few minutes late and I *won't* burst into tears? its like the emotions are so raw, and so right at the surface, that all it takes is a light breeze and I am a studdering/sniffling/blubbering/babbling/gasping mess. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Something to think about - if you are dating a man, and you find yourself regularly crying and breaking down, this is probably not the right man and not the right relationship for you. Are you guys actually "back together?" or are you just "talking?" Link to comment
Eowyn Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 Depends on your definition of "back together". No, we are not having sex. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I got back together with an ex-fiancee. To me "back together" meant that we decided to be exclusive again and that our intention was to see if we should get married. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 by "back together" - i mean are you two officially bf/gf and are committed on working on fixing those issues that led to the engagement breaking off in the first place? what i am saying, not to sound incredibly pessimistic, but he broke your heart once before, why wouldn't he do it again? and there was no tangible reason for the breakup apart from him "not feeling like you are the ONE." that's a pretty hard thing to fix as it's not something you did that was bothering him, but if he wasn't feeling it for you...... why would things be different now....?? Link to comment
Eowyn Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 All good questions that I battle. In his estimate, he didn't know what he wanted, and time apart showed him exactly what he wanted, me. He wasn't sure I was "the One" and now he is sure that I am "the One". As far as compatibility, etc, we are spot on all accross the board. So as I battle the questions "but he broke your heart once before, why wouldn't he do it again" I invariably find that a life run on fear is futile. I must be vulnerable in order to reap life's benefits. So I am giving it a shot with him, and I am finding that I seem to have a lot of tears to shed first. Link to comment
Eowyn Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 I got back together with an ex-fiancee. To me "back together" meant that we decided to be exclusive again and that our intention was to see if we should get married. Then I guess we are back together. Link to comment
ClarityCoast Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Eowyn, it sounds like you are dealing with some serious fear of abandonment and perhaps, separation anxiety. For these feelings it can really help to talk things out with a counselor. And no one on an internet board can give you such expertise... You've been through a lot. The end of an engagement, another relationship, the end of a new relationship and jumping right back into an old relationship...that's A LOT! It's totally normal to be stressed...but you may want to sort out these emotions with a professional. If you do it for no other reason...do it for the health of your reconciliation. If you are freaking out after being 25 minutes late...that it SURE to add stress to an already fragile situation. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I agree, counseling sounds like a good option to talk about your issues. It's totally normal i think to feel freaked out, based on your previous experiences. It is good that you guys are working on rebuidling the relationship!!! Link to comment
Eowyn Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 OMG! I am totally depressed and full of fear. This is why I haven't been able to listen to anything but Tom Waits for the last 3 wks. DUH! Yup, time to call the therapist. I graduated from therapy over a year ago. Looks like I need to go back for a tune up. Link to comment
lemondust Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 OMG! I am totally depressed and full of fear. This is why I haven't been able to listen to anything but Tom Waits for the last 3 wks. DUH! Yup, time to call the therapist. I graduated from therapy over a year ago. Looks like I need to go back for a tune up. Please do try counselling/therapy. It will give you the chance to focus on you and see what's really happening inside you. I would take it ultra-slow with the ex-fiance, because you do sound emotionally vulnerable and if....if he turned around and hurt you again the impact could be worse for you. Protect and nurture you. Link to comment
longroads Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I was in a similar situation when an ex finace returned attempting to reconcile. My feelings were like a roller coaster . . .happiness . . . .relief he had returned . . .anger he left . . .insecurity and fear . . .doubt and confusion. I learned that it takes time to decide what YOU want from this new relationship as the old relationship is unfortunately gone. He needs to be understanding and earn your trust again. Take your time to decide if this is truly what you want. In time you will know what the right decision is. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.