TalkThatTalk9 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I have a situation w/my mom. we have always been close (she is 48, me 28) i love her to death, she is the greatest all I have ever wanted is for her to be happy and find a man who will treat her right. for about 8 years my mom has been best friends extremely close to a guy she knows. he is married, and extremely rich. my mom is head over heels insanely in love with him. I have never seen a man affect her the way he does. this guy is suspicious and shady in my opinon. his wife is in her early 30's & had gone through and beaten cancer, they are so well off she does not have to work but volunteers. my mom hates her, always talks about how spoiled she is, how she does not appreciate what she has. wishes divorce on them all the time. she has confessed her love to this man, he told her it cant happen... but they still text & talk... he sometimes flies her out to where he goes on business trips puttin her up in 5 star hotels. she swears nothing happens but come on! so many more details but my phone is runnin outta room... my problem is, the ex emotionally betrayed & cheated on me with his best girl friend my mom saw what it did to me. she sits and tells me these things I bite my tongue i dont want to fight but I cant take it anymore. she does not get why I hate him, he is a skeeze. she even visits his home he has with his wife (he lives in another country) while wife is there. i want to say stop talkin to me about him, you saw me be betrayed and destroyed from these actions i dont support this but she will get so mad... i dont want to insult her... what...do I Do..... also she has no one else to talk to about him (people have said things about them. they work in same industry), so she does to me Link to comment
TalkThatTalk9 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 she says she is not dating anymore and will just wait for him to b single. ***!!!!! Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 You say nothing. She is an adult, and knows what she is doing. You do not have to "support" her actions --- but they are not directed "at you"... Link to comment
becomingkate Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 i want to say stop talkin to me about him, you saw me be betrayed and destroyed from these actions i dont support this I see nothing wrong with telling her this. I might keep my own situation out of it and just say "I'm sorry mom, but I don't support this friendship you have with him because it's inappropriate. I don't want to hear about it and I'd appreciate it if you respected my wishes in this matter." Let her get mad! You're an adult and have a right to be left out of it. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I agree with the above. She is an adult and can do what she wishes but you shouldn't have to hear about it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Just say "Mom leave me out of your love life please." Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I think OP wants to talk to mom about it -- and tell her it is morally wrong. As though her mom hasn't figured that out. Link to comment
22n32 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 yes i think op is just trying to help her mom.. shes just trying to help her aviod a train wreck and pain n grief.. and people advise is to stay outa her way.. yes step away from train wreck.. that makes sense.. sometimes advise on here is just so scripted and one way.. i think u should sit down with ur mom, and talk to her and more importantly LISTEN to her.. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I think OP wants to talk to mom about it -- and tell her it is morally wrong. As though her mom hasn't figured that out. That is not a discussion to have. It is just crossing all the wrong boundaries. At least in my book. All she really has to say is, " I do not agree with your choice and I do not want t hear anymore about it." The mother is crossing the line too using a daughter as a confidant for sexual issues. That is just WRONG even when your kids are adults. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Sadly, this is really not about OP's mom. It is about OP wanting to tell her mom, who has been w/ this "guy" emotionally or however -- for 8 years --- that her relationship is wrong. Why? Because OP's ex cheated on OP -- and the cheating destroyed and upset OP. So -- OP is placing herself in position of Mom's bbf's WIFE --- and how she would feel. To which I say --- it is done of your concern, OP. You don't have to like it, you don't have to talk about it. Your mom is adult, and she has made her choices. Link to comment
becomingkate Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 All she really has to say is, " I do not agree with your choice and I do not want t hear anymore about it." The mother is crossing the line too using a daughter as a confidant for sexual issues. That is just WRONG even when your kids are adults. Agreed. Why would you talk to your adult daughter about your inappropriate sex life? Completely unfair to the OP. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 This is one of those times where since you have already been talking together for some time about this relationship, you will have to bite the bullet and tell your mom how you feel. She already does that with you and so you should insist that it's an equal relationship. Don't be angry, don't be harsh, just tell her your feelings and why and then state that while you are happy to talk about a ton of other things this simply is not one. Is your mom going to be angry? Well yes, of course she is since she's losing her confidant on this one thing, but we all--parents and children--have to face that day where we each acknowledge that the other one is a grown adult with their own lives. You can't control hers and she can't control yours, so the only thing left between the two of you is communication. I do think that you are doing the right thing, the healthy thing by simply stating the facts as you see them then telling her you don't approve of the relationship and don't want to hear about it any further. Then make sure to tell her that you love her, you aren't going to stop that or to stop being close to her, but this is one thing you need her as the parent to respect your wishes on. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 The next time she brings up him, his wife, or anything related to the situation: "Please do not talk to me about this guy anymore. It makes me extremely uncomfortable." BTW, where is your dad in all this? Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Tell her you are going into counseling if she mentions it once more. And if she does it again, make good on your promise. You are going to need it. Link to comment
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