Need to stop myself!!

[delicous]

I am about to write him, my ex....another email, but he hasn't responded to the last 3 i sent!! I am about to go crazy tho if I don't let him know one thing and I am not shareing it on here. But I feel like this one thing I say may cause him to change his mind about about us and maybe even give me another chance, forgive me because ive forgiven him many times.......I've grown in way but throughout this entire breakup and us being apart, I feel like a piece of me is missing and I need it back and I am ready to be in a relatinship, for real, don't wish to have any attention from another man aside from him. I feel like the way I deliver this email, how I word it will make all the difference. I get this feeling he has been to my place and has tried to reach out to me, i have missed calls from blocked, don't know if its him trying to reach out to me or if it's someone else, but Ive also had a couple other things happen, but I can't share that with you al either.... I think he might be thinking about us again, it's a weird feeling I have.

 

Hopeing he loves me still....Someone tell me not to email him, it's foolish, its been almost half a yr now. And he hasn't responded back to my other 3...although one of them told him i hate his guts and wish him the worse, then the other two are different, nicer, but I havn't mentioned this and I get the feeling he doesn't know why....And I need to tell him, but I CAN'T put myself out there again to fail. He's already blocked me. I can't do this....Just give me a good reason to not and I won't, I have enough self control to hold back. It's just tough!

[stranger88]

If he hasn't reached out to you then chances are he doesn't want to hear from you. Every single poster here knows this won't go the way you want it to

[browneyedgirl36]

You have to stop yourself from doing this.

 

I've been there -- trust me. I know exactly what's going on inside your head, thinking that you're "meant to be" together and desperately seeking for that one right thing you can say or do to make him change his mind. I've done it -- poured my heart out in letters, e-mails, texts, in person...all it did was hurt me more when he wasn't responsive.

 

 

You need to remind yourself when you feel this way that these urges are coming from panic and fear, NOT from the knowledge that writing to him is actually a good idea. When you're afraid of losing someone forever, you can convince yourself of ALL kinds of things, but the thing is, he's lost. He's with someone else, right? He hasn't responded to your last several contacts, right? Your fear and sadness and anxiety about the loss of the relationship are causing you to not see things clearly, hence your convincing yourself that there is one right thing you *need* do say to him that will bring him back. I can almost 100% guarantee you that it won't, and you will feel 1,000 times worse than you do now if you write to him and he responds negatively or not at all.

 

If you must write the letter, write it and don't send it. OR, write it and post it here.

 

You've got to find a way to let this go. Ask yourself, "If he never, ever comes back, how will I live the rest of my life so that I am happy and at peace?" You have to focus on YOU and making a good life for yourself without him.

[Cheetarah]

You have to stop yourself from doing this.

 

I've been there -- trust me. I know exactly what's going on inside your head, thinking that you're "meant to be" together and desperately seeking for that one right thing you can say or do to make him change his mind. I've done it -- poured my heart out in letters, e-mails, texts, in person...all it did was hurt me more when he wasn't responsive.

 

 

You need to remind yourself when you feel this way that these urges are coming from panic and fear, NOT from the knowledge that writing to him is actually a good idea. When you're afraid of losing someone forever, you can convince yourself of ALL kinds of things, but the thing is, he's lost.

He's with someone else, right? He hasn't responded to your last several contacts, right? Your fear and sadness and anxiety about the loss of the relationship are causing you to not see things clearly, hence your convincing yourself that there is one right thing you *need* do say to him that will bring him back. I can almost 100% guarantee you that it won't, and you will feel 1,000 times worse than you do now if you write to him and he responds negatively or not at all.

 

If you must write the letter, write it and don't send it. OR, write it and post it here.

 

You've got to find a way to let this go. Ask yourself, "If he never, ever comes back, how will I live the rest of my life so that I am happy and at peace?" You have to focus on YOU and making a good life for yourself without him.

 

So simple but amazingly true.

 

The more you reach out and not get a response(or not get the one you desire), the more you push yourself back. I have been through an awful cycle like this in the past, and it took a very long time to get through. It was painful and terribly embarrassing.

 

Someone said something in your other thread...about talking yourself into believing you're doing this 'in the name of love', or you're 'fighting for it', or what have you - And how it makes you resistant to changing your thinking. IT DOES!! The most incredibly unhealthy and toxic things can make absolute sense to a person, if it's "all in the name of love".

[browneyedgirl36]

So simple but amazingly true.

 

The more you reach out and not get a response(or not get the one you desire), the more you push yourself back. I have been through an awful cycle like this in the past, and it took a very long time to get through. It was painful and terribly embarrassing.

 

Someone said something in your other thread...about talking yourself into believing you're doing this 'in the name of love', or you're 'fighting for it', or what have you - And how it makes you resistant to changing your thinking. IT DOES!! The most incredibly unhealthy and toxic things can make absolute sense to a person, if it's "all in the name of love".

 

Yep. I've been through that cycle too, and what I realized was that, the more we resist what is, the more unhappy we are. When you stop resisting the truth -- that, at this point and perhaps forever -- he is gone, with someone else, etc. -- you will start to feel some relief. It will hurt like HELL at first, and will continue to hurt for awhile, but at some point, acceptance begins, and the burden becomes lighter.

[brian34]

Yep. I've been through that cycle too, and what I realized was that, the more we resist what is, the more unhappy we are. When you stop resisting the truth -- that, at this point and perhaps forever -- he is gone, with someone else, etc. -- you will start to feel some relief. It will hurt like HELL at first, and will continue to hurt for awhile, but at some point, acceptance begins, and the burden becomes lighter.

 

You need to let go. I've been pouring my heart out to get responses. but keep hurting My self more. It just end up in you being in a bad state and pain.

[amipushy]

Yes I agree. It is anxiety/fear that feeds the urge and a SECOND fear- a fear that you can't stop even when you try- that keeps cycle turning. Its nothing to do with love or not being able to live without him. It's JUST a distressing compulsion. Don't fight it, just accept what's happened and try not to let the second fear rise.

[delicous]

I thank everyone for there responses but I acted on the urge prior to reading everyones responses Lastnight, I wrote this and went to bed and went on with my day and actually had a very great day, got home went and took a 3 hour nap...And when I woke up, I couldn't stop myself, and yes, I felt better for a split second but now anxiety and fear is setting in. I just wanted to say that one thing that ive avoided saying and should of said and said over and over again and NO, it's not I love you. Just should of reassured more and I know that he is with somebody else, but I keep telling myself I can make him happier and that I love him more, but in all truth, he'd of come back if he believed it himself.... Im trying to figure out why I feel like he is looking for me, like he lost my number, but it's not that and I know deeper down inside, it's me not wanting to let go... There are things that have been happening recently, justa couple days ago that caused me to think it was him... I keep thinking to myself that I can't care about anybody the way I did about him and it's relationship doom thinking that way. I have avoided talking to someone for the last 2 days... It's hard because Im making it hard. I keep hopeing he will return.

[delicous]

I need someone to just take away my phone and my computer!